Tagged: Matt Cain
Birth of a Season
I took my own advice and hibernated through the rest of the winter. I am certain it was the right call.
I slept through Fanfest. There was a motocross event at AT&T Park the week before. I could and would not allow myself to see the playing field soiled with dirt mounds.
It would have caused great psychological harm. I would have had nightmares of Pablo searching for a ball hit into one of the dirt mounds allowing multiple runs to score along with Timmy’s ERA rising high enough to knock on the door of the Father of Jesus.
You think I am joking.
I do not need another reason to see a therapist.
I did wake up in time for the birth of my Sister’s (Tawni) first child. Welcome to the world Landen Sawyer Tilden. You are now forced into being a Gigantes fan. Enjoy it, embrace it, and hopefully we will win a World Series in your lifetime.
I gave the kid a good look through. Ten fingers and toes, actually the kid has exceptionally long fingers which naturally prompted me to think the kid is going to have a filthy change piece.
Congratulations Jason and Tawni.
Please teach him to throw lefthanded.
Spring Training is here
Thank…You…God.
I got to hear a little Flem and the Famer Wednesday afternoon. What a wonderful gift we all have in the Bay Area. We are spoiled. Everything in the world now seems right.
I love spring training (If you don’t love spring training, then I hate you and we can never be friends). I can watch the games without giving a hoot if los Gigantes win or lose. I have a month of stress-free games to look forward to.
Spring training is time for:
1. Get back into game shape (Pablo!!!!!).
2. Implement new things into in a game situation (#55 is trying to re-involve his deuce into his arsenal).
3. Young players get evaluated in game situations with other major leaguers.
4. Position battles.
5. Settling scores from the past year.
Barry Zito made sure #5 happened today.
In response to “The bomb exploding/bowling ball/team celebration exercise” A well deserved and placed pitch was delivered by Singer/Songwriter Barry Zito to the back of Prince Fielder.
I do not care that S/S Barry Zito had the third slowest average fastball in the big leagues in 2009 at 86.7 MPH or that Prince Fielder probably has enough back fat to absorb a Smart Car at 45 MPH.
I liked the old school message, although it would have been better delivered from Brian Wilson.
I called KJ to tell him the good news.
SLY: Zito drilled (drilled sounds like it would leave a bruise) Prince.
KJ: Boooyeaah. Zito seems to have that attitude this spring.
SLY: I hope that attitude gets some extra wins.
This is my third favorite Barry Zito moment as a member of Los Gigantes.
1. Hearing Zito sing.
Like I slept with your mother
Don’t judge me
Cause I could be your brother
And we could be a family
2. My invention of the Barry Zito Drinking Game.
3. Zito drilling Prince in his back fat.
Does it suck that none of my favorite Zito moments have happened in a game that has meant anything in the standings yet?
If looks could kill
If GMs were contestants on Survivor, Sabean would be one of the first voted off.
Tim Marchman of si.com ranked all 30 GMs in baseball. It was an interesting article. Yeah, Sabes was ranked 28th of 30. Ned Colletti was 27th. I am glad Sabes taught Colletti so well.
Here’s the blurb of Sabean:
Sabean’s skeptics were driven insane for years as no matter how many terrible, decrepit players he signed to absurd contracts, he always had Barry Bonds to make everything right. Once Bonds retired, the Giants immediately fell apart, and the skeptics gloated. Now they’re a decent team again because they’ve developed a pair of aces in Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain. It doesn’t matter; the skeptics are still right.
Here’s the link: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/tim_marchman/03/03/gm.rankings/index.html
ORANGE FRIDAY TO THE NEXT LEVEL
Los Gigantes unveiled new alternate uniforms for Orange Friday this year. The jersey’s are… very Orange.
I am deathly afraid of a cross promotional night involving anything with Cinderella. The Fairy Godmother will attempt to turn Pablo into a carriage to bring Cinderella to the ball. Yes, Pablo is going to look like a friggen Pumpkin.
The alternate hats are awesome. They are an updated version of the 1982 hat. I will purchase one and proudly wear it all year.
My Spring Training trip is all booked. I’ll be there in three weeks.
I cannot wait for all the alcohol and baseball.
I am glad hibernation is over.
Baseball Gloves and Relationships
I am a dork, a baseball dork.
Yes, this is what I should look like.
It is the truth. Everyone who has read this blog understands this. As a self-described baseball dork, I relate many life occurrences and lessons to the great game of Baseball. With that being stated, here I go.
Baseball Gloves and how they are like relationships with Women.
Baseball gloves, there is nothing that is more precious to a baseball player. A good glove can last years, maybe a lifetime.
Let me break down the life cycle of a Glove. It is eerily similar to a relationship.
Brand New Glove = Meeting for the first time.
A new glove at a sporting goods store:
Ahhhh, there she is. She is beautiful. Look how perfect and pristine she looks sitting on the shelf. My mind is racing. How do I approach her? How will she feel? Will she look good on me?
I am going in. I am nervous. I need to psych myself up. I go through my psych up phrases.
1. If you believe you are good looking you will be.
2. If you lack confidence, fake it.
3. No Fear, No Hesitation
The Man. The Myth. The Legend.
(Right, Skip?).
I proceed.
I walk up to her. I am only a few feet away. Okay, here I go…
I can’t do it… I am scared. What if I get rejected? Am I that much of a wossy cat? Yes, sometimes.
I go through my psych up phrases again.
1. If you believe you are good looking you will be.
2. If you lack confidence, fake it.
3. No Fear, No Hesitation
I can hear my Dad in my head. He is talking mad S and is damn good at it. Then he drops the line he has always used for approaching women. “Son, all she can say is no”. Dad can talk S and deliver solid advice.
Thanks Dad.
I am now ready.
I walk up… confidently and say.
“Excuse me Miss Glove. May I have a better look at you?”
The glove does not say no. I forgot gloves, unlike women, cannot reject me.
Thanks Dad!
Yes, I can advance. I still move in with caution. I do not know yet what I am dealing with.
I gently pick the glove off the shelf. I look at her from all angles. Goodness, she is beautiful. I politely place my hand into the glove. The leather feels so soft. I try to squeeze her… nothing. She is as stiff as a board. The chemistry isn’t there yet. She is going to need some breaking in.
Breaking in the Glove = Dating
The glove is now mine. I brought her home and she is delighted (What glove wouldn’t be delighted to have me?). Now it is time to really get to know each other. We have a feeling out period to make sure we both have the same expectations of this relationship.
The first thing I do is purchase “glove stuff”. What a first impression. The glove is very impressed with the “glove stuff” (It is like taking a date to a ridiculous restaurant). If you don’t know what this stuff is. You need to. This stuff is worth its weight in gold for gloves and all leather products. You can buy it from the “Glove Lady” in Cotati, CA. If you don’t know who she is, you have never had a glove you truly cared about. She’s like a marriage counselor for gloves and owners. She will bring the relationship closer and back together if the relationship starts to veer off course. Sorry, for the digression, more on the Glove Lady later.
After the glove has had its “glove stuff” treatment, I proceed to the next step. I place a ball in the glove and wrap a few well-placed rubber bands to create the ultimate pocket (keep in mind, I played infield).
I will leave her alone for a couple days, just dropping by for a little look to see how she’s doing.
It’s time.
I take the rubber bands off and unfold the glove. I place my hand inside and squeeze.
There we go.
That’s what I was looking for.
All that’s needed now is some catch time.
After many catch sessions and taking some groundballs a decision must be made.
Is she my gamer now?
Gamer Glove = Exclusive Dating
It has been decided. The glove is broken in. The chemistry is there.
It’s time to take the next big step.
She is now a gamer. Your gamer. A good gamer should last at least a couple years. A great gamer, most only find one or two, can last a lifetime. A gamer is always there for you. She feels comfortable and you want to put your hand into nothing else. Your gamer looks more attractive with each passing day. You truly love your gamer.
It is important to maintain the gamer to ensure the relationship lasts as long as possible. Let her know how much you care and appreciate her. Use “glove stuff” to keep her leather looking fresh. Protect her after each use by placing her in a case. Commuicate on any issues that come up. Remember, fielding slumps will happen. Don’t act emotional and switch gamers. Don’t be a glove cheater. Stay loyal.
But, no matter how well you maintain your gamer (relationship) you will arrive at a crossroads.
Like everything in life, nothing lasts forever.
Your beautiful gamer will start to grow old. Old does not mean over.
There are a few choices for graying gamers.
1. Go look for a beautiful new glove. It is important to remember all the time, effort, and commitment that have been put into the gamer. You are invested. Do you really want to start over with something new? You will end up comparing your new gamer to your previous one. You may even go back to your old gamer in times of need (like a fielding slump).
2. Use the gamer until it falls apart and then be forced to get a new glove. This is the worst option. It is like you are too lazy to make a change or to fully commit to your gamer.
3. Get the gamer re-strung and re-padded to factory specifications. What? Is this a serious option? I can make the gamer almost brand new again? The answer is YESSSSSSS. The Glove Lady in Cotati, CA is a gift from God. She can work miracles with old gamers. She is a combination of a plastic surgeon and marriage counselor for gloves.
If you truly care about your gamer and want your relationship to last a lifetime, you will go to the Glove Lady.
Here is her info. Thank me later.
8201A Old Redwood Hwy.
Cotati CA 94931
(707) 795-3895
I have taken a gamer to the Glove Lady. It was a great decision. I still have the gamer today.
Thank you Glove Lady.
Glove Cheating and Glove Rape
It is ugly, sad, and violating. More importantly these are crimes that are unforgiveable.
Glove Cheating is when a player willingly uses another glove when there is nothing wrong with their gamer. These players should not be trusted and most likely have commitment issues.
Glove Rape (I am not making fun of rape. It is a serious and horrible crime. All rapists should be locked up for life) is a heinous crime which could lead to fisticuffs. Glove Rape is when a player takes another player’s gamer and places their hand inside without the owner’s consent. It can be a violating experience for the owner if his hand does not feel the same when placed back into the gamer. The crime is worse if the perpetrator has a much larger hand than the owner of the glove victim.
Yes, I have gotten into a fight because of this. The criminal got what he deserved. I do not regret it.
As the late Junior Kimbourgh sang “Keeep your hands off my guuurrrrl (glove), she don’t beeeeeloonnng to yoooooouuuuuuu.”
Gloves and Types
Many players have types or brands they like to stick to, while others appreciate all types to find what they like.
My brother, RT is a great example. These are his words.
“I’m a creature of habit.”
“If she’s brown, I’m down.”
RT enjoys comfort and likes to know what to expect. He has been using Mizuno’s and dating Latinas exclusively for the last 3 years.
Conclusion
Am I NUTTS?
Yes, I am.
But…
It takes a lot of time and effort to break in, maintain, and keep a good glove going strong.
That sounds familiar.
Quick Hit on Halloween-
My friends and I all went out for Halloween. What were we? We all went as EFFFing Los Gigantes, duh. Here was our roster:
Can you believed we were charged for our drinks?
SLY- Tim Lincecum
KJ- Matt Cain
RT- Barry Zito
C.Lew- Aaron Rowand
Nutty- Mrs. Lincecum
KTBug- Crazed Matt Cain fan.
D- Mrs. Yunel Escobar (She’s a Braves fan)
Mrs. Lincecum made this Timmy feel like a Cy Young award winner.
The night was a blast. Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum got many propers from the patrons at the bar. Barry Zito and Arron Rowand got heckeled (Well deserved). I did get to sign my tab as Tim Lincecum. Maybe I should challenge that charge….hmmmm. Heck no, I enjoyed the hell out of it.
Our costumes were easily the best group themed at the bar. I did have one favorite costume from the night. There was a 5’5 Asian man who was dressed as Wendy from Wendy’s. Yes, as in Dave Thomas’ Fast Food Chain. I had to go up and comment.
I walked up and said “WhO0per JR.. says hi.”
Poor guy didn’t get it. He obviously missed those awesome Burger King commercials.
Tell Wendy I said Hi.
RT, not knowing I already dropped the line on him, proceeded to drop the line on him again.
Poor guy still didn’t get it.
Oh well, RT and I had a good laugh.
Since I got to dress like Timmy, I have a suggestion for his entrance music to come out to the field next year. I love that Timmy comes out to MGMTs “Electric Feel”, but can we please have Pauly Mac do a “Smoke two Joints” parody in the same fashion he did for Michael Phelps? That would be awesome. Honestly, who cares that Timmy likes to fly. I would think only parents of young children would be disappointed. But please remember, athletes are not role models. They are entertainers.
One Love.
Give this a listen… phelps2joints.mp3
Gigantes, Tequila, and Bears… OH MY!
I envy Bears.
Bears have no idea what it is like to live without baseball.
Actually, I think Bears have it all figured out.
I can say for certain, The G.O.B (Government of Bears) came together and decided to do the whole hibernation thing because of the pain that November through February causes.
No Baseball equals incredible amounts of pain and boredom. Sleeping through those horrible months is such an amazing idea, I think I may try it this year.
I would have to put on a good amount of weight in preparation for the hibernation. I don’t know if I am ready to add the necessary weight, as I would still like females to find me attractive.
I have added up all the pros and cons for myself hibernating.
The result:
I want tooooooooooooo freaking hibernate. I won’t mind being obese for the month before my hibernation. All I will do during the month before hibernation will be eating and watching postseason baseball.
I won’t even have time for females, so I could care less if they find me unattractive. Plus, when I wake up, everyone will comment on my weight loss and how great I look.
Damn, this is a good idea. I will sleep through baseballessness and wake up more attractive to the opposite sex.
I might be able to sell this idea during an infomercial. Damn, I wish Billy Mays was still alive. I know he could sell this idea.
“Hi, Billy Mays here for….HybernationSensation.”
“HibernationSensation is the perfect plan for the boredom months. You will never have to live without baseball and as an added bonus, you wake up in time to get your March Madness brackets in order. ”
Good for you, Bears.
It has been Ten days since the last Gigantes game. I am already having withdrawals. In the last ten days I have given a lot of thought to the season.
I want to break down the player’s seasons in a way that I can relate to.
If the players were Tequila’s, what kind of tequila would they be?
Yes, I am making Player/Tequila comparisons.
Patron (Silver): Over rated, overpriced, but has a great marketing campaign. It needs to be chilled to be somewhat enjoyable.
1. Aaron Rowand:
Rowand is a gamer, and I loved his commercials this year, but EWWW. He got paid $9.6 Million to put up a line of .261/15/64 with an OPS of .738.
2. Barry Zito:
2009 was his best year as a Gigante. He went 10-13 with a 4.03 ERA and a whip of 1.35. I would love these numbers from a number 3 or 4 starter. Oh boy, I don’t want to mention his contract. It is not his fault Los Gigantes paid him buckets and buckets of Gold. Damn you Scott Boras and your Player Profile Packets with projected HOF stats and projected player revenue streams. Damn you (Scott) are good. I wish I could be like you.
3. Randy Winn:
No comment. I don’t want to throw up the delicious dinner I ate an hour ago.
4. Edgar Renteria:
Edgar, Thank you for giving me the “I think something good happened” moment. That was by far, my favorite moment of the year. I will never forget the pure joy I experienced in the car with KJ on the way home from San Diego. Unfortunately, that moment was your only moment.
Don Julio (Silver): moderately priced, smooth, and available at most locations. Best served chilled.
1. Matt Cain:
Matt went 14-8 with a 2.88 ERA. Matt tailed off the last two months but the season as a whole was great. I expect nothing less next year.
2. Brian Wilson:
Brian followed up an All-Star year with a superior year in 2009. His “Life of Brian” TV show was also a house favorite of KJ and mine.
3. Bengie Molina:
Bengie was miscast as a cleanup hitter. This was not his fault. He still produced 20 bombs and 80 RBI. This would be great production if it was from a 6 or 7 hitter, which is where Big Money should be sitting in any adequate lineup. I wouldn’t mind him back for one more year while Buster (Posey) seasons.
Partida (Silver): You’ve heard about it, and it is as good as advertised. It is worth it at almost any price.
1. Tim Lincecum:
The Freak backed up his Cy Young season with arguably a better all around season. LincccceeeeCUM…LinnnncceeeeeCCCUUUUMMM!
2. Pablo Sandoval:
Kung Fu Panda sported a .330/25/90 with .943 OPS. Booo yea son. Pandas can flat rake. I love that Pablo is short, fat, swings at everything, and squares everything up. God, I love Pablo Sandoval. He is my favorite position player in MLB.
3. Jeremy Affeldt:
Affeldt was easily the best signing of the off season. He posted a 1.73 ERA while getting the ball to Wilson in the 9th. He had a 3 month stretch where he was not human. He was the anchor of the bullpen.
El Tesoro de Don Felipe (Anejo): Someone has to tell you about it and once they do you are an instant fan.
1. Andres Torres:
In spring training I watched Torres and thought he could be the future in CF. We looked him up on our phone and found out he was a 31 year old journeyman. All he did was post a .876 OPS and started meaningful games in September over Aaron Rowand. I loved his energy and enthusiasm all year. He has a chance to get a lot more meaningful at bats in 2010.
2. Juan Uribe:
By far, Uribe was my biggest surprise of the year. Uribe was the most dangerous hitter on Los Gigantes in September. I hope he is retained next year. Thank you for the OOOOOOOOOUUU-REEBAAAAY chant this year. I felt like I was seven years old every time I heard and participated in it.
3. Dan Runzler:
I think I have a man crush on him, nuff said.
4. Randy Johnson:
Anybody who tears their rotator cuff and comes back when he has nothing to prove is good in my book. Randy looked funny in the Orange and Black but it was cool to say, “We got Tim Lincecum, Randy Johnson, and Matt Cain going in this series”.
Jose Cuervo Gold: The name brings flashbacks of chugging tequila from the bottle and then being THE King of the Porcelain Throne for the night.
1. Fred Lewis:
I don’t want to say what I think about F.Lew. I’ll let him. This is from the horse’s mouth.
“When I was young, I wanted to be a legendary ballplayer. Look at me now.”
Yes, legend, in your own mind. Please go away.
2. Bob Howry:
His overall numbers were actually quite good. But it seems like his ERA was 65.82 and he gave up 983 Home runs this year. I am sorry, I am being a fanatical.
3. Travis Ishikawa:
He was handed the keys to the First base job, and handed them back. He was the ultimate Jekyll and Hyde with the bat at home and on the road.
Home .349/7/28 with a .935 OPS
Road .162/2/11 with a .471 OPS.
What was the deal?
ISA (Silver): There is hype, we will have to wait to see how good it is until the finished product comes out.
1. Madison Bumgarner:
I stated my expectations for Madison in an earlier entry. Go back and read it.
2. Buster Posey:
Expectations: The batting average of Ty Cobb, the power of Barry Lamar (enhanced version 2.5), and the good will of Jesus. Yep, that sounds about right.
Wow, I am thirsty.
Anyone want a drink?
…..and I am serious about the Hibernation idea.
This is perfect.
Life in an Alternate Universe
I hope everyone watched or listened to yesterday’s game.
Lincecum was amazing.
When did the umpires start wearing (Dodger) blue? There were three horrendous calls. The game never should have went to extra frames. I hope the adversity of the Dodger series will bring the team closer together.
Thank you Guillermo Mota for throwing Mr. Uribe (After a walk-off I have to pay my respects with the Mr.) an 0-2 fastball after Mr. Uribe looked horrible on the first two sliders.
This win felt much larger than the one win it represented in the standings. What a great way to board a flight to New York.
Ok, off to my alternate universe.
I got back from the gym last night feeling extremely chipper. The encore presentation (already called “an instant classic”) of the game was being shown at the gym. My friend, his girlfriend, and I had a conversation of what Los Gigantes players would be if they were not pro ball players.
Here is life for Los Gigantes roster in our alternate universe.
Starting Pichers
#55 Tim Lincecum
Hot Topic employee or ticket taker at a movie theater.
Timmy has the look for both jobs.
Tim’s long black hair, bracelets, and the beanie he wears every second off the baseball field would be a perfect fit for the emo cliental at Hot Topic.
I swear Timmy takes my tickets at the Movie Theater I patronize.
#18 Matt Cain
Farmer
Cain is home grown and corn fed. He has the size, strength, and patience (he did not seem to get frustrated with the lack of run support the previous two seasons) to be an excellent farmer.
#75 Barry Zito
Singer/Songwriter
Zito is ultra famous because of lyrics like:
Like I slept with your mother
Don’t judge me, cause
I could be your brother and
we could be a family
Thanks for that Barry. Classic.
#57 Jonathan Sanchez
Rum Distiller
Sanchez is from the land of Rum (Puerto Rico). It is no surprise he started making the stuff. The quality of his product is inconsistent, but his buyers keep buying in hope he will replicate his flashes of brilliance.
#51 Randy Johnson
Surgeon
Johnson is old, has the red a$s, and has been under the knife. Johnson has carved up hitters for about 20 years. He would do the same on humans.
Relievers
#38 Brian Wilson
Professional Wrestler
Brian, a failed actor went to professional wrestling after being discovered by a WWE talent scout during a P90X infomercial. His stage name became a combination of his real life nickname (B-Weezy) and a tribute to his faith (Jesus). He became known as B-Jeezy.
#54 Sergio Romo
Professional Pitch Man
Romo inspired by the late Billy Mays would become the most successful Latino Pitch Man in the history of the universe. Oxy Limpio, his clear, crisp, booming voice, jet black goatee, and white teeth would help carry him to the top of the Latin Pitch Man profession.
#41 Jeremy Affeldt
Cyber Sex Crime Detective
Affeldt is a Detective prowling the world wide web for cyber sex crime violators. He poses as a 15 year old blond female with the screen name HotELuvsRelief41 to reel in the predators.
#52 Brandon Medders
Electrician
After failing his way through High School, Brandon enrolled in a trade school and became an average electrician. He is signed up with local union #520
#45 Travis Miller
Tattoo Artist
The most tattoo’d man in Baseball history is a tattoo artist. I am not sure if he is much of an artist, or if he has a steady hand. Any takers?
#46 Bob Howry
Leader of The Mormon Church
Howry is the leader of The Mormon Church. He would become more powerful than Joseph Smith. Somehow people have unwavering faith in Howry, and he looks the part.
Joseph Smith- WoW.
#47 Merkin Valdez
Ice Cream Man
Valdez’s big wide smile brings kids to his ice cream truck. He makes a nice living.
#49 Joe Martinez
Organized Crime
The clean cut and good looking Martinez has a nice career in organized crime. He’s from Jersey, so he’s got connections. We know he can take a big punch and has no problem coming back for more.
Position Players
#1 Bengie Molina
Coyote
Molina along with his partner Andres Torres are a great team in the Coyote business. Molina has great navigation skills. Although he is not fleet of foot, he gets the job done.
#22 Eli Whiteside
Just For Men Cover boy
Mr. Whiteside is a cover boy for the “Just for Men” hair coloring product. Whiteside would be in the same class as other JFM legends; Walt Frazier, Emmett Smith, and Keith Hernandez.
Whiteside has climbed to Jared of Subway fame.
#10 Travis Ishikawa
Sushi Chef/Entertainer
Ishikawa is a world renown sushi chef and “House of Genji” entertainer. The Japanese side of him came out. However, he is timid with knifes, which led to “House of Genji” finding a replacement 60% through the busy dining season.
#23 Ryan Garko
Barry Zito Impersonator
Despite having a much different build, Garko has an solid career as an Impersonator for ultra-famous singer/songwriter Barry Zito. Garko started in small towns such as Cleveland and packed his bags for the bright lights of Las Vegas where he was expect to make a huge impact in the impersonation field but has done little to influence his profession.
“Like I slept with your mother, don’t judge me, cause I could be your brother, and we could be a family.”
#35 Rich Aurilia
Baseball Coach
Aurilia is an excellent baseball coach. He loves to hang around the game and this profession provides a great option. HHIIINNNTTTTT!
#21 Freddy Sanchez
Substitute Teacher
Sanchez is a substitute teacher who did an excellent job and later became full time. He became tenured!
#16 Edgar Renteria
Colombian Drug Lord
Cocaine is the Country’s business. It is what came natural to him.
#5 Juan Uribe
Circus Clown
Uribe has a nice career in the Ringling Bros Family Circus. He looks, acts, talks, and walks funny. He makes people smile and laugh. He loves his career.
#48 Pablo Sandoval
Pablo Sandoval could only be one thing.
A professional baseball player. The Panda was born to play this game. Sandoval doing anything else would make me vomit.
#8 Eugenio Velez
Cab Driver
Velez has lots of experience on buses, so he knows where he is going. I also call Velez the Eritrean Cab Driver for a reason. Use your eyes.
#20 John Bowker
Abercrombie and Fitch Model
Bowker is a model for Abercrombie and Fitch. He has one problem, he looks better on paper than in person. Which has stalled a once promising career.
#2 Randy Winn
College Professor
Winn teaches multiple subjects as he was never great in one, but good in many.
#33 Aaron Rowand
Construction Worker
Rowand is a blue-collar American worker. He builds over-priced houses for over-paid professional athletes.
I think he owns one of those houses in our universe.
#12 Nate Schierholtz
Hair Club for Men Spokesman
Pre-maturely balding Schierholtz got hooked up with the Hair Club for Men group. HCFM made such an astounding difference that Schierholtz became the lead before/after shot in all the HCFM infomercials.
#59 Andres Torres
Coyote
Torres and partner Bengie Molina are a great team in the coyote business. Torres is fleet of foot and runs ahead of the herd to look for would-be obstacles while on the quest to cross the border.
#14 Fred Lewis
High School Gym Teacher
Lewis reminisces about his glory days in High School while teaching.
He tells the students,
“F.Lew is a legendary ball player”.
God help the children of tomorrow.
Thank you Jesus… Part Duex
Los Gigantes allowed 4 runs in the three game sweep of the Buck-Os. The pitching staff again bailed out the missing O from the ffense.
After the game the Giants announced they filled a need at second base by acquiring Freddy Sanchez. Thank you Jesus! Sanchez will provide stability at position that has been a revolving door this year. Brian Sabean values the opportunity to reach the postseason (and his job) for the first time since 2003 with the parting of ultra-hyped pitching prospect Tim Alderson.
The bottom line, Los Gigantes acquired a three time all-star for a player who COULD end up being the next Matt Cain (Stud) or the next William VanLaunchingPad (Bust). Ill take the proven player who has excelled at the major league level.
What a performance by Matt Cain yesterday. Line: 9in, 3h, 2bb, 4ks, and 111 pitches. I thought he might come out for the 10th. He lowered his ERA to 2.11 to take over the NL lead. Lincecum and Cain are the biggest and scariest two-headed monster in the league right now.
Eritrean Cab Driver (Velez) had another nice day with the stick. Who is this guy? Leave him in left field while Schierholz is on the DL.
With Randy Johnson all but out for the rest of the year, is this the time to bring up Madison Bumgarner? Yes, he’s young. Yes, he’s inexperienced, but the guy is electric. He has dominated (7-1 1.90 ERA, 71in, 53h, 52k, 20bb, and a 1.03 whip in AA) at every level. Lincecum did the same thing in the minors. I realize Lincecum was 3 years older when he came up, but maybe it is time. Let’s not forget the kid can mash!
Again, Thank you Jesus for answering my Gigantes prayers.
Dad Life 