Gigantes, Tequila, and Bears… OH MY!

I envy Bears.

Bears have no idea what it is like to live without baseball. 

Actually, I think Bears have it all figured out.

I can say for certain, The G.O.B (Government of Bears) came together and decided to do the whole hibernation thing because of the pain that November through February causes. 

 


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No Baseball equals incredible amounts of pain and boredom.  Sleeping through those horrible months is such an amazing idea, I think I may try it this year.

I would have to put on a good amount of weight in preparation for the hibernation.  I don’t know if I am ready to add the necessary weight, as I would still like females to find me attractive.


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 I have added up all the pros and cons for myself hibernating.

The result:

I want tooooooooooooo freaking hibernate.  I won’t mind being obese for the month before my hibernation.  All I will do during the month before hibernation will be eating and watching postseason baseball. 

 


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I won’t even have time for females, so I could care less if they find me unattractive.  Plus, when I wake up, everyone will comment on my weight loss and how great I look.

Damn, this is a good idea.  I will sleep through baseballessness and wake up more attractive to the opposite sex.

I might be able to sell this idea during an infomercial.   Damn, I wish Billy Mays was still alive.  I know he could sell this idea.

 


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“Hi, Billy Mays here for….HybernationSensation.”

“HibernationSensation is the perfect plan for the boredom months.  You will never have to live without baseball and as an added bonus, you wake up in time to get your March Madness brackets in order. ”

Good for you, Bears.

It has been Ten days since the last Gigantes game.  I am already having withdrawals.  In the last ten days I have given a lot of thought to the season.

I want to break down the player’s seasons in a way that I can relate to.

If the players were Tequila’s, what kind of tequila would they be?

Yes, I am making Player/Tequila comparisons.


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Patron (Silver):  Over rated, overpriced, but has a great marketing campaign.  It needs to be chilled to be somewhat enjoyable.

1. Aaron Rowand:

Rowand is a gamer, and I loved his commercials this year, but EWWW. He got paid $9.6 Million to put up a line of .261/15/64 with an OPS of .738. 

2.  Barry Zito:

2009 was his best year as a Gigante.  He went 10-13 with a 4.03 ERA and a whip of 1.35.  I would love these numbers from a number 3 or 4 starter.  Oh boy, I don’t want to mention his contract. It is not his fault Los Gigantes paid him buckets and buckets of Gold.  Damn you Scott Boras and your Player Profile Packets with projected HOF stats and projected player revenue streams.  Damn you (Scott) are good.  I wish I could be like you.

3.  Randy Winn:

No comment.  I don’t want to throw up the delicious dinner I ate an hour ago.

4.  Edgar Renteria:

 Edgar, Thank you for giving me the “I think something good happened” moment.  That was by far, my favorite moment of the year.  I will never forget the pure joy I experienced in the car with KJ on the way home from San Diego.  Unfortunately, that moment was your only moment. 

Don Julio (Silver): moderately priced, smooth, and available at most locations.  Best served chilled.

1. Matt Cain:

Matt went 14-8 with a 2.88 ERA.  Matt tailed off the last two months but the season as a whole was great.  I expect nothing less next year.

2.  Brian Wilson:

Brian followed up an All-Star year with a superior year in 2009.  His “Life of Brian” TV show was also a house favorite of KJ and mine.

3.  Bengie Molina:

Bengie was miscast as a cleanup hitter.  This was not his fault.  He still produced 20 bombs and 80 RBI.  This would be great production if it was from a 6 or 7 hitter, which is where Big Money should be sitting in any adequate lineup.  I wouldn’t mind him back for one more year while Buster (Posey) seasons.

Partida (Silver): You’ve heard about it, and it is as good as advertised.  It is worth it at almost any price.

1. Tim Lincecum:

The Freak backed up his Cy Young season with arguably a better all around season.  LincccceeeeCUM…LinnnncceeeeeCCCUUUUMMM!

2. Pablo Sandoval:

Kung Fu Panda sported a .330/25/90 with .943 OPS.  Booo yea son.  Pandas can flat rake.  I love that Pablo is short, fat, swings at everything, and squares everything up.  God, I love Pablo Sandoval. He is my favorite position player in MLB.

3. Jeremy Affeldt:

Affeldt was easily the best signing of the off season.  He posted a 1.73 ERA while getting the ball to Wilson in the 9th.  He had a 3 month stretch where he was not human.  He was the anchor of the bullpen.

El Tesoro de Don Felipe (Anejo): Someone has to tell you about it and once they do you are an instant fan.

1. Andres Torres:

In spring training I watched Torres and thought he could be the future in CF.  We looked him up on our phone and found out he was a 31 year old journeyman.  All he did was post a .876 OPS and started meaningful games in September over Aaron Rowand.  I loved his energy and enthusiasm all year.  He has a chance to get a lot more meaningful at bats in 2010.

2.  Juan Uribe:

By far, Uribe was my biggest surprise of the year.  Uribe was the most dangerous hitter on Los Gigantes in September.  I hope he is retained next year.  Thank you for the OOOOOOOOOUUU-REEBAAAAY chant this year.  I felt like I was seven years old every time I heard and participated in it.

3.  Dan Runzler:

I think I have a man crush on him, nuff said.

4. Randy Johnson:

Anybody who tears their rotator cuff and comes back when he has nothing to prove is good in my book.  Randy looked funny in the Orange and Black but it was cool to say, “We got Tim Lincecum, Randy Johnson, and Matt Cain going in this series”.

Jose Cuervo Gold: The name brings flashbacks of chugging tequila from the bottle and then being THE King of the Porcelain Throne for the night.

1. Fred Lewis:

I don’t want to say what I think about F.Lew.  I’ll let him.  This is from the horse’s mouth.

“When I was young, I wanted to be a legendary ballplayer.  Look at me now.”

Yes, legend, in your own mind.  Please go away.

2.  Bob Howry:

His overall numbers were actually quite good.  But it seems like his ERA was 65.82 and he gave up 983 Home runs this year.  I am sorry, I am being a fanatical.

3. Travis Ishikawa:

He was handed the keys to the First base job, and handed them back.  He was the ultimate Jekyll and Hyde with the bat at home and on the road.

Home .349/7/28 with a .935 OPS

Road .162/2/11 with a .471 OPS.

What was the deal?

ISA (Silver):   There is hype, we will have to wait to see how good it is until the finished product comes out.

1. Madison Bumgarner:

I stated my expectations for Madison in an earlier entry.  Go back and read it.

2. Buster Posey:

Expectations: The batting average of Ty Cobb, the power of Barry Lamar (enhanced version 2.5), and the good will of Jesus.  Yep, that sounds about right. 

 

 

Wow, I am thirsty.

Anyone want a drink?

…..and I am serious about the Hibernation idea.

This is perfect.


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