Tagged: Ryan Braun

Baseball Supersedes Pleasntries

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Baseball Supersedes Pleasantries



I woke up this morning to this e-mail from mlb.com, “It is not too early to fantasize about baseball.”

When did I stop?

I stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen.

KJ: “Greinke to the Brew Crew.”

KJ did not bother to say good morning.  Baseball news always supersedes pleasantries. 

We got breakfast and made our way to the gym.  The conversation naturally turned to Greinke and the Brewers.  We have an affinity with Milwaukee as we took a vacation (Yes, we went to Milwaukee for vacation) there in 2009 to watch Los Gigantes take on the Brew Crew.

Here is a quick tangent on one of my favorite memories from our Milwaukee trip.  KJ, RT, and I were at a bar (surprise) talking to some local females.  Here’s the summary of the conversation:

Girl#1: “You guys are from California?”

Us: “Yes, we are.”

Girl#2: “Do you guys surf!!???”

KJ: “Actually, the beach is our backyard.  We surf every day.”

Girl#1: “That’s soooo cool.  You guys are way different from the guys here.  All they ever want to do is drink beer and watch baseball.”

SLY: “Yep, we are way different.”

Girl#2: “So what are you guys here for?”

KJ: “Watch Los Gigantes and drink beer.”

… Our conversation ended shortly after.

On the ride to the gym our talk turned from Greinke to Ryan Braun.  The Braun conversation started on how we would love to see him patrolling Barry Lamar’s old turf but quickly transitioned to his personality. 

KJ: “Dude has so much swag.”

SLY: “Oozes out of his pores.

KJ and I both dig the swag, but Braun has to be one of worst personality/city matches in all of baseball. Milwaukee is a blue collar city. Braun’s clothing company (Remetee) doesn’t even offer a shirt with a collar.

If I were Ryan Braun I would wear a red flannel shirt, tuck it into my wranglers, and ask to be Called The Brauny Man. 

From my outside prospective it feels like there has to be a real fan/player disconnect. 

…but that can be said for most stars of Major League Baseball.

So why is Ryan Braun on my mind?

It is because I know how this story will play out.  In 2013, 29 year old Ryan Braun will have a line of .304/.380/.525 with 32 taters and 115 RBI.  He will have two years left on his contract. 

The Ryan Braun trade rumors start.  Mlbtraderumors.com goes all ESPN FAVREY and dedicates 40% of their posts to the “Ryan Braun Sweepstakes”. 

A source notes the Brewers are looking for impact level starting pitching and major league ready position prospects.

The 2014 season is played, Braun is not traded.  Braun has another monster year .318/.394/.558.  The Mlbtraderumor.com cycle starts again.  I check the site every 15 minutes for updates (I really should just follow them on twitter). 

The newest post makes me cringe. December 8th 9:45AM CT:

“Dodgers closing in on Braun.”

I start to panic.  I se
nd out a mass e-mail to my friends.

The e-mail has apocalyptical overtures. 

The next update confirms the deed is done. 


I hate you Ryan Braun.

This is unhealthy.  I am worried about a hypothetical situation 4 seasons from now.  Los Gigantes are World Series Champs and these are my current thoughts?

I need help.

In other Dodger news which is not driving me to a therapist, “The Eritrean Cab Driver” (Eugenio Velez) has signed with the Bums. 

I will not dedicate a column to Velez’s Benedict Arnoldism.  

…Unless this happens in 2012

Watch your lips on the pine meat.