As always see the article as it was intended at http://The-Three-Bs.com Thanks- Shaun
A BIG 80th Happy Birthday to the Say Hey Kid.
My Grandfather feels old.
I highly recommend that you take a minute out of your day and check out the piece written on Mays by Howard Bryant.
Mr. Mays’ pre-game birthday celebration will be the 92nd pre-game celebration during the 2011 season. That might be a record.
Sharks Bandwagon…All Aboard
The brooms are out and ready to clean Joe Louis Arena. The series has been great and there have been no easy victories.
I don’t expect the 4th win will be any different.
I noticed other writers are finally starting to compare the 2010-2011 Sharks to 2010 Gigantes.
Thanks for finally coming on board.
Here’s hoping the parallels continue and the Sharks never face an elimination game.
A good time to hit the Rockies
Matt Cain takes the hill tonight in the series opener with the Rockies. I watched a good amount of the D-bags/Roxs series the past few days. It was clear the Rockies dreamy duo of Tulo and CarGo are as Joe Namath would say “struggling”.
Go straight at them. This may be the only time I have that thought for the next few years.
A Three Bs Sponsorship
http://www.BuildASign.com has decided to Sponsor The-Three-Bs and provided promotional gear. I will have Bumper Stickers and Window Decals.
Let me know who wants one and I will make sure it reaches you.
Thanks to Megan Edgeller at BuildASign for all her help.
Inappropriate Tweet of the Day
@AmyGGiants: Calling #sfgiants TWEEPS. What bball terminology confuses u? When you hear it you say, “what does that mean?” We’ll have answers next GMAG!
I had to rely.
@The_Three_Bs: @AmyGGiants while in college @kjones707 always used to say “Brown Eye to The Sky” during stretching. I never got it.
I hope they show this picture on GMAG.
Here are March and April’s Daily Bs from http://The-Three-Bs.com
Breaking News: Sharks love the taste of Wings.
The Sharks and Red Wings are set to square off in the Western Conference Semi-Finals tonight inSan Jose.I will be in attendance.I plan on being loud, obnoxious, and somewhat inebriated.
I do not change who I am for the playoffs.
Playoff Hockey can only be truly appreciated live.It has everything I love about sports: excitement, emotion, and drama.
I plan on catching most of Lincecum’s start against the Nationals at the Brit before the puck drops.
I have made it a point to watch a few Nationals games since F.P. Santangelo took the color analysis job with the team.
Goodness, I feel for the guy.How does F.P. deal with Bob Carpenter on a daily basis without becoming a raging alcoholic?
Most baseball fans are familiar with Bob Carpenter as he has done MLB game for ESPN for years.I have always enjoyed his voice and pace on the ESPN broadcasts.
My enjoyment of Carp diminishes with each Nationals game I watch.Maybe F.P. and Carp haven’t had enough time to build chemistry with each other.One thing is for sure, there is no natural chemistry between the two.
Here are a couple of quick exchanges from Carp and F.P.:
Man on 1st base with 1 out (pitcher not up).
Carp: “Should he bunt (Sacrifice) here?”
For non-stitch heads: No normal thinking baseball brain would sacrifice bunt with one out and a man on first (unless the pitcher was at bat).
A pitch thrown an eyelash off the plate called a ball.
F.P. “Wayyyy outside.”
Carp: “No way, that was really close.”
(This instance happens about once a game)
Poor Carp doesn’t get F.P.’s sarcasm, which is half of his shtick.
Here is my conclusion on Bob Carpenter: Carp has a great voice but rarely says anything of substance.He is the announcer version of a gorgeous dumb chic.Eventually you will see through the beauty and only notice the flaws.
The NFL Draft:
Patrick Conner (@pcon34) player bios on KNBR were the sole reason I enjoyed Thursday’s first round. They were informative and full of sexual innuendo.Right up my alley.P-Con would fit in nicely with the Three Bs crew.
I owe him a few drinks for the laughs.
Good bye Michael Scott:
LJ and I popped a bottle ofChampagnefor Michael Scott’s last appearance on the office.It was a sad television moment. A tear or two may or may not have been shed on the couch.
Michael Scott’s final line on the office was perfect.
Michael Scott: “I can’t wait to get this off my chest. (Microphone taken off and then no sound but Michael’s lips mouthed) That’s what she said.”
Television will miss you.
The early morning start time made following the game rather difficult today.I had to (Gasp!) fulfill my job responsibilities.I caught about an innings worth of action on television while I followed the rest of the game on ESPN’s GameCast.I have yet to buy my ipad and Slingbox.I need these two items for my future sanity.
Congratulations to Ryan Vogelsong who earned his first major league win since 2005.His stat line of 5.2 IN, 2 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, and 8 Ks would have been The Spiritual Southpaw’s best performance of the year.
Vogelsong must be on cloud nine.
If Vogelsong doesn’t know how to get to cloud nine, I am sure tomorrow’s starter can help him find his way.
Los Gigantes went 2-24 with RISP for the three game series.That is not a recipe for winning a series.I will take it, los Gigantes haven’t fared too well in theSteelCityover the past few years.
A Three Bs observation:
I have talked to KJ and RT about the lineup the past few days.We all feel it is about time to switch Aubrey Huff and Pablo Sandoval in the batting order.I wouldn’t be surprised if the switch happens sooner than later.Pablo looks like an improved more polished 2009 version of himself.He is averaging a career high 3.75 pitches per plate appearance and swinging at a career low 52% of pitches thrown his way.
Plate discipline on and off the field has helped the Kung Fu Panda.
Goodbye to Michael Scott:
Tonight will be Michael Scott’s last scheduled (I guarantee he will be on the series finale) appearance on “The Office”.The show has not been as good the last few seasons, but last week’s “Dundies” episode reminded everyone how great the show used to be, as it was the best episode from the past 3 seasons.
I salute you Michael Scott.I wore a women’s suit at work today in your honor.
Los Gigantes got swept by the Braves and I still managed to have a great weekend.Is this the first sign of maturity?
I hope not.
The Top 3 items from the weekend:
1. RT got engaged.
My longtime best friend asked his girl to marry him.He was on a beach in Hawaii, had a huge rock, and there might have been alcohol involved.How could she say no?
Congratulations to RT and Ashley.
Love you guys.
I was informed that I will be the best man and will need to tackle the challenge of throwing the bachelor party.
It is a great honor, I will do my best to re-create “The Hangover”, but I will add baseball references into the dialog.
2. My Pops found a new job.
My Pops has been out of a job for the last 6 months.He found an employer that recognizes and appreciates what he can bring to the company.I have no doubts he will kick ass.
3. I had my first Television interview.
It was local, the lights were bright, and I was nervous.I was a little stiff.I should have had a drink or three.I was interviewed about the online gambling sites that were shut down and how it has affected brick and mortar Casinos. I have a good amount of knowledge on the subject but I am not sure how well it translated into the clip they played.I did feel good that most of the information I gave to the reporter was used in the story.
I did look damn good.It was Orange Friday.I always wear the Orange Tie on Orange Friday.
This was my first TV appearance since RT and I were kicked out of Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park.I am definitely telling that story along with The $200 French Fries stories at RT and Ashley’s wedding.
I attended Los Gigantes and Braves game with my Pops on Easter Sunday.It was a beautiful day at the yard.I met Pops at 21st Amendment to have a holy beer. I got a Double Daddy (Speakeasy Brewery was a guest brew) since it was 9.5% and we were in a rush.
Do not pound 9.5% beers. Do not pound 9.5% beers.Do not pound 9.5% beers.
Pops and I received what appeared to be the last 2 replica World Series trophies at the gate.People were lined up at 8:30am to get the giveaway.They are currently selling for $50+ on ebay.People are sick.
I may use Gorilla Glue to glue the base of the trophy on the hood of my car where the BMW logo is.It may add value to my 230k mile car.
I did do something at the game I cannot remember doing since I have been able to drive.
I left as the game was headed to the 10th inning. The choice was not mine.I had to cover a shift for an employee at work.
I know, Sacrilege on Easter Sunday.
I ended up 45 minutes late to work.Maybe it was good I didn’t have to see the Miguel Tejada Statue not move for the Nate Mclouth 46-hopper into center field.
Miggy looks older than the 48 years of age he is listed in the media guide.
Los Gigantes are in Pittsburgh to face a family friend in Clint Hurdle.
Clint is one of my favorite people in baseball.I wish him all the success in the steel city, but I hope Los Gigantes put a hurting on the BucOs.I am looking forward to Ryan Vogelsong’s start on Thursday. He is facing the team he was traded to in 2001 from the team he was traded from.Is there such thing as double motivation? That was one of San Francisco’s two trade rapes of the Pirates in the last decade.
2001: Pittsburg received Armando Rios and Ryan Vogelsong while San Francisco netted Jason Schmidt and John Vanderwall.
2009: Pittsburg received Tim Alderson while San Francisco received Freddy Sanchez.
In both cases, Los Gigantes came up short reaching the playoffs in the year they made the trade but ended up in the World Series the next year.
What’s the Moral of the Story?Make a trade with Pittsburg!
I wrote Trade Rape and laughed, maturity be damned.
Yesterday I placed the failed Lincecum no-hit bid squarely on the broad shoulders of Kenneth Jones.He handled the weight well and used his powerful JuJu to help Bay Area sports last night.
KJ used his JuJu on Ubaldo in the first inning, capped by another monstrous potato from Pablo Sandoval.Neil Everett of ESPN had one of the better lines I have heard on SportsCenter in a while: “The Panda lost 40 punds but still feasts on sliders.”
Give Pablo the MVP award if he continues his pace .328/.400/.603 with 48 HRs and 148 RBI.
…and Pablo just strained his right triceps.That never would have happened last year.Good to know he has muscles to strain now.
KJ’s JuJu was also placed on the Los Angeles Kings at the 19:12 mark in the 2nd period.As all Sharks fans know (and most sports fans inAmerica know by now) the Kings held a 4-0 lead, the game seemed all but over.
KJ turned to the A’s game (Andersondominated). I was disgusted.I flipped over to the A’s game and caught a little bit of the other late MLB games on the Extra Innings package (Best $$$ I have ever spent.The GF will probably hate me by July).I flipped back to the Sharks game, not because I felt they could come back. I truly thought the game and maybe the season was being flushed down the toilet.I turned back because my friend Nick alerted me he was playing “Shots for Goals.”The name says it all.I was now rooting for goals of any kind, especially once he told me that he was asked to come into work early the next morning.
3:08 into the 2nd period, Patty lights the lamp, 4-1 Kings.
6:53 into the 2nd period, Clowe puts the biscuit in the basket, 4-2 Kings
SLY: “Got a new game here.”
KJ: “Wake me when they get within a goal.”
13:32 into the 2nd period, Couture puts one in the old onion bag (resorting to soccer scoring references), 4-3 Kings.
SLY: “Ummm 4-3.”
13:47 into the 2nd period, Evil Ryan Smyth puts one in for the Kings, 5-3.
SLY: “Ummm 5-3, efffing Ryan Smyth.”
18:35 into the 2nd period, Clowe scores his second goal of the period, 5-4 Kings.
KJ did not return any of these messages.He was concentrating his entire JuJu on the Kings.
19:29 into the 2nd period, The Big Pavelski tied up the game.
(How many big time goals does this guy deliver?)
What a freaking period, 7 goals and 7 shots for Nick.He is a huge Sharks fan, I am sure the 5 shots from the Sharks went down like velvet.
Los Gigantes were playing in Coors Field, the way the goals were being put on the board; I had to wonder if this game was being played there as well.The non-humidor pucks must have been put into play.
The Kings brought out the pucks stashed in the humidor for the 3rd period.
The pucks from the humidor worked as there was no offense.
Overtime Playoff Hockey; try to convince me there is any sport with more drama.
3:09 into OT, Setoguchi scores one of the biggest goals in Sharks history.
I loved Setoguchi’s celebration; it was very Jonathon Cheechoo like.
One of my pet peeves (Not having Heinz ketchup at a restaurant is one.) is when announcers or writers proclaim an event or occurrence is unbelievable.It is one of the most over used phrases in sports.
I will never patronize your establishment if you serve this.
This was one time where I was not upset that Randy Hahn dropped an UNBELIEVABLE!!!
It truly was.
I imagine the 11th and final shot of the night for Nick went down easier than the first 10.
A very Happy 23rd Birthday to Brandon Belt, whose birthday gift from Los Gigantes was a free plane ticket back to Fresno.
Someone remind the kid about a guy named Matt Williams.
The Juju That Ruined The No-Hit Bid
Tim Lincecum’s no hit bid ended in the 7th inning on a 3-1 fastball that Carlos Gonzalez smacked into right field.Who was the happiest the no-hit bid failed?
A gigante Gigantes fan.
I am talking about Kenneth Jones, or as he is known on The Three Bs: KJ.
KJ was in a classroom 1,240 miles west of Coors Field.He had no access to a television and his ipod cannot pick up an AM radio signal.KJ’s blackberry (MLB.com and my BBMs) was his only source of updates.
(Insert Slingbox Plug here.)
SLY: “The hit column has 0 hits for theRockiesthrough 5.”
KJ: “I see said the blind man.”
SLY: “Six innings complete.”
(For those of you who do not know 14 year old girl lingo; FML stands for Fuck My Life.)
KJ did not want this no-hit bid to go down for a couple of reasons:
1.Nobody wants to hear about or watch the highlights of a no-hitter. We (fans) need to watch it live.We want to brag to our friends that we watched the game from the beginning.
(I have only watched two no-hitters from 1st to last pitch: 1. Kevin Millwood vs. Los Gigantes and Jonathon Sanchez vs. The Fathers.
This is why ESPN will always break programming and go to a no-hitter in progress.
2.He missed most of Jonathon Sanchez’s no hitter in 2009.He was at dinner with the lovely KTbug.He loves KTbug, but this had to kill him inside.I know how upset I would be.
Note to all girls.If a pitcher from your man or woman’s (politically correct) favorite team is throwing a no-no or perfect game, please allow them to drop whatever they are doing immediately and proceed straight to a television set.
If we are not allowed to do this, we will always hold some sort of resentment for the remainder of the relationship.
With these two reasons, KJ did not want Big Time to throw the no-no.
SLY: “You can relax; CarGo just hit a single with one out in the 7th.”
KJ: “Thank God.”
I believe negative feelings and vibes can manifest itself into something real, and I believe this is what happened with Lincecum’s no-hit bid.
Is it any surprise that KJ owns a Pedro Cerrano jersey?
KJ’s negative juju ruined any chance of Lincecum throwing a no-hitter yesterday.
I have to admit, I am impressed but a little scared of KJ at the moment.To change the course of history using only negative thoughts is an impressive feat.
KJ should put his powers to use; maybe Matt Kemp can pull a hammy?
Nate Schierholtz’s moon shot yesterday was Bonsian.I haven’t yelled “Oh My God!” since Panda almost went splash in Right-Center at AT&T during Jonathon Sanchez’s no-hitter in 2009.
Nate must be using the flaxseed oil.
(Yes, I was drawling parallels from the 2 games as early as the 3rd inning).
Cody Ross will be activated tomorrow.I would send Darren Ford down and wait for Torres to be activated before I demote Belt.
I expect Belt will start some games in leftfield inFresno.This will only give Los Gigantes more flexibility when he returns.
Belt looked tentative the last 10 or so days.He was missing 3-2 belt high fastballs.That is a sign he is in his own head.He will figure it out.I am rooting for the kid.
Ubaldo is on the hill tonight.I hope the rust from the DL is evident.
If Ublado looks good after three innings, I will call in KJ’s negative juju.
Well, that did not last long.
The Bryan Stow Peace Treaty lasted all of two days.It appears the BS Peace Treaty applies only off the field.
(As it should)
I would like to personally thank Don Mattingly.
Thank you, and…
By drilling Buster twice it appears Mattingly is trying to ignite the brawl fuse.Does he think it will bond his team together?
The PPV Gigantes/Doyers Royal Rumble is a real possibility next month when they meet again.
Will DirecTV let me order early?
Speaking of ordering, how many Gigantes fans ordered Showtime to watch “The Franchise: A Season with Los Gigantes de San Fransico” last night?
I know RT was one of them.
RT was alarmed when a Penn & Teller show was shown on the TV Guide time-slot where “The Franchise” was suppose to air.His blood pressure lowered when he saw Boch light up the cigar.
Nicotine calms even through the television.
If you thought the show felt rushed, you were right.Remember that the show was a preview and was only 30 minutes long.The producers of the show attempted to briefly introduce the audience to the main cogs of the team and a couple feel good stories (Marc Kroon and Brandon Belt).I believe they will gauge the response and try to play off whatever story lines or players test out the highest with the test audiences.
I am guessing we will see a whole lot of B-Weeze, Timmy, Skinny Panda, and Buster.
What was the best part of the show?
1. The off-season workouts of Andy Torres.
Torres work-out attire was classic.He did not wear a shirt or shoes.He did sport a massive platinum chain and True Religion denim jeans.
Torres workout consisted of running up dirt hills and throwing cinder blocks over his head.
It was like he was the Puerto Rican Rocky.Eye of the Tiger should have been playing as background music as he was on screen.
This is how I imagine Domingo Ayala trained when he successfuly defended his Rookie of the Year award.
“Pop da chain.”
2.The Soulful Southpaw.
Now pitching #75, The Soulful Southpaw
I affectionately refer to Barry Zito as the Singer/Songwriter, I am ditching that handle for the one Showtime bestowed upon him; The Soulful Southpaw.
No follow up joke/line needed.
RT suggested that we can no longer call The Soulful Southpaw by his given name, only his handle.
Today’s off day allows the Sharks to be front and center in Bay Area sports.
I love that we (fans) can use the same chant from the last three nights.Playoff matchups create and build rivalries.This could be the birth of Sharks and Kings hatred for each other.The rivalry possibility has all the ingredients; all it will take to become alive is a 6 or 7 game series.
Does anyone else have a feeling this is the year the Sharks are going to finally break though and win Lord Stanley’s Cup?
Over the past 5 years the Sharks have been the most successful professional team in the Bay Area (The Sabercats and their Arena Bowls excluded). This season has had a different feel than the last few years. They didn’t come out of the chutes on fire as they have the last 3 years. They were horrible the first two months and sat in 13th in the West.
The Sharks peaked at the right time and rocketed to finish with the two seed.
Kind of reminds me of Los Gigantes and their World Series run.
Nothing is better than Playoff Hockey…except Playoff Baseball.
It was me.I ruined Timmy’s 4th inning.
SLY: “Timmy looks incredible, Superman status.”
KJ:“96 MPH, Los Doyers have no chance.”
After the 3rd inning, I had a conversation with myself as if I were in a two-man announcing booth.
(Yes, these are part of my game watching activities when I am alone.)
SLY (Normalvoice): “Timmy looks like he has no-hit stuff.”
SLY (Deep announcer voice): “I hope the 49 pitches through three innings does not hurt his chances.”
(Full disclosure: I cooked a nice little dinner for myself and may or may not have been drinking.)
4th inning: One pitch, one out.
SLY (Normal Voice): “That will help the pitch count (glare at partner).
SLY (Deep announcer voice): “Thank you Johnny Obvious.”
Then it happened.
Timmy transformed from Superman to that dude inSeattlewho fancies himself a superhero.Yes, This guy.
The Man, The Myth, The Legend…Pheonix Jones
With the game seemingly hanging in the balance, Timmy revealed his best attribute (besides his freakish talent), his heart.Down 3-0 with men on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out, he managed to escape without any further damage.
Is there a superhero whose superhero ability is damage control?
Stan Lee says……no.
(Probably would not be the best seller at the comic book store.)
You know the rest of the game story.
It was easily the most satisfying game of the short season.
Since I announced the game to myself last night, I have the authority to comment on Kruk and Kuip.
Kruk and Kuip were on fire last night.KJ and I openly wondered if they were drinking the happy juice.
We can only hope this is the future of Kruk and Kuip.
Here are a few of their gems:
Kruk: “Kemp is Cabbage!”
(Kemp was caught stealing in the 2nd inning.What does that (Cabbage) even mean?I never heard that phrase until theSouthPark “JerseyShore” episode.Can somebody please enlighten me?I need to know.)
Kuip: “What a bitch’n tie.”
(A cameraman panned the crowd and came upon man in his work attire.The tie was flashy; it had silver, green, and purple.I was taken aback by the terminology.Was bitch’n used in the 70s?)
Kruk: “This is an absolute strikeout situation.”
(Kruk went to this line twice, in the 4th and 6th innings.What’s the problem you may ask?There were runners on the corners with 1 out in both situations.Am I the only one who wants a double play over a strikeout in this situation?)
By the way, I love Kruk and Kuip.The guys are quickly becoming classics.They remind me of a television series where as the years go on the characters’ personalities are more defined and then exaggerated.
Check out the first season of “The Simpsons”, Homer has lost a few points off his IQ each succeeding season.
Season 1 Season 20
A PPV Mealy:
On Monday, Juan BooOo-ribe was a whole lot of happy when he received his World Series ring. On Tuesday, it looked like he was ready to charge the mound after Timmy drilled him with his 115th and final pitch of the night in the 6th inning.
It was the second time Timmy has drilled BooOo-ribe this season.The umpire had to get in front of Juan as he shouted, “Das da sesond EFFing ty-mine!”
It got me thinking, what if someone charged Timmy on the mound?
It might be the biggest brawl in SF Gigantes history, Juan Marichal/John Roseboro included.
I doubt Timmy would get touched.Do you know what the top speed of a lean and mean Panda who knows kung fu is?
….I am not sure either, but I have a feeling we would see the Panda’s 7th gear hauling from 3rd base to intercept the would-be mound charger.
Panda’s are cute and vicious.
It all comes out in the wash: gum, coins, bills, anti-diarrhea pills, condoms, and bad defense.Most Gigantes fans were well aware Los Gigantes played out of their heads defensively last postseason.Their shortcomings on defense were not exposed.
The wash cycle had ended.Thank God, for the extra long wash cycle!It could have ended in 2010.
Can I blame the poor defense on Brandon Belt’s excellence at first base?His bat and glove forced Aubrey Huff to the outfield.Los Gigantes have been exposed far too often in the outfield this year.
What happened to the best athlete on the team?
The taped body outline of #17 is seared into my brain.
Thoughts on Belt:
Belt probably has about 2 weeks to figure things out.He does not look comfortable right now.How many 4-3 putouts are we going to see?He has to be close to the record for most 4-3 putouts over a three-game period.I have six on my count (2 Friday, 3 Sunday, and 1 Monday).
Here is the BBM conversation with RT and KJ last night during Belt’s last at bat:
SLY: “4-3, 4-3, 4-3, 4-3, and 4-3.”
At the exact same time…
KJ: “How many 4-3’s does BB have now?”
RT: “A lot.”
If Belt does continue to struggle (Watch him go 4×4 tonight) and is optioned toFresno, there is some good that could come out of the situation.Start Belt in left field atFresno.He is a good enough athlete that he will figure it out.Los Gigantes defense will be largely improved if Belt can become a league average outfield defender.
Los Gigantes have Huff for next year as well.He is at the stage of his career where his defense can only decline.
Huff is less of a liability at first base.Belt can slide into the everyday 1st base roll in 2013.
Of course, this is all predicated on Belt being optioned toFresno.Los Gigantes will not try this experiment in a Major League game.
This option could also be readdressed after the season.
Since I just wrote this, Belt will go on a 20-42 tear and Huff will look like Roberto Clemente in right field.
I will enjoy the taste of crow.
Big Time Timmy Jim is on the bump tonight.
He looks filthy.
I do not believe Timmy has washed all season.
Los Gigantes won 2 of 3 from the Cardinals.We should all thank Colby Rasmus.
I haven’t written a love letter in a while, it is about time.
You dashed like a gazelle into left-center field on both Friday and Saturday with your hair lightly bouncing in a way that reminded me of Fabio riding a horse on beach with a slight breeze from the ocean air.I know it was my love that stopped you from retrieving the ball that A-Row hit on Friday and dropping Miggy’s ball on Saturday.
You wanted to make me happy, I appreciate that.
I will return the favor (No homo).Let me know when and where.
I cannot wait to see you in St. Louis.
Shaun Lauren Yaple
I am sure that little note makes up for the looks Colby received from LaRussa the past couple of days.
The Dodgers come into town tonight. If there is anyone who wants to get even for Brian Stow, please don’t. Sports are for entertainment (Not Sports Entertainment!) and supposed to be fun.
Fans who engage in violence need to know who they are and where they’re at.Take a good look in the mirror. You will undoubtedly see a loser.
Hate the Franchise, not the people.
One Love and Go Gigantes.
Los Gigantes will raise their 2010 World Championship banner momentarily.
Damn, it feels good to be a world champion.
Take it in….
Alright, that’s enough.There is a game to play and win.
Here’s hoping we get the Dirty Sanchez on this Opening Home game celebration.From what I hear, that exactly what is going on at 3rd and King this morning.My Pops (never one to miss a party) has confirmed the bars were packed by 10AM and the championship liquor was flowing free.
Why do you have Jager and a Bloody Mary? “Cause I like to party.”
I am disappointed I am not celebrating in a drunken baseball stupor with my Pops.
One quick baseball tangent:
MLB Tonight on the MLB Network spent a solid 10 minutes on Bryce Harper’s professional debut in A-ball.
Is it possible to be sick of the dude before I watch him play a big league game?I don’t need Japanese style reports on Bryce Harper’s minor league games.
Wake me when he hits his 100th big league home run (2013).
Here is a sad fact about Bryce Harper. If he has a career that mirrors Pat Burrell (.840 OPS, 300 HR, and 1,000 RBIs) he will largely be considered a failure.
Now if Bryce has half of Pat the Bat’s sex tales, he will be a winner in my eyes.
I will be attending the Bay Area Craft Beer Festival tomorrow with KJ, C-Lew, and the Real Dante’ Hicks tomorrow afternoon.
It should be a delicious S-Show.
Here is a preview:
I hope to still be awake before first pitch on Saturday night.
$$$ Well Spent
I paid $210 for the MLB Extra Innings package from DirecTV.I came to the realization that I will spend a whole lot more dinero because of this purchase.
Since I paid for the service, I want to get as much use as possible.To me, that means, always having access to the service.
1: Purchase Slingbox HD Pro:$ 299.00
2. Purchase ipad 2 (32GB):$ 729.00
I do not want to estimate what I will spend on tickets, food, and booze at live games this year.I am sure the price will be north of what the gadgets cost.
I need to stay productive at work to support my MLB addiction.
New Year, New Fads!
One week into the 2011 MLB season and a couple of fads have caught on:
1. Appendectomies are cool!
Stomach hurt?Take out your appendix!
I was worried when Andy Torres had his appendix taken out last year.He came back and helped Los Gigantes win the World Series.
There must be an Appendectomy to World Series winner correlation.
Matt Holliday and Adam Dunn will put my hypothesis to the test.
(Dunn and the White Sox have a better chance to prove the hypothesis.)
2. The MLB2K11 advertisements must be grueling on the Oblique muscles.
Brian Wilson strained his oblique holding his early 1990s cell phone a little too tight during filming.
Evan Longoria swung too hard trying to impress the young intern on the set.His digital self did hit some monster bombs.
He impressed the young intern.
Roy Halladay may be the next to fall.
I think the 2K series may have a curse forming.In 2010, Nelson Cruz, Kendry(s) Moralas, and Andrew Bailey were all featured in the 2K commercials.
All missed significant time in 2010.
Good to see the Madden Curse has found an heir-apparent.
Hoot and Holler:
Give me a second to blow off some steam…
Another 3:35 PM start time for Los Gigantes and the Fathers?I hate Twilight start times.I hate the word Twilight.I hate the Movie series about the super-EMO, non-attractive, and whiney beezy.
I hate that I have used the word “hate” five times in the past four sentences.
4 of Los Gigantes first 6 games have had Twilight start times.
Yes, I hate that.If you do not know why I hate Twilight start times, please read yesterday’s (4/5) Daily Bs.
The good news?
Lincecum will shove and Los Gigantes will win.
If not, Buster may need an Appendectomy to jumpstart the season.
I hope it doesn’t come to that.
Los Gigantes and The Fathers have a 3:30 PM start time.
Padres’ management must love shadows.
What are shadows good for?
1. Viewing a Day Eclipse.
2. Allows the Groundhog make his only contribution to society.
3. Entertainment for kids at sleepovers (Animal hand shadows).
4. Good for funny sex scenes in movies (camping tents).
5. Baseball Pitching Staffs (Exclude Barry Zito from Sunday).
What are Shadows not good for?
1. Aubrey Huff in the outfield.
2. Offense in Baseball games.
3. Viewing a Baseball game on TV.
4.Announcers of Baseball Games.
The Padres are smart little devils.Who gets the ball for the Padres this afternoon?
That would be Aaron Haran, who sports a 4.72ERA and a WHIP of 1.45 over the past three years.
Little known fact: Shadows and Aaron Harang are BFFs.
The Padres have successfully closed the gap of talent between themselves and Los Gigantes with a natural resource: Shadows.
If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying.
Top Quotes of the weekend from Dodger fans and our reactions.
1. Many Dodgers Fans: “The Giants Suck!”
2010, 2010, and 2010.
2. One confused baseball fan “The Orioles Suck!”
“Yeah, I know.”
3. Dodgers fan who may have a few cameos on Gangland: “I want to kill some Giants fans.”
…All quiet on The Three Bs front.KJ did not even have to prompt me on that one.
4. A Woman who tried to block entry to our section: “Give me your Snuggie.”
I hate the Dodgers but love capitalism.It will be on ebay.
5. A Dodgers fan after I told him his World Series Trophy is old enough to buy him an alcoholic beverage: “Is that the last time we won?”
Yeah, that would be 1988.
6. Douche-bag Dodgers fan behind us when KJ and Ipartook in deuces (2 balls, 2 strikes, and 2 outs) in the 8th inning of Sunday’s contest: “Is that a cocaine reference?
Yes, it is a cocaine reference.
7. Same Douche bag as #6 when he made fun of Japan and even I thought it was off-colored: “That’s what we do in L.A. we make fun of everything.”
Because of Douche bag?
8. Dodger fan and fellow amateur writer Andrei Ojeda: “Which one of you is the blogger?”
I was kind of shocked to be somewhat recognized.Good stuff.
9.Same Douche Bag as 6 and 7: “You blog, oh goodness.”
SLY:“Hey, If Jonathon Broxton was a fruit, what would he be?”
So-Cal DB: “I dunno bro, what?”
SLY: “A Pear.”
So-Cal DB: “Whaaa?”
SLY: “Because they look the same.”
So-Cal DB: “Aww man, you’re kind of funny.”
Thank you for fitting into your XS shirt.
10: Dodger-Talk Radio Host after the game: “I don’t get the last reference.”
I called in to Dodger-Talk on 790AM on the way out of Dodger Stadium and gave them three things Jonathon Broxton can do to ensure a successful season.
1: Grow a beard, dye it black.
3. Go on George Lopez.
Peace out Los Angeles.
Ten thoughts on Opening Day:
1.The 2011 version of the Brewers are Harvey’s Wall Bangers 2.0.Too bad the Brewers have to use the bullpen.
2.There is magic in Dusty’s wristbands and toothpicks.
3. John Sterling is as annoying as ever.“Teixeria sends a Tex message to right field. Yes, You’re right on the mark, Teixeria.”
4.The Cardinals will be able to afford Albert Pujols if he stays on pace to hit into 486 double plays.
6. Bud Black owns a magic wand.
7. Maybe I can predict the future.Clayton Kershaw, wow.
8. I may not return alive from Los Angeles this weekend. A few knuckleheads don’t get it.Enjoy the game more, brothers.
9. Re-read BoooOOoo-Rrrriiiiibbbbbbbbeeee. He is officially fair game.
10.I love Baseball.
A start of a new season brings a start of a new feature to The Three Bs.The Daily Bs will be short, sweet, and updated daily.Enjoy!
My thoughts on Barry Zito’s car accident:
Please Jesus, let Barry Zito make his scheduled start on Sunday.I wouldn’t want the season debut of “The Barry Zito Drinking Game” to be delayed.
Opening Day is my Christmas.I am sure many people around the country feel the same.I will not be productive at work as I constantly check box scores, twitter updates, and follow each of my fantasy player’s at bats.
Welcome back Baseball, How I have missed you.
For Daily Updates
Please Check Out http://The-Three-Bs.com
Los Gigantes Home Opener 4/9/11
I had my real world job to perform during Opening Day last Friday. Lucky for me, RT had the day off. He agreed to do a running diary during the game. My thoughts are in italics under his.
11:58am: Beer numero uno.
Lucky ******* sitting on his couch while I try to sneak glances at the Television.
12:17pm: Ray Ratto is wearing a hideous sweater.
It is almost to the point where Ratto is like Craig Sager. I can’t wait to see what he is wearing. If Ratto ever wears a yellow corduroy sweater, my head will explode.
12:35pm: Bull Neukom’s sport coat is older than Willie Mays and uglier than Amy G.
12:37pm: Beer Numero dos.
Really? You have the day off and you are on a 39 minute per beer pace. It takes no talent to go at your best speed at a high speed. I am disappointed in my brother at the moment.
12:40pm. I wish I had tickets. My *** won’t leave the couch for the next 3 hours.
Make that 4 hours and 24 minutes.
12:47pm: Oh God, Renel.
Now batting….Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Boooonnnnnnnds (ear bleeding levels).
12:52 pm: Ashley (girlfriend) is home for lunch. I offer her a beer and she declines. Beer numero tres.
I would have tried sex. Good to see RT finished the 2nd beer at 15 minutes. Beer pace lowered to 27 minutes per beer. I am still disappointed.
12:55 pm: Train? Really? Bands Before games are lame.
If Train performing before an opener was the punishment for winning the World Series, I don’t know if it is worth it.
Los Gigantes enter the field from Center. I hope this becomes a new tradition.
I think RT is drunk off 2 ½ beers. The time stamps have disappeared.
Brian Wilson is the man. “Cooperstown wanted this ball. I told them no. They can have our players but not this ball.”
Nice tribute to Brian Stow with a Beat LA chant. Love it.
If Brian Stow does not recover, does he get a patch? I vote yes.
Brian Wilson runs out to center to raise the championship banner. Is it over the top? Maybe, but it is complete awesomeness. I have Goosebumps.
Brian Wilson will be a professional wrestler before he becomes a Ninja Action Movie Star.
How pissed is Tony LaRussa? He had to stand on the field for almost an hour. There are ceremonies for each of the weekend games as well. A Gigante may get plunked to send a message to Los Gigantes management to tame down the pre-game ceremonies.
-Top 1: Jonathon Sanchez starts the game with a 4 pitch walk. He’ll come back n strike out the side. That is the Sanchez we all know and love.
Poor Bochy. I think Sanchez has taken years off his life. We have inning stamps!
Top 2: Uhhh, Huff in the outfield. When is Ross Back? Dammit, 1-0 Cardinals.
If Belt sticks, Huff will be out there next year as well. What happened to the best athlete on the team?
Bottom 2: Pablo takes two pitches (balls), I pitch a tent, Pablo swings at the next pitch (ball), I lose my tent, Pablo with a base hit, and the tent is re-pitched.
I understand completely. Where is the cerveza update? I am kind of living through you at the moment.
Top 3: Uggg, Huff again.
U.G.L.Y. This is becoming a real problem.
Bottom 3: WOOOOOOOOOOHHHOOOO (Tejada bomb).
And Tejada becomes the Statue to hit a home run in the Big Leagues. Why is his home run trot appear so fast, but he looks so slow on everything else?
Hell yeah, Jonathon Sanchez with a double.
Boom, Freddy Sanchez with his own double.
Double-Double! Can I trademark the “in-N-out” offense?
Top 5: Jonathon Sanchez is settled. He looks good. Burrell makes a great catch as he crashes into the wall.
Ummm, what happened to the 4th inning?
Bottom 5: I stopped counting beers but there are only 2 Coronas left.
Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail
The lapses in time are explained!
Top 6: Once again Sanchez can’t get through 6. The long first did him in.
He averaged 5.8 innings per start last year. You know what you’re getting.
Bottom 6: Everytime Burrell is up I think he is going to go deep. 30 seconds later: Boom, Burrell goes El Centro.
Belt hits his 1st MLB double! Put him in the Hall!
Whenever I think about Burrell, I think about him defecating on some girl’s living room because she passed out and couldn’t get with Pat The Bat.
Belt goes into the hall in 2032. Book it.
Top 7: Affeldt looks unhittable.
Welcome back 20.09 Version. 20.10 Version was put in the recycle bin.
Top 8: Home Depot doing more on defense, yeah Pablo!
I guess RT finished his all the beer. I do not get it.
Top 9: Wilson time. That beard has so much amazing inside.
It is so dense it can even support rust.
What is that tattoo on Yadier Molina’s neck. A camera shot zoomed in but I cannot figure it out.
I am not sure what it is, but I know what it signifies: I am a professional athlete. I do what I want. I will never have to rely on anyone else for employment.
Walk, infield single and now a HBP to Jon Jay. This is turning into a typical Wilson save. I feel a mini ulcer forming.
Kaz Matusi at the plate….errr Ryan Theriot doing his best impression.
Mother Eff’er (Theriot singles in two. 5-4 Cardinals).
That’s not how the Matsui at bat ended last year.
Bottom 9: Great, Rowand is hitting for Huff, stupid defensive replacement. I mean, great job A-Row!
Panda comes through!!! Bonus Baseball!
It feels strange to feel confident in Rowand. I think this happens every April and May. By June I will completely forget this feeling and loathe his at bats.
Top 11: Oh boy, only Runzler left. He dominates.
I have man crushes on lefty relievers who have filthy stuff. It may be a fetish.
Bottom 11: Torres hits a leadoff double. Go start. Free 90 feet? Thank you very much. Lets go F.Sanchee. Here is the 5 infielder defense. Get her in the air. F.Sanchee out. Rowand has a chance to be the hero two years in a row.
At this point, I got off work and went to the bar. I could no longer handle ESPN Gamecast. See, I need an ipad and Slingbox in my life. Wow, Great play Allan Craig.
Intentional walks to Posey and Sandoval give DeRosa a chance to beat his former team.
Bat. On. Shoulder.
You gotta swing the battttt, you gotttttta swing the batttttttt. I was just offered a beer. I accepted.
Man at Bar: “Why did you accept my offer now but not 10 minutes ago?”
SLY: “Alcohol is a depressant. I am depressed.”
Top 12: Great inning from Runzler. That is the Runzler I saw in Spring Training.
I am upset I didn’t get to see any Spring Training games. In related news, my liver thanked me for not attending Spring Training in 2011.
Bottom 12: Here we go. Runners are on the corners with two outs. Here comes Rowand. Hammered that, Game Over!
Two years in a row for A-Row! Again remind me of how I felt about Rowand in a couple months.
A big thank you to Colby Rasmus for slowing down on that ball, I thought he had a good opportunity to make the play.
Another beer please.
Man in Bar: “I thought you drink when you are depressed?”
SLY: “I also drink when I am happy.”
BIG thanks to RT. I know that was a pain in the A$s.
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Miss Cleo and the End of the World
Miss Cleo and I have one thing in common; we both cannot predict the future. I am quite jealous she was able to turn her non-ability into income, which is an ability I would like to pursue. Why is Miss Cleo occupying space on The Three Bs? Duh, prediction time!
A few of The Three B regulars and I have decided to give our predictions for the upcoming MLB season. Why? We all think we are smarter than we really are.
Predictions lead to these phrases exchanged between friends.
1.) “I told you so.”
2.) “You’re an idiot.”
3.) “Effing Homer.”
I want to do a quick hit on Brandon Belt before we dive into our predictions for the 2011 season. It was announced a few hours ago that Belt made the Big Club (Good-bye Ishi). That is fantastic news. This was the first step the 2011 Gigantes have taken to improve upon the 2010 World Championship version. It is promising to see the franchise put out the best possible product on the field, no matter the cost.
There has been a lot of GFM’s (General Fan Managers) around the greater Bay Area which have flooded the radio waves and Gigantes websites suggesting the newest Double Bs to start at Fresno. Not because Belt was not the best option, but because the GFM’s were worried about his Super-Two status.
Are you kidding me?
I understand the financial impact starting Belt on the big club, but Belt will only obtain his Super-Two status if he stays on the 25 man roster for the entire next two years. If he does, he will have played well enough to earn the money.
Please remember this fact; Ws in April are not worth less than Ws in September.
With Ross out, Belt is the best option.
What’s the best part about Belt and his arbitration clock?
1.) Everyone assumes Belt will be an absolute stud.
This was the case with the A’s in the late 90’s and early 2000s. Every player that came up (Grieve, Tejada, Chavez, Hudson, Zito, Mulder, and Crosby) was billed as can’t miss players. For the most part they didn’t miss, albeit some of their stars faded quickly.
Gigantes fans have not allowed themselves to get too attached to players coming from minors since the late 80s. Our expectations were tempered with the likes of JR Phillips, William VanLaunchingPad, and Todd Linden. A funny thing happened in 2005; Matt Cain came up and was as good as advertised. A very Oakland Athletics like streak began to build: Wilson, Sanchez (2006), Lincecum (2007), Sandoval (2008), Posey, Bumgarner (2009), and now Belt (2011). It has gotten to the point where we believe and expect good things from our young players.
I used to fantasize about Los Gigantes having a young stud player. I yearned for one. When F.Loser (Fred Lewis) hit for the cycle in 2007, I allowed myself to get excited. I created him in my baseball video game and hit him 3rd. I watched Belt last night and actually felt like Los Gigantes were using a created player. It felt like cheating, and I loved it.
2.) We will all be dead when the Belt would have been eligible for Free Agency anyway. In case you forgot, the world ends on December 21st, 2012.
KJ and I decided in 2009 that we are going to throw an “End of the World Party.” It is going to epic. Party favors will include: cocaine, prostitutes, and Johnnie Walker Blue.
You might want to mark your calendar.
…and with that onto the 2011 MLB predictions.
NL (West) Gigantes, (Central) Brewers, (East) Braves, and (Wild Card) Phillies
AL (West) Athletics, (Central) White Sox), (East) Red Sox, and (Wild Card) Twins
World Series: Red Sox over Brewers
NL: (Cy Young) Roy Halladay, (MVP) Troy Tulowitzki, and (ROY) Brandon Belt
AL: (Cy Young) Jon Lester, (MVP) Adrian Gonzalez, and (ROY) Jeremy Hellickson
NL (West) Rockies, (Central) Brewers, (East) Phillies, and (Wild Card) Gigantes
AL (West) Athletics, (Central) Twins, (East) Red Sox, and (Wild Card) Yankees
World Series: Red Sox over Phillies
NL (Cy Young) Roy Halladay, (MVP) Troy Tulowitzki, and (ROY) Brandon Belt.
AL (Cy Young) Jon Lester, (MVP) Adrian Gonzalez, and (ROY) Jeremy Hellickson
NL (West) Gigantes, (Central) Brewers, (East) Phillies, and (Wild Card) Braves
AL (West) Athletics, (Central) White Sox, (East) Red Sox, and (Wild Card) Yankees
World Series: Red Sox over Phillies
NL (Cy Young) Roy Halladay, (MVP) Albert Pujols, and (ROY) Freddie Freeman
AL (Cy Young) David Price, (MVP) Adrian Gonzalez), and (ROY) Kyle Drabek
NL (West) Gigantes, (Central) Cardinals, (East) Braves, and (Wild Card) Phillies
AL (West) Athletics, (Central) Twins, (East) Red Sox, and (Wild Card) Yankees
World Series: Braves over Red Sox
NL (Cy Young) Clayton Kershaw, (MVP) Albert Pujols, and (ROY) Brandon Belt
AL (Cy Young) Gio Gonzalez, (MVP) Alex Rodriguez, and (ROY) Kyle Drabek
Let the 2011 season begin.
“Call Me Now!!”
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The Bro Hug
Bro Hug: Noun or verb – a manly hug between two dudes who are cool with each other.
So I got off the airplane, saw my friend…there were bro hugs all around. Then we went to the bar for some shots to catch up.
That just happened.
Ryan Howard giving my Father a bro hug on the field before game 3 of the NLCS.
How the hell did this happen?
My Dad and his friend (Brad) signed up to hold the flag during the National Anthem before game 3 of the NLCS. They were not rookies, as they signed up for the same duties before Los Gigantes home opener back in April. They had to arrive at Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park at 7AM for “practice”. My Dad and Brad were at the bar before 8AM.
KJ and I arrived at the bar at 10AM. Holy Cow, it was a SSSSSS show. My Pops and Brad were “in the game” deep. Brad told us to put our drinks on the tab, we did not argue.
Brad: “You jerk-offs (term of affection) want to go onto the field and hold the flag?”
SLY: “How are we going to do that?”
Brad: “You will walk on with us.”
SLY: “That easy?”
Brad: “it is that easy, just stay in line.”
SLY: “Game on.”
Flag duty report time was 11AM, we put in a good hour of work at the bar before we made our way out towards McCovey Cove.
We arrived to the Cove and the flag was laid along the walk way stretching from the right field entrance to center field.
It became obvious that KJ and I were not the only ones Brad and my Pops invited to hold the flag. Random new friends from the bar and walkers passing by ended up getting in line with us.
The thought of jail time for trespassing crept into my mind. I am not like Oscar from the office, I would not love jail.
Here is how this was even possible.
The organizers had no way to verify who was actually supposed to hold the flag. There were no stamps, bracelets, or shirts.
The organizers assumed only the people who practiced would show up for the real deal.
There were a great number of flag crashers.
After an hour wait, it was go time. The gates opened and we started our walk onto the field.
I walked right onto the field.
It was surreal.
We passed the Phillies bullpen.
KJ: “What’s up Chooch?” (Carlos Ruiz)
Carlos was a little stunned.
Pops, KJ, Myself, and Brad were all standing in right field. Players were warming up 10 feet away.
I reached down and pulled grass from the outfield and filled my pants pockets. It seemed like a good idea. I then pulled out my camera.
Jayson Werth warmed up next to me.
SLY: “You’d look good in Orange and Black.”
Ryan Howard then ran past me.
SLY: “Smile for the camera Ryno.”
I really wanted to say “You should’ve taken Turtle’s Tequila offer in Entourage!”
Howard pointed at me and started to laugh. My drunken reactions were a little late with the camera. Damn. That would’ve been a good shot.
I took in the scene and admired my good fortune.
A blurring streak appeared out of my left eye near the foul line.
The streak was my Pops as he ran over to Ryan Howard.
Security started to move in.
This isn’t good. I grabbed my camera out.
A few words were exchanged between Howard and Pops, and then it happened.
I was stunned.
SLY: “Holy ****, I think I got a picture of that. What the effff just happened.”
KJ: “Bro Hug, Bro… Bro Hug.”
The Flag Organizer yelled for my Pops to get back to the flag.
“Go Go Go” yelled the Flag Organizer.
I almost forgot what we were on the field for.
Allen Iverson was right, who needs practice.
KJ and I acted like we knew what we were doing.
We ran the flag out at a “high speed at our best speed.”
Ben Gibbard (Death Cab) performed the Star Spangled Banner. Perfect.
When the anthem ended we walked off the field and then sprinted around the stadium. We didn’t want to miss the first pitch.
Stupid walk ways, we arrived a batter late.
I asked Pops what he said to Howard.
Pops: “I was giving him hitting advice.”
This wasn’t the first time Pops has given an All-Start hitting tips. Pops famously talked with David Wright in 2008 for over an hour at the Ritz in San Francisco.
Pops does know the art of hitting, but it takes some serious stones (or an alcohol induced mind) to tell a MLB All-Star what they are doing wrong at the plate.
Ryno went 0-4.
Pops is a Gigantes fan.
Matt Cain shoved, Los Gigantes went up 2-1 in the series, and I started to seriously believe Los Gigantes were going to win the series.
Honestly, this was one of my favorite days of my life.
The Flag Organizers made a significant change for the World Series. I noticed all the flag holders were wearing special shirts to designate who was actually supposed to be on the field.
Blame the Bro Hug.
I have never
been to a Gigantes playoff game where they were victorious.
I am 0 for 2.
I went to
those games as a child.
I am now
legally able to purchase alcoholic beverages, which makes me a man.
I stated in
the previous post I was going to dye my beard ala B-Jeezy .
I went for
it, big time.
home from work around 2:00pm last Thursday.
The Just for Men was ready to
rock. The color was labeled as REAL BLACK. (That’s why it looks so damn good on men,
words don’t lie.)
5 Easy Minutes? I think not.
I quickly read the
instructions. I figured I’ve seen the commercials
enough where my man instincts would take over.
I mixed the color and went to town on my beard. I then proceeded to make a fatal JFM booboo. One month before my 27th day of
birth, my beard still comes in patchy.
thought it’d be a good idea to brush the patchy areas with the color brush. I had 5 minutes to kill (downed a beer) while
the color set. I was surprised how much
the JFM stung my face. I wonder if
B-Jeezy had the same experience.
5 minutes ended and I jumped into the shower.
I got out and was met with hysterical laughter from Lj. My patchy spots were still filled in with the
real black color of JFM.
Holy Mother Effing
Toledo Uranus Saturn Christo.
I kept telling myself.
out, Lj told me the dye might stay in my skin for a week. I had work in 48 hours. I had JFM regret, but I imagine that’s part
of the experience.
grabbed some household items that may remove the dye from my skin.
3. K-Y Warming
Sensation Lube (Awkward…)
I had to own
it; the dye was here to stay.
I wasn’t planning
on wearing the Timmy wig and Jersey, but hell, might as well go all out.
I put the
outfit on and looked in the mirror.
showed equal parts Tim Lincecum, Jesus Christo, and Brian Wilson.
loaded into the vehicle and we were off to Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park. Lj asked me to get sunglasses out of the
My thought process: I
am driving, why doesn’t Lj grab the glasses.
I opened the console and found an item with the glasses, a
freakin Smirnoff Ice.
Lj and KJ
thought this was hilarious.
Holy Mother Effing
Toledo Uranus Saturn Christo.
SLY: “I am
not drinking this until we get there.”
keep it warm for ya.”
KJ took the Smirnoff
Ice and proceeded to place the bottle under his butt to insure safe keeping.
at the parking lot, I got on one knee and accepted my icing like a champ.
walking by us laughed rather hard. I don’t
know if they laughed at my appearance or the icing, possibly a combination of
on our pregame agenda.
Grandparents were also attending the game and were to meet us at Petes.
Here is all
you need to know about my Grandparents.
on my Grandfather and his alcohol consumption:
Grandfather may not be able to walk or talk, but he can always drive us home.”
I love my
When we met
them at the bar they already had a table and drink. My Grandmother did not recognize me. Once she realized it was me, she told me “I
was sooo ugly” about 12 times in 25 minutes.
How is this mug ugly?
are no rookies at the bar scene. My
Grandpa ordered a Jack on the rocks and my Grandma ordered a white zin.
also brought a 13oz flask of Jack. My
Grandma brought a jug of wine. They
continued to re-fill their glass.
quality pre-game, it was time to get into the park.
I made notes of things that were said to me because of my appearance.
Here are the
happened?” (My response: JFM is more complicated than it looks on TV.)
My friend Brad
came up clutch with tickets; they were 4 rows from the field, right past first
the hill and the park took on an electric feel.
We all know
what happened next.
CG SHO 14K
I had to
write a short poem for the historical performance.
All the hitters whine
Butts return to the pine
14 Ks though Nine
Smoke Smoke Celebration Time
Timmy in August? I prayed to Jesus
Christo to end Timmy’s Cy Yuck funk. Jesus
is obviously a fan of #55.
I was the
guy at the yard who led the booing of Braves fans. If I spotted a Braves fan, I would stop,
point with two (more manly than one) fingers, and yell “Boooo That Man.”
realized he was not welcome.
I do not
remember much about the ride home. I
remember I was one happy boy.
My first playoff
victory made me feel warm and tingly inside.
I was ready for game two.
October 8th, 2010.
occurred when I washed my face. The
toner (step 2) of the Proactiv system took the dye off my face. I no longer wanted to look like a man with a
sharpie on his face. I used about $16.36
of Proactiv toner to remove the excess dye from the skin of my face.
I have been
told by my Hispanic friends that I am an honorary Mexican because of my love of
the food and tequila. I now looked the
part as well. Too bad it wasn’t Cinco de
KJ and I left
for the yard after a quick gym session. We
arrived at the parking lot, and there was no attendant, but we parked
anyways. We headed to 21st
Amendment for a little pre-game until the attendant could take our money.
21st Amendment was fantastic, great brews and food. With our belts loosened and our brains mushy,
we walked back to the parking lot.
There was still
Maybe it was
the 9.7% brews or maybe it was our gambling background. We made a decision that could drastically
alter our night.
it, let’s roll the dice.”
SLY: “I don’t
think Jack (Attendant’s name) looks at the tickets. He’s more concerned with dying.”
KJ: “A tow
truck wouldn’t even fit in here.”
SLY: “A parking
ticket is like $45, only $15 more than what they’re charging.”
KJ: “On to
we made our way into the yard. We had
the same seats as game one, boooyeeehawwww.
I had total confidence
in Cain, and he dealt.
I thought the game was over when Pat the Bat went 3-run jimmy jack in the
got run for the final time in his hall of fame career.
I was almost
in celebration mode.
to make Braves fans feel uncomfortable for coming into our yard.
I never felt
better yelling at a grown man.
Brad and I
did start quite a few chants to heckle a Brave.
We heckled a player not
even on the roster, the bullpen catcher.
I don’t know
his first name but his last name was Butts.
started out harmless.
to get worse…
LIKE IT IN YOURRRRRR…..”
We started to take requests from other Gigantes fans for chants they wanted to hear with “Butts”
involved. They ranged from G-NC-17
We had David
Ross in stitches.
friendly Usher told us he was watching us, and we were not permitted to heckle
That was a
the chants until the Braves mounted the game tying rally in the 8th. I was no longer in celebration mode. Rick Ankiel punched 44,032 Gigantes fans in the stomach. Doesn’t he know we came to see Los Gigantes win?
My mind now
wondered if KJ’s truck would still be in the parking lot. I walked up 2nd Street, turned
down Brannon, and approached the lot.
off, the truck was still there.
FP was on
fire on the leader during the ride home.
He was combative and had zero tolerance for poor baseball knowledge from
KJ and I
were angry about the outcome but still had a very positive outlook on the
We got home
around 1:30am. I had to be at work in 6
was shaved off so I could look somewhat professional at work Saturday
morning. I did have an awesome 5 O’clock
shadow due to the real blackness of
Sanchez+ Brooks Conrad = Gigantes Victory.
Big ups to
Fred Sanchee for the 2 out hit to extend the 9th inning for
Huff. That’s why you were brought to the
If I ever
meet Brooks, I am buying that man as many drinks as he needs. I feel he will be hitting the bottle often
the next couple days, months, and years.
I hope this series hasn’t ruined his life. I am dead serious. His friends need to be on suicide watch.
I put myself
on suicide watch when I had a horrible game in high school and made a few
is everything in baseball. It is going
to take him a long time to recover.
I loved the
result, but feel for the guy.
KJ and I to watch the game, he brought beer.
Good man as always. I arrived in
the 3rd inning, freakin 4:30pm start time. It was 1-0 Braves.
RT text’d us
how he was pissed the Gigantes were getting no-hit by a guy on three days’
rest. KJ, C-Lew and I all stated the
same mantra “We’re one pitch away from tying this game.”
inning: Insert Cody Ross, Hero.
MadBum deep to reclaim the lead in the 6th. McCann
is a straight stud.
This is where
los Gigantes have been so tough all season.
They scratch, claw, bite, and do any thing possible thing to eke out
Top of the 7th
was no different.
Who got the
big 2 out hit?
Loogy, and Wilson close out the game.
included a class move to applaud and pay respects to Bobby Cox’s career.
Bring on the
cannot come fast enough.
If you haven’t
seen Ashkon’s “Don’t Stop Beilieving” Gigantes 2010 Anthem, you need to check
Honestly. I am jealous I do not have the talent to do
something like this.
I love the Will
“The Thrill” impersonation.
Who, what, come again?
The Postseason, I understand we haven’t seen each other in quite some time.
It’s been 7 years. I didn’t think I would ever see you again. Champagne to celebrate?
2003 was the last time los Gigantes made a postseason appearance.
Flashback to 2003:
I was a 20 year old college baseball player, unable to legally purchase alcohol, gamble, or rent a car.
2003 was also the year I got kicked out of Pac Bell Park when I interfered and “ruined baseball.”
Skip (Head Baseball Coach at Napa Valley College) gave RT and I his front row bleacher seats over the Yahoo! sign. The game was 8-1 (Marlins lead) in the bottom of the 7th. Jeffery Hammonds (who was playing for Barry Lamar) hit a ball deep to left-center field. The ball was coming straight for us. It became apparent the ball was going to be a little short (Guess he was the only Gigante not taking advantage of BALCO). I reached over the fence, and stretched, and then stretched some more. My torso was completely over the fence with my arm outstretched as far as possible. The ball hit the edge of the webbing of my PRO-ALMC model SSK and fell down to the warning track.
If Jeffery looked like this, I would have caught the ball and not been humiliated.
I lifted my torso back up, and was immediately booed by 40,000 Gigantes fans. The intoxicated bleacher bum in the row behind us began pounding his fist into my back and screamed:
IBB: “You ruined baseball! You ruined baseball!!”
SLY: “It’s an 8-1 game, it was going to be a double anyways!”
IBB: “You ruined baseball! You ruined baseball!”
An Usher quickly came to escort me (RT came too) out of the ballpark for “ruining baseball”. As I was being escorted out, 40,000 people began to cheer.
I was being cheered, to leave. Humiliating.
As I took one look back to the field where I was being banished from, the young leftfielder of the Marlins, Miguel Cabrera gave me an appreciative thumbs up.
You’re welcome Miguel.
The worst part wasn’t over.
My phone started to ring, and ring, and ring some more.
Dad: “What the hell were you doing? Kruk circled, and then eliminated you.”
I had this same call throughout the rest of the day.
I was on SportsCenter for the 2nd time (I have now been on 3 times, the third time was almost as embarrassing, another day another blog).
The cherry on top- The next day (Monday) I went to the cafeteria to get some lunch before baseball practice. As I was purchasing my meal the lunch lady looked at me and said:
“If you are going to go over the fence, catch it, MEAT.”
I have not brought my glove to a professional ballgame since.
To end the 2003 flashback, the Marlins beat los Gigantes in the NLDS and went on to win the World Series.
The Marlins have been in the postseason twice (both Wild Cards) in their 17 year existence, have beaten los Gigantes in the NLDS both times, and went on to win the World Series both times.
Symmetry is disgusting.
Flash forward back to 2010. Los Gigantes are one Dub-Ya away from poppin’ some bubbly.
Asta La Bye-Bye Fathers.
Mad-Bum fought though his start for his first W at Pac-Bell/SBC/AT&T Park on Thursday.
Los Gigantes again scored all of their runs off Jimmy Jacks. It is as exciting as it is flawed.
…I really want to get back to Wednesday.
Los Gigantes and I had great days.
I was unable to watch the game, as KJ, RT, LJ, and I had tickets to watch the Black Keys perform at the Fox Theater.
Pat the Bat hit the 3-run Jimmy Jack during the opening act (The Black Seeds, solid act). After the first 2 innings Timmy was in full control, we felt like the game was over. It was.
The Black Keys came to the stage.
Holy Smokes (Too bad Timmy couldn’t join in the fun).
I got ear EFFF’d by the Black Keys and loved every second of it.
As I enjoyed the love being made to my ears, I was able to draw one comparison between The Black Keys and los Gigantes.
Both played as a team with unparalleled confidence.
Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney are a team, a great team, and they get each other. They diverge and extend their tracks when they see fit. As a spectator, you can see them (Dan to Patrick) making eye contact, an unspoken sign that signifies where they will go next.
Los Gigantes are playing their best and most confident baseball of the year. The 2010 version of los Gigantes has to be one of the best chemistry teams in San Francisco history.
KJ, RT, LJ, and I all left the Fox Theater in a state of nirvana.
We were really hungry for some reason.
In N Out to the rescue.
POSTSEASON ROSTER DEBATE
As KJ and I were sitting on the couch during Thursday’s game, we started talking about the postseason roster and who would fill it out.
I asked him and RT to e-mail me their 25 man rosters. I wanted to see how our rosters stacked up to Boch’s.
KJ and RT’s Roster were identical. I truly think this is the 25 man roster Bochy will run with. RT also added that he would add Chris Ray and sub Renteria in the 2nd round. If los Gigantes are fortunate enough get to the 2nd round, where I expect them to face the Fight’n Phils, I would like to see another lefty in the pen.
I want to know one item before I make my final decision. Does Bochy plan on starting Zito in a playoff series?
If Bochy plans on starting Zito, than this is the roster I would run with.
If Bochy does not plan on starting Zito, there is no use for him on this roster. He cannot come out of the bullpen. It takes him 50-75 throws to get loose. I am sure most would agree that Zito is the weak link of our starters.
If Zito is not used at as a starter, I would add Dan Runzler to the 25 man roster. Lefty Power arms are scarce; los Gigantes already have one with Jeremy Affeldt, two would be deadly late in games (Phillies anyone?).
By the way, it looks like Jeremy joined the “Just for Men” beard team as well.
It would also be humorous to have $30 million dollars left off the postseason roster (Zito and Rowand).
Bochy will probably name Zito the 2 or 3 starter, citing his experience and MadBum will take the roster spot where I would place Runzler.
We will find out by Tuesday.
The postseason door is open, los Gigantes just have to walk through.
I can almost taste the cheap champagne and beer.
I do not handle losses well.
I sulk, complain, and generally act like a 4 year old child who lost his teddy bear.
I especially do not handle tough losses well.
The game was on television while I was at work when CarGo scored from first on what seemed to be a single off the bat of Tulowitzki to end the game.
I turned off the televisions and stormed outside.
Co-workers took notice of my mood.
Co-Worker #1: “Why are you mad? It is just a game.”
Co-Worker #2: “Are you going to be in a bad mood all night?”
I stared at them until they felt uncomfortable.
I couldn’t feel any further removed from the euphoria I felt the day before.
None of the televisions were allowed to show the lowlights from the game. The televisions were tuned to channels where I was assured not see a single MLB highlight.
I have seen the eXtenze infomercial with Jimmy Johnson seven times.
“Go long with eXtenze, I do.” Thanks Jimmy, but I’ll pass.
I realize I have issues.
I call even money on a schizophrenia diagnosis if I see a psychiatrist from the months of April-October.
A few short notes:
Goodbye historical pitching run. Way to go out in style.
6 of the 9 Gigantes runs came way of the long ball. This trend continues.
J Welcome back Andy J
KJ and I talked before the game about the humidor and the effects of los Gigantes complaint filed with MLB will have on the rest of the series.
SLY: “They (Rockies) are going to go all out with the non-humidor’d balls. Effing Slugfest”
…19 runs and 32 hits later. The Coors Field of my youth.
Feast it was.
Fred Sanchee does not go Opp-O Bomb.
Cody Ross hit a high fly ball that carried out for a three-run jack (I loved the dude who caught the Ross bomb. He had a strap-back Rockies hat with his pony-tail through the hole in the hat, so money).
Matt Cain can get me back to my euphoric state with a win tomorrow…errrr today, first pitch is in less than 9 hours.
I need to find my Teddy.
The raging fire in San Bruno (Please spare Artichoke Joe’s Casino) made a 496 mile jump down the 5 and touched down at Petco Park in the third base dugout’s bat rack. From the fire came four monster potatoes. It was only the 20th time a team has hit 4 home runs in a game at Petco.
I thought I was watching a Balco influenced game from 2002 (How I miss those days).
I thought my man crush for Pat the Bat had peaked.
I was wrong. His blast to the top to the Western Metal Supply building made me forget I was at work. I let out an expletive that could lead to my termination which would result in the foreclosure of my home, becoming homeless, hitch hiking to San Francisco, and holding a sign on 2nd street which reads “Will do anything for standing room seats, I am serious, anything“. Umm, I do not want to run my family name though the mud, maybe ill just apply at Pete’s Tavern for a bar back position.
That sounds like fitting use of my B.S. Degree.
Let’s give a big round of applause to Matthew Thomas Cain. He did exactly what he needed to do. He attacked the string cheese lineup that Bud Black is forced to write-in on the lineup card. All I want from the pitchers in this series is to force anyone but A-Gon to beat us. A-Gon is the only Father hitter with an OPS over .800 in the everyday lineup. Four of our eight everyday guys are posting an OPS of .800+.
Look, Its Chase Headley. Pitch to him!!!
I like our chances.
I love our chances.
I am starting to believe the Fathers will not make the playoffs. I looked at next month’s calendar and noticed that October was spelled different. It was spelled ROCKTOBER. Yes they Rockies are charging hard. Maybe the fire in San Bruno came from the team that plays in the mountains? They’re playing like a team with nothing to lose. Chris Nelson’s game winning steal of home was evidence of that. I watched the post game interview with Nelson. The kid ran on his own. UnFreak’nBelievable. The Roxs scare me, like hide under the covers scared.
I did have a dream last night that is worth mentioning. It involved a trade between Los Gigantes and the Roxs.
I dreamt the Rockies sent Ubaldo to Los Gigantes for… a box of baseballs. The press release stated “The Colorado Rockies have sent Ublado Jimenez to the San Francisco Giants for a box of game balls. The Rockies are happy to help Los Gigantes attempt to win their first World Series victory since 1954.”
Yes, this is what goes though my sub-conscious.
I was furious when I woke up and realized this did not happen.
Hopefully my dreams of a postseason birth will not go up in flames.
April 5th, 2010 was my personal Christmas, as I expect it was for many Americans. I didn’t sleep on Sunday night. Really I didn’t sleep. It doesn’t matter I was at work until 4:00AM. I fell asleep around 6:30AM only to have my alarm go off at 9:45AM. EFFFF sleep, there were multiple games to watch. I digested the Cards/Reds (Pujols is a machine, he is not human. He needs to be checked for a pulse), White Sox/Tribe (Buehrle anyone???), and Braves/Cubbies (Heyward looks like LeBron in a baseball uniform).
It was time. Gigantes vs. Houston. I had a thought I have not had in couple years when the lineups were posted on the TV screen. Los Gigantes lineup is better than the opponent. Without Lance Berkman, the Astros lineup was gross. It was evident Houston was going to have a problem scoring runs.
The Astros scored six runs in the series.
Lincecum shoved. Zito shoved. Cain shoved.
I love brooms.
I have one tangent. Does Hunter Pence annoy anyone else? Nothing he does looks natural. He throws and runs goofy. He hits with his so head so sideways it is almost on his right shoulder. He reminds me of a 45 year old rookie softball player who puts “hustle” on the back of his #14 jersey. Pence went 0 for the series, it was satisfying.
I was unable to attend the home opener as I am purchasing a home and will no longer have every extra cent to spend on Gigantes baseball. Yes, responsibility sucks.
I celebrated the home opener on the cheap. KJ and I had an opening day feast. KJ fired up the grill and I made beermosas. Perfect.
My Dad and friend (Brad) were in not only in attendance, but they were part of the on field “pomp and pageantry” (Greg Papa said this phrase about 10 times in a 30 minute pre-game show). Brad and my Dad got to hold the huge American flag on the field during the national anthem. They had to show up at 8:00AM for practice. This gave them a 4 hour gap to marinade, and they did.
My Dad was wearing a Panda hat and was consuming copious amounts of Jager. He was interviewed by multiple television crews. He made the cut in at least one. He was hilarious. I will try to post his video on YouTube and put a link up.
Los Gigantes are now selling Timmy wigs. I should be compensated.
Renteria’s game tying jack in the bottom of the 9th off Wagner gave me a flashback to the “I think something good happened” moment. Renteria has been unbelievable thus far, contract year???
Los Gigantes were 4-0, on pace for 162-0. I think that would be a record.
I attended the Saturday night game.
SLY’s 2010 Gigantes record: 0-1
I may be a jinx this year. This was confirmed when I met a man whose blood alcohol level was high enough to the point that I am certain he could not have operated a “Power Wheels” children vehicle from the early 90s.
Here is our short conversation:
Power Wheels: “Let me be real.”
SLY: “Be real.”
Power Wheels: “I am 10-0 in my lifetime coming to Gigantes games. I’ve been coming to games since Will “The Thrill” played here.”
Will Clark never played a game at Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park.
I put my hands on my knees and started to laugh.
Power Wheels: “Hey, Easy Rambo!”
KJ grabbed me and we quickly left the angry drunk man.
My empirical evidence shows that drunk luck is one the strongest sources of luck in the world. I work in a casino. I know about drunk luck. My jinx was strong enough to break a drunken man’s 10-0 record. I am sure he was hammered at every one of the Gigantes games he attended.
I will not attend a Gigantes game until they lose without my presence.
I did not attend the rain-delayed game on Sunday.
Los Gigantes won.
Timmy was awesome minus one mistake which McCann hit a mile.
I will not mind if I do not attend another game this season.
Bring on the Buc-Os.
Barry Zito is on the hill.
Get your favorite adult beverage and participate in the Barry Zito Drinking Game.
I will post the results of the game tomorrow.