Tagged: Barry Bonds

The Daily Bs from http://The-Three-Bs.com

Here are March and April’s Daily Bs from http://The-Three-Bs.com 

4/29/11

 

Breaking News: Sharks love the taste of Wings.

 

The Sharks and Red Wings are set to square off in the Western Conference Semi-Finals tonight inSan Jose.I will be in attendance.I plan on being loud, obnoxious, and somewhat inebriated.

 

I do not change who I am for the playoffs.

 

Playoff Hockey can only be truly appreciated live.It has everything I love about sports: excitement, emotion, and drama.

 

I plan on catching most of Lincecum’s start against the Nationals at the Brit before the puck drops.

 

I have made it a point to watch a few Nationals games since F.P. Santangelo took the color analysis job with the team.

 

Goodness, I feel for the guy.How does F.P. deal with Bob Carpenter on a daily basis without becoming a raging alcoholic?

 

Most baseball fans are familiar with Bob Carpenter as he has done MLB game for ESPN for years.I have always enjoyed his voice and pace on the ESPN broadcasts.

 

My enjoyment of Carp diminishes with each Nationals game I watch.Maybe F.P. and Carp haven’t had enough time to build chemistry with each other.One thing is for sure, there is no natural chemistry between the two.

 

Here are a couple of quick exchanges from Carp and F.P.:

 

Man on 1st base with 1 out (pitcher not up).

 

Carp: “Should he bunt (Sacrifice) here?”

 

F.P.: “No.”

 

For non-stitch heads: No normal thinking baseball brain would sacrifice bunt with one out and a man on first (unless the pitcher was at bat).

 

A pitch thrown an eyelash off the plate called a ball.

 

F.P. “Wayyyy outside.”

 

Carp: “No way, that was really close.”

 

(This instance happens about once a game)

 

Poor Carp doesn’t get F.P.’s sarcasm, which is half of his shtick.

 

Here is my conclusion on Bob Carpenter: Carp has a great voice but rarely says anything of substance.He is the announcer version of a gorgeous dumb chic.Eventually you will see through the beauty and only notice the flaws.

 

The NFL Draft:

 

Patrick Conner (@pcon34) player bios on KNBR were the sole reason I enjoyed Thursday’s first round. They were informative and full of sexual innuendo.Right up my alley.P-Con would fit in nicely with the Three Bs crew.

 

I owe him a few drinks for the laughs.

 

Good bye Michael Scott:

 

LJ and I popped a bottle ofChampagnefor Michael Scott’s last appearance on the office.It was a sad television moment. A tear or two may or may not have been shed on the couch.

 

Michael Scott’s final line on the office was perfect.

 

Michael Scott: “I can’t wait to get this off my chest. (Microphone taken off and then no sound but Michael’s lips mouthed) That’s what she said.”

 

Television will miss you.

 

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4/28/11

 

The early morning start time made following the game rather difficult today.I had to (Gasp!) fulfill my job responsibilities.I caught about an innings worth of action on television while I followed the rest of the game on ESPN’s GameCast.I have yet to buy my ipad and Slingbox.I need these two items for my future sanity.

 

Congratulations to Ryan Vogelsong who earned his first major league win since 2005.His stat line of 5.2 IN, 2 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, and 8 Ks would have been The Spiritual Southpaw’s best performance of the year.

 

Vogelsong must be on cloud nine.

 

If Vogelsong doesn’t know how to get to cloud nine, I am sure tomorrow’s starter can help him find his way.

 

Los Gigantes went 2-24 with RISP for the three game series.That is not a recipe for winning a series.I will take it, los Gigantes haven’t fared too well in theSteelCityover the past few years.

 

A Three Bs observation:

 

I have talked to KJ and RT about the lineup the past few days.We all feel it is about time to switch Aubrey Huff and Pablo Sandoval in the batting order.I wouldn’t be surprised if the switch happens sooner than later.Pablo looks like an improved more polished 2009 version of himself.He is averaging a career high 3.75 pitches per plate appearance and swinging at a career low 52% of pitches thrown his way.

 

Plate discipline on and off the field has helped the Kung Fu Panda.

 

Goodbye to Michael Scott:

 

Tonight will be Michael Scott’s last scheduled (I guarantee he will be on the series finale) appearance on “The Office”.The show has not been as good the last few seasons, but last week’s “Dundies” episode reminded everyone how great the show used to be, as it was the best episode from the past 3 seasons.

I salute you Michael Scott.I wore a women’s suit at work today in your honor.

 

 

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4/26/11

 

Los Gigantes got swept by the Braves and I still managed to have a great weekend.Is this the first sign of maturity?

 

I hope not.

 

The Top 3 items from the weekend:

 

1. RT got engaged.

 

My longtime best friend asked his girl to marry him.He was on a beach in Hawaii, had a huge rock, and there might have been alcohol involved.How could she say no?

 

Congratulations to RT and Ashley.

 

Love you guys.

 

I was informed that I will be the best man and will need to tackle the challenge of throwing the bachelor party.

 

It is a great honor, I will do my best to re-create “The Hangover”, but I will add baseball references into the dialog.

 

2. My Pops found a new job.

 

My Pops has been out of a job for the last 6 months.He found an employer that recognizes and appreciates what he can bring to the company.I have no doubts he will kick ass.

 

3. I had my first Television interview.

 

It was local, the lights were bright, and I was nervous.I was a little stiff.I should have had a drink or three.I was interviewed about the online gambling sites that were shut down and how it has affected brick and mortar Casinos. I have a good amount of knowledge on the subject but I am not sure how well it translated into the clip they played.I did feel good that most of the information I gave to the reporter was used in the story.

 

I did look damn good.It was Orange Friday.I always wear the Orange Tie on Orange Friday.

 

This was my first TV appearance since RT and I were kicked out of Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park.I am definitely telling that story along with The $200 French Fries stories at RT and Ashley’s wedding.

 

Easter Baseball:

 

I attended Los Gigantes and Braves game with my Pops on Easter Sunday.It was a beautiful day at the yard.I met Pops at 21st Amendment to have a holy beer. I got a Double Daddy (Speakeasy Brewery was a guest brew) since it was 9.5% and we were in a rush.

 

Dear Shaun,

 

Do not pound 9.5% beers. Do not pound 9.5% beers.Do not pound 9.5% beers.

 

Thank you,

 

Shaun

 

Pops and I received what appeared to be the last 2 replica World Series trophies at the gate.People were lined up at 8:30am to get the giveaway.They are currently selling for $50+ on ebay.People are sick.

 

I may use Gorilla Glue to glue the base of the trophy on the hood of my car where the BMW logo is.It may add value to my 230k mile car.

 

I did do something at the game I cannot remember doing since I have been able to drive.

 

I left as the game was headed to the 10th inning. The choice was not mine.I had to cover a shift for an employee at work.

 

I know, Sacrilege on Easter Sunday.

 

I ended up 45 minutes late to work.Maybe it was good I didn’t have to see the Miguel Tejada Statue not move for the Nate Mclouth 46-hopper into center field.

 

Miggy looks older than the 48 years of age he is listed in the media guide.

 

Los Gigantes are in Pittsburgh to face a family friend in Clint Hurdle.

 

Clint is one of my favorite people in baseball.I wish him all the success in the steel city, but I hope Los Gigantes put a hurting on the BucOs.I am looking forward to Ryan Vogelsong’s start on Thursday. He is facing the team he was traded to in 2001 from the team he was traded from.Is there such thing as double motivation? That was one of San Francisco’s two trade rapes of the Pirates in the last decade.

 

2001: Pittsburg received Armando Rios and Ryan Vogelsong while San Francisco netted Jason Schmidt and John Vanderwall.

 

2009: Pittsburg received Tim Alderson while San Francisco received Freddy Sanchez.

In both cases, Los Gigantes came up short reaching the playoffs in the year they made the trade but ended up in the World Series the next year.

 

What’s the Moral of the Story?Make a trade with Pittsburg!

 

I wrote Trade Rape and laughed, maturity be damned.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

4/20/11

Yesterday I placed the failed Lincecum no-hit bid squarely on the broad shoulders of Kenneth Jones.He handled the weight well and used his powerful JuJu to help Bay Area sports last night.

 

KJ used his JuJu on Ubaldo in the first inning, capped by another monstrous potato from Pablo Sandoval.Neil Everett of ESPN had one of the better lines I have heard on SportsCenter in a while: “The Panda lost 40 punds but still feasts on sliders.”

 

Yum Yum.

 

Give Pablo the MVP award if he continues his pace .328/.400/.603 with 48 HRs and 148 RBI.

 

…and Pablo just strained his right triceps.That never would have happened last year.Good to know he has muscles to strain now.

 

KJ’s JuJu was also placed on the Los Angeles Kings at the 19:12 mark in the 2nd period.As all Sharks fans know (and most sports fans inAmerica know by now) the Kings held a 4-0 lead, the game seemed all but over.

 

KJ turned to the A’s game (Andersondominated). I was disgusted.I flipped over to the A’s game and caught a little bit of the other late MLB games on the Extra Innings package (Best $$$ I have ever spent.The GF will probably hate me by July).I flipped back to the Sharks game, not because I felt they could come back. I truly thought the game and maybe the season was being flushed down the toilet.I turned back because my friend Nick alerted me he was playing “Shots for Goals.”The name says it all.I was now rooting for goals of any kind, especially once he told me that he was asked to come into work early the next morning.

 

3:08 into the 2nd period, Patty lights the lamp, 4-1 Kings.

 

6:53 into the 2nd period, Clowe puts the biscuit in the basket, 4-2 Kings

 

SLY: “Got a new game here.”

 

KJ: “Wake me when they get within a goal.”

 

13:32 into the 2nd period, Couture puts one in the old onion bag (resorting to soccer scoring references), 4-3 Kings.

 

SLY: “Ummm 4-3.”

 

13:47 into the 2nd period, Evil Ryan Smyth puts one in for the Kings, 5-3.

 

SLY: “Ummm 5-3, efffing Ryan Smyth.”

 

18:35 into the 2nd period, Clowe scores his second goal of the period, 5-4 Kings.

 

SLY: “5-4.”

 

KJ did not return any of these messages.He was concentrating his entire JuJu on the Kings.

 

It worked.

 

19:29 into the 2nd period, The Big Pavelski tied up the game.

 

(How many big time goals does this guy deliver?)

 

KJ: “Boom!!!!!!”

 

What a freaking period, 7 goals and 7 shots for Nick.He is a huge Sharks fan, I am sure the 5 shots from the Sharks went down like velvet.

 

Los Gigantes were playing in Coors Field, the way the goals were being put on the board; I had to wonder if this game was being played there as well.The non-humidor pucks must have been put into play.

 

The Kings brought out the pucks stashed in the humidor for the 3rd period.

 

The pucks from the humidor worked as there was no offense.

 

Overtime Playoff Hockey; try to convince me there is any sport with more drama.

 

3:09 into OT, Setoguchi scores one of the biggest goals in Sharks history.

 

I loved Setoguchi’s celebration; it was very Jonathon Cheechoo like.

 

One of my pet peeves (Not having Heinz ketchup at a restaurant is one.) is when announcers or writers proclaim an event or occurrence is unbelievable.It is one of the most over used phrases in sports.

I will never patronize your establishment if you serve this.

This was one time where I was not upset that Randy Hahn dropped an UNBELIEVABLE!!!

 

It truly was.

 

I imagine the 11th and final shot of the night for Nick went down easier than the first 10.

 

Final Note:

A very Happy 23rd Birthday to Brandon Belt, whose birthday gift from Los Gigantes was a free plane ticket back to Fresno.

 

Someone remind the kid about a guy named Matt Williams.

 

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4/19/11

 

The Juju That Ruined The No-Hit Bid

 

Tim Lincecum’s no hit bid ended in the 7th inning on a 3-1 fastball that Carlos Gonzalez smacked into right field.Who was the happiest the no-hit bid failed?

 

A gigante Gigantes fan.

 

I am talking about Kenneth Jones, or as he is known on The Three Bs: KJ.

 

KJ was in a classroom 1,240 miles west of Coors Field.He had no access to a television and his ipod cannot pick up an AM radio signal.KJ’s blackberry (MLB.com and my BBMs) was his only source of updates.

(Insert Slingbox Plug here.)

 

BBM Messaging:

 

6:57pm

 

SLY: “The hit column has 0 hits for theRockiesthrough 5.”

 

KJ: “I see said the blind man.”

 

7:08pm

 

SLY: “Six innings complete.”

 

KJ: “FML”

 

(For those of you who do not know 14 year old girl lingo; FML stands for Fuck My Life.)

 

KJ did not want this no-hit bid to go down for a couple of reasons:

 

1.Nobody wants to hear about or watch the highlights of a no-hitter. We (fans) need to watch it live.We want to brag to our friends that we watched the game from the beginning.

 

(I have only watched two no-hitters from 1st to last pitch: 1. Kevin Millwood vs. Los Gigantes and Jonathon Sanchez vs. The Fathers.

 

This is why ESPN will always break programming and go to a no-hitter in progress.

 

2.He missed most of Jonathon Sanchez’s no hitter in 2009.He was at dinner with the lovely KTbug.He loves KTbug, but this had to kill him inside.I know how upset I would be.

 

Note to all girls.If a pitcher from your man or woman’s (politically correct) favorite team is throwing a no-no or perfect game, please allow them to drop whatever they are doing immediately and proceed straight to a television set.

 

If we are not allowed to do this, we will always hold some sort of resentment for the remainder of the relationship.

 

With these two reasons, KJ did not want Big Time to throw the no-no.

 

7:25pm

 

SLY: “You can relax; CarGo just hit a single with one out in the 7th.”

 

KJ: “Thank God.”

 

I believe negative feelings and vibes can manifest itself into something real, and I believe this is what happened with Lincecum’s no-hit bid.

Is it any surprise that KJ owns a Pedro Cerrano jersey?

KJ’s negative juju ruined any chance of Lincecum throwing a no-hitter yesterday.

 

I have to admit, I am impressed but a little scared of KJ at the moment.To change the course of history using only negative thoughts is an impressive feat.

 

KJ should put his powers to use; maybe Matt Kemp can pull a hammy?

 

Just sayin’.

 

Other Notes:

 

Nate Schierholtz’s moon shot yesterday was Bonsian.I haven’t yelled “Oh My God!” since Panda almost went splash in Right-Center at AT&T during Jonathon Sanchez’s no-hitter in 2009.

Nate must be using the flaxseed oil.

(Yes, I was drawling parallels from the 2 games as early as the 3rd inning).

 

Cody Ross will be activated tomorrow.I would send Darren Ford down and wait for Torres to be activated before I demote Belt.

 

I expect Belt will start some games in leftfield inFresno.This will only give Los Gigantes more flexibility when he returns.

 

Belt looked tentative the last 10 or so days.He was missing 3-2 belt high fastballs.That is a sign he is in his own head.He will figure it out.I am rooting for the kid.

 

Ubaldo is on the hill tonight.I hope the rust from the DL is evident.

 

If Ublado looks good after three innings, I will call in KJ’s negative juju.

______________________________________________________________________________

4/14/11

Well, that did not last long.

 

The Bryan Stow Peace Treaty lasted all of two days.It appears the BS Peace Treaty applies only off the field.

 

(As it should)

 

I would like to personally thank Don Mattingly.

 

Thank you, and…

 

By drilling Buster twice it appears Mattingly is trying to ignite the brawl fuse.Does he think it will bond his team together?

 

The PPV Gigantes/Doyers Royal Rumble is a real possibility next month when they meet again.

 

Will DirecTV let me order early?

 

Speaking of ordering, how many Gigantes fans ordered Showtime to watch “The Franchise: A Season with Los Gigantes de San Fransico” last night?

 

I know RT was one of them.

 

RT was alarmed when a Penn & Teller show was shown on the TV Guide time-slot where “The Franchise” was suppose to air.His blood pressure lowered when he saw Boch light up the cigar.

 

Nicotine calms even through the television.

 

If you thought the show felt rushed, you were right.Remember that the show was a preview and was only 30 minutes long.The producers of the show attempted to briefly introduce the audience to the main cogs of the team and a couple feel good stories (Marc Kroon and Brandon Belt).I believe they will gauge the response and try to play off whatever story lines or players test out the highest with the test audiences.

 

I am guessing we will see a whole lot of B-Weeze, Timmy, Skinny Panda, and Buster.

 

What was the best part of the show?

 

1. The off-season workouts of Andy Torres.

 

Torres work-out attire was classic.He did not wear a shirt or shoes.He did sport a massive platinum chain and True Religion denim jeans.

 

Torres workout consisted of running up dirt hills and throwing cinder blocks over his head.

It was like he was the Puerto Rican Rocky.Eye of the Tiger should have been playing as background music as he was on screen.

This is how I imagine Domingo Ayala trained when he successfuly defended his Rookie of the Year award.

“Pop da chain.”

2.The Soulful Southpaw.

Now pitching #75, The Soulful Southpaw

I affectionately refer to Barry Zito as the Singer/Songwriter, I am ditching that handle for the one Showtime bestowed upon him; The Soulful Southpaw.

 

No follow up joke/line needed.

 

RT suggested that we can no longer call The Soulful Southpaw by his given name, only his handle.

 

Done.

 

Today’s off day allows the Sharks to be front and center in Bay Area sports.

 

I love that we (fans) can use the same chant from the last three nights.Playoff matchups create and build rivalries.This could be the birth of Sharks and Kings hatred for each other.The rivalry possibility has all the ingredients; all it will take to become alive is a 6 or 7 game series.

 

Does anyone else have a feeling this is the year the Sharks are going to finally break though and win Lord Stanley’s Cup?

 

Over the past 5 years the Sharks have been the most successful professional team in the Bay Area (The Sabercats and their Arena Bowls excluded). This season has had a different feel than the last few years. They didn’t come out of the chutes on fire as they have the last 3 years. They were horrible the first two months and sat in 13th in the West.

 

The Sharks peaked at the right time and rocketed to finish with the two seed.

 

Kind of reminds me of Los Gigantes and their World Series run.

 

Nothing is better than Playoff Hockey…except Playoff Baseball.

______________________________________________________________________________

4/13/11

 

It was me.I ruined Timmy’s 4th inning.

 

Top 1:

 

BBM CHAT:

 

SLY: “Timmy looks incredible, Superman status.”

 

KJ:“96 MPH, Los Doyers have no chance.”

 

After the 3rd inning, I had a conversation with myself as if I were in a two-man announcing booth.

 

(Yes, these are part of my game watching activities when I am alone.)

 

SLY (Normalvoice): “Timmy looks like he has no-hit stuff.”

 

SLY (Deep announcer voice): “I hope the 49 pitches through three innings does not hurt his chances.”

 

(Full disclosure: I cooked a nice little dinner for myself and may or may not have been drinking.)

 

4th inning: One pitch, one out.

 

SLY (Normal Voice): “That will help the pitch count (glare at partner).

 

SLY (Deep announcer voice): “Thank you Johnny Obvious.”

 

Then it happened.

 

Timmy transformed from Superman to that dude inSeattlewho fancies himself a superhero.Yes, This guy.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend…Pheonix Jones

With the game seemingly hanging in the balance, Timmy revealed his best attribute (besides his freakish talent), his heart.Down 3-0 with men on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out, he managed to escape without any further damage.

 

Is there a superhero whose superhero ability is damage control?

 

Stan Lee says……no.

 

(Probably would not be the best seller at the comic book store.)

 

You know the rest of the game story.

 

It was easily the most satisfying game of the short season.

 

Since I announced the game to myself last night, I have the authority to comment on Kruk and Kuip.

 

Kruk and Kuip were on fire last night.KJ and I openly wondered if they were drinking the happy juice.

We can only hope this is the future of Kruk and Kuip.

Here are a few of their gems:

 

Kruk: “Kemp is Cabbage!”

 

(Kemp was caught stealing in the 2nd inning.What does that (Cabbage) even mean?I never heard that phrase until theSouthPark “JerseyShore” episode.Can somebody please enlighten me?I need to know.)

 

Kuip: “What a bitch’n tie.”

 

(A cameraman panned the crowd and came upon man in his work attire.The tie was flashy; it had silver, green, and purple.I was taken aback by the terminology.Was bitch’n used in the 70s?)

 

Kruk: “This is an absolute strikeout situation.”

 

(Kruk went to this line twice, in the 4th and 6th innings.What’s the problem you may ask?There were runners on the corners with 1 out in both situations.Am I the only one who wants a double play over a strikeout in this situation?)

 

By the way, I love Kruk and Kuip.The guys are quickly becoming classics.They remind me of a television series where as the years go on the characters’ personalities are more defined and then exaggerated.

 

Check out the first season of “The Simpsons”, Homer has lost a few points off his IQ each succeeding season.

Season 1 Season 20

A PPV Mealy:

 

On Monday, Juan BooOo-ribe was a whole lot of happy when he received his World Series ring. On Tuesday, it looked like he was ready to charge the mound after Timmy drilled him with his 115th and final pitch of the night in the 6th inning.

 

It was the second time Timmy has drilled BooOo-ribe this season.The umpire had to get in front of Juan as he shouted, “Das da sesond EFFing ty-mine!”

 

It got me thinking, what if someone charged Timmy on the mound?

 

It might be the biggest brawl in SF Gigantes history, Juan Marichal/John Roseboro included.

I doubt Timmy would get touched.Do you know what the top speed of a lean and mean Panda who knows kung fu is?

 

….I am not sure either, but I have a feeling we would see the Panda’s 7th gear hauling from 3rd base to intercept the would-be mound charger.

 

Panda’s are cute and vicious.

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4/12/11

 

It all comes out in the wash: gum, coins, bills, anti-diarrhea pills, condoms, and bad defense.Most Gigantes fans were well aware Los Gigantes played out of their heads defensively last postseason.Their shortcomings on defense were not exposed.

 

The wash cycle had ended.Thank God, for the extra long wash cycle!It could have ended in 2010.

 

Can I blame the poor defense on Brandon Belt’s excellence at first base?His bat and glove forced Aubrey Huff to the outfield.Los Gigantes have been exposed far too often in the outfield this year.

 

What happened to the best athlete on the team?

 

The taped body outline of #17 is seared into my brain.

 

Thoughts on Belt:

 

Belt probably has about 2 weeks to figure things out.He does not look comfortable right now.How many 4-3 putouts are we going to see?He has to be close to the record for most 4-3 putouts over a three-game period.I have six on my count (2 Friday, 3 Sunday, and 1 Monday).

 

Here is the BBM conversation with RT and KJ last night during Belt’s last at bat:

 

SLY: “4-3, 4-3, 4-3, 4-3, and 4-3.”

 

At the exact same time…

 

KJ: “How many 4-3’s does BB have now?”

 

RT: “A lot.”

 

If Belt does continue to struggle (Watch him go 4×4 tonight) and is optioned toFresno, there is some good that could come out of the situation.Start Belt in left field atFresno.He is a good enough athlete that he will figure it out.Los Gigantes defense will be largely improved if Belt can become a league average outfield defender.

 

Los Gigantes have Huff for next year as well.He is at the stage of his career where his defense can only decline.

 

Huff is less of a liability at first base.Belt can slide into the everyday 1st base roll in 2013.

 

Of course, this is all predicated on Belt being optioned toFresno.Los Gigantes will not try this experiment in a Major League game.

 

This option could also be readdressed after the season.

 

Since I just wrote this, Belt will go on a 20-42 tear and Huff will look like Roberto Clemente in right field.

 

I will enjoy the taste of crow.

 

Big Time Timmy Jim is on the bump tonight.

 

He looks filthy.

 

I do not believe Timmy has washed all season.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

4/11/11

Los Gigantes won 2 of 3 from the Cardinals.We should all thank Colby Rasmus.

 

I haven’t written a love letter in a while, it is about time.

 

 

Dear Colby,

 

You dashed like a gazelle into left-center field on both Friday and Saturday with your hair lightly bouncing in a way that reminded me of Fabio riding a horse on beach with a slight breeze from the ocean air.I know it was my love that stopped you from retrieving the ball that A-Row hit on Friday and dropping Miggy’s ball on Saturday.

 

You wanted to make me happy, I appreciate that.

 

I will return the favor (No homo).Let me know when and where.

 

I cannot wait to see you in St. Louis.

 

Love,

 

Shaun Lauren Yaple

I am sure that little note makes up for the looks Colby received from LaRussa the past couple of days.

 

The Dodgers come into town tonight. If there is anyone who wants to get even for Brian Stow, please don’t. Sports are for entertainment (Not Sports Entertainment!) and supposed to be fun.

 

Fans who engage in violence need to know who they are and where they’re at.Take a good look in the mirror. You will undoubtedly see a loser.

 

Hate the Franchise, not the people.

 

One Love and Go Gigantes.

______________________________________________________________________________

4/8/11

Los Gigantes will raise their 2010 World Championship banner momentarily.

 

Damn, it feels good to be a world champion.

 

Take it in….

 

Alright, that’s enough.There is a game to play and win.

 

Here’s hoping we get the Dirty Sanchez on this Opening Home game celebration.From what I hear, that exactly what is going on at 3rd and King this morning.My Pops (never one to miss a party) has confirmed the bars were packed by 10AM and the championship liquor was flowing free.

Why do you have Jager and a Bloody Mary? “Cause I like to party.”

I am disappointed I am not celebrating in a drunken baseball stupor with my Pops.

 

One quick baseball tangent:

 

MLB Tonight on the MLB Network spent a solid 10 minutes on Bryce Harper’s professional debut in A-ball.

 

Is it possible to be sick of the dude before I watch him play a big league game?I don’t need Japanese style reports on Bryce Harper’s minor league games.

 

Wake me when he hits his 100th big league home run (2013).

 

Here is a sad fact about Bryce Harper. If he has a career that mirrors Pat Burrell (.840 OPS, 300 HR, and 1,000 RBIs) he will largely be considered a failure.

 

Now if Bryce has half of Pat the Bat’s sex tales, he will be a winner in my eyes.

 

Beer Me:

 

I will be attending the Bay Area Craft Beer Festival tomorrow with KJ, C-Lew, and the Real Dante’ Hicks tomorrow afternoon.

 

It should be a delicious S-Show.

Here is a preview:

I hope to still be awake before first pitch on Saturday night.

4/6/11

 

$$$ Well Spent

 

I paid $210 for the MLB Extra Innings package from DirecTV.I came to the realization that I will spend a whole lot more dinero because of this purchase.

 

Since I paid for the service, I want to get as much use as possible.To me, that means, always having access to the service.

 

Gameplan:

 

1: Purchase Slingbox HD Pro:$ 299.00

2. Purchase ipad 2 (32GB):$ 729.00

______________________Total: $1,029.00

 

I do not want to estimate what I will spend on tickets, food, and booze at live games this year.I am sure the price will be north of what the gadgets cost.

 

I need to stay productive at work to support my MLB addiction.

 

New Year, New Fads!

 

One week into the 2011 MLB season and a couple of fads have caught on:

 

1. Appendectomies are cool!

 

Stomach hurt?Take out your appendix!

 

I was worried when Andy Torres had his appendix taken out last year.He came back and helped Los Gigantes win the World Series.

 

There must be an Appendectomy to World Series winner correlation.

 

Matt Holliday and Adam Dunn will put my hypothesis to the test.

 

(Dunn and the White Sox have a better chance to prove the hypothesis.)

 

 

2. The MLB2K11 advertisements must be grueling on the Oblique muscles.

 

Brian Wilson strained his oblique holding his early 1990s cell phone a little too tight during filming.

 

Evan Longoria swung too hard trying to impress the young intern on the set.His digital self did hit some monster bombs.

 

He impressed the young intern.

 

Roy Halladay may be the next to fall.

 

I think the 2K series may have a curse forming.In 2010, Nelson Cruz, Kendry(s) Moralas, and Andrew Bailey were all featured in the 2K commercials.

 

All missed significant time in 2010.

 

Good to see the Madden Curse has found an heir-apparent.

 

Hoot and Holler:

 

Give me a second to blow off some steam…

 

Another 3:35 PM start time for Los Gigantes and the Fathers?I hate Twilight start times.I hate the word Twilight.I hate the Movie series about the super-EMO, non-attractive, and whiney beezy.

 

I hate that I have used the word “hate” five times in the past four sentences.

 

4 of Los Gigantes first 6 games have had Twilight start times.

 

Yes, I hate that.If you do not know why I hate Twilight start times, please read yesterday’s (4/5) Daily Bs.

 

The good news?

 

Lincecum will shove and Los Gigantes will win.

 

If not, Buster may need an Appendectomy to jumpstart the season.

I hope it doesn’t come to that.

4/5/11

 

Los Gigantes and The Fathers have a 3:30 PM start time.

 

Padres’ management must love shadows.

 

What are shadows good for?

 

1. Viewing a Day Eclipse.

2. Allows the Groundhog make his only contribution to society.

 

3. Entertainment for kids at sleepovers (Animal hand shadows).

 

4. Good for funny sex scenes in movies (camping tents).

 

5. Baseball Pitching Staffs (Exclude Barry Zito from Sunday).

 

 

What are Shadows not good for?

 

1. Aubrey Huff in the outfield.

 

2. Offense in Baseball games.

 

3. Viewing a Baseball game on TV.

 

4.Announcers of Baseball Games.

 

5.BASEBALL.

 

The Padres are smart little devils.Who gets the ball for the Padres this afternoon?

That would be Aaron Haran, who sports a 4.72ERA and a WHIP of 1.45 over the past three years.

 

Little known fact: Shadows and Aaron Harang are BFFs.

 

The Padres have successfully closed the gap of talent between themselves and Los Gigantes with a natural resource: Shadows.

 

If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying.

_____________________________________________________________________

4/4/11

Top Quotes of the weekend from Dodger fans and our reactions.

 

1. Many Dodgers Fans: “The Giants Suck!”

 

2010, 2010, and 2010.

 

2. One confused baseball fan “The Orioles Suck!”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

3. Dodgers fan who may have a few cameos on Gangland: “I want to kill some Giants fans.”

…All quiet on The Three Bs front.KJ did not even have to prompt me on that one.

 

 

4. A Woman who tried to block entry to our section: “Give me your Snuggie.”

 

I hate the Dodgers but love capitalism.It will be on ebay.

 

5. A Dodgers fan after I told him his World Series Trophy is old enough to buy him an alcoholic beverage: “Is that the last time we won?”

 

Yeah, that would be 1988.

6. Douche-bag Dodgers fan behind us when KJ and Ipartook in deuces (2 balls, 2 strikes, and 2 outs) in the 8th inning of Sunday’s contest: “Is that a cocaine reference?

Yes, it is a cocaine reference.

 

7. Same Douche bag as #6 when he made fun of Japan and even I thought it was off-colored: “That’s what we do in L.A. we make fun of everything.”

 

Because of Douche bag?

 

8. Dodger fan and fellow amateur writer Andrei Ojeda: “Which one of you is the blogger?”

 

I was kind of shocked to be somewhat recognized.Good stuff.

 

9.Same Douche Bag as 6 and 7: “You blog, oh goodness.”

 

SLY:“Hey, If Jonathon Broxton was a fruit, what would he be?”

 

So-Cal DB: “I dunno bro, what?”

SLY: “A Pear.”

 

So-Cal DB: “Whaaa?”

 

SLY: “Because they look the same.”

 

So-Cal DB: “Aww man, you’re kind of funny.”

 

Thank you for fitting into your XS shirt.

10: Dodger-Talk Radio Host after the game: “I don’t get the last reference.”

 

I called in to Dodger-Talk on 790AM on the way out of Dodger Stadium and gave them three things Jonathon Broxton can do to ensure a successful season.

 

1: Grow a beard, dye it black.

 

2: P90X.

 

3. Go on George Lopez.

Peace out Los Angeles.

______________________________________________________________________________

4/1/11

Ten thoughts on Opening Day:

1.The 2011 version of the Brewers are Harvey’s Wall Bangers 2.0.Too bad the Brewers have to use the bullpen.

 

2.There is magic in Dusty’s wristbands and toothpicks.

 

3. John Sterling is as annoying as ever.“Teixeria sends a Tex message to right field. Yes, You’re right on the mark, Teixeria.”

 

 

4.The Cardinals will be able to afford Albert Pujols if he stays on pace to hit into 486 double plays.

 

5. Jayson Heyward is the next Kaz Matsui.

 

6. Bud Black owns a magic wand.

 

7. Maybe I can predict the future.Clayton Kershaw, wow.

 

8. I may not return alive from Los Angeles this weekend. A few knuckleheads don’t get it.Enjoy the game more, brothers.

 

9. Re-read BoooOOoo-Rrrriiiiibbbbbbbbeeee. He is officially fair game.

 

10.I love Baseball.

 

3/31/11

A start of a new season brings a start of a new feature to The Three Bs.The Daily Bs will be short, sweet, and updated daily.Enjoy!

My thoughts on Barry Zito’s car accident:

 

Please Jesus, let Barry Zito make his scheduled start on Sunday.I wouldn’t want the season debut of “The Barry Zito Drinking Game” to be delayed.

 

Opening Day is my Christmas.I am sure many people around the country feel the same.I will not be productive at work as I constantly check box scores, twitter updates, and follow each of my fantasy player’s at bats.

Welcome back Baseball, How I have missed you.

 

Play Ball!

Hello Postseason, May I come in?

Knock. Knock.

 

Who’s there?

 

The Postseason.

 

Who, what, come again?

 

The Postseason, I understand we haven’t seen each other in quite some time.

 

It’s been 7 years.  I didn’t think I would ever see you again.  Champagne to celebrate?

 

 

2003 was the last time los Gigantes made a postseason appearance. 

 

Flashback to 2003:

 

I was a 20 year old college baseball player, unable to legally purchase alcohol, gamble, or rent a car. 

 

2003 was also the year I got kicked out of Pac Bell Park when I interfered and “ruined baseball.” 

 

Skip (Head Baseball Coach at Napa Valley College) gave RT and I his front row bleacher seats over the Yahoo! sign.  The game was 8-1 (Marlins lead) in the bottom of the 7th.  Jeffery Hammonds (who was playing for Barry Lamar) hit a ball deep to left-center field.  The ball was coming straight for us.  It became apparent the ball was going to be a little short (Guess he was the only Gigante not taking advantage of BALCO).  I reached over the fence, and stretched, and then stretched some more.  My torso was completely over the fence with my arm outstretched as far as possible.  The ball hit the edge of the webbing of my PRO-ALMC model SSK and fell down to the warning track.


balco.jpg


If Jeffery looked like this, I would have caught the ball and not been humiliated.  


I lifted my torso back up, and was immediately booed by 40,000 Gigantes fans.  The intoxicated bleacher bum in the row behind us began pounding his fist into my back and screamed:

 

IBB: “You ruined baseball!  You ruined baseball!!”

 

SLY: “It’s an 8-1 game, it was going to be a double anyways!”

 

IBB: “You ruined baseball!  You ruined baseball!”

 

An Usher quickly came to escort me (RT came too) out of the ballpark for “ruining baseball”.  As I was being escorted out, 40,000 people began to cheer. 

 

I was being cheered, to leave.  Humiliating. 

 

As I took one look back to the field where I was being banished from, the young leftfielder of the Marlins, Miguel Cabrera gave me an appreciative thumbs up. 

 

You’re welcome Miguel.

 

The worst part wasn’t over.

 

My phone started to ring, and ring, and ring some more.

 

Dad: “What the hell were you doing?  Kruk circled, and then eliminated you.”


w-krukow + kuiper.jpg

 

I had this same call throughout the rest of the day.

 

I was on SportsCenter for the 2nd time (I have now been on 3 times, the third time was almost as embarrassing, another day another blog).

 

The cherry on top- The next day (Monday) I went to the cafeteria to get some lunch before baseball practice.  As I was purchasing my meal the lunch lady looked at me and said:

 

“If you are going to go over the fence, catch it, MEAT.”

 

I have not brought my glove to a professional ballgame since.

 

To end the 2003 flashback, the Marlins beat los Gigantes in the NLDS and went on to win the World Series.

 

The Marlins have been in the postseason twice (both Wild Cards) in their 17 year existence, have beaten los Gigantes in the NLDS both times, and went on to win the World Series both times.

 

Symmetry is disgusting.

 

Flash forward back to 2010.  Los Gigantes are one Dub-Ya away from poppin’ some bubbly. 

 

Asta La Bye-Bye Fathers.

 

Mad-Bum fought though his start for his first W at Pac-Bell/SBC/AT&T Park on Thursday. 

 

Los Gigantes again scored all of their runs off Jimmy Jacks.  It is as exciting as it is flawed.

 

…I really want to get back to Wednesday.

 

Los Gigantes and I had great days.

 

I was unable to watch the game, as KJ, RT, LJ, and I had tickets to watch the Black Keys perform at the Fox Theater.


Pat the Bat hit the 3-run Jimmy Jack during the opening act (The Black Seeds, solid act).  After the first 2 innings Timmy was in full control, we felt like the game was over.  It was. 

 

3-1 Gigantes. 

 

The Black Keys came to the stage.

 

Holy Smokes (Too bad Timmy couldn’t join in the fun).  

Timmy Smoke.jpg



I got ear EFFF’d by the Black Keys and loved every second of it.

 

As I enjoyed the love being made to my ears, I was able to draw one comparison between The Black Keys and los Gigantes.

 

Both played as a team with unparalleled confidence.

 

Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney are a team, a great team, and they get each other.  They diverge and extend their tracks when they see fit.  As a spectator, you can see them (Dan to Patrick) making eye contact, an unspoken sign that signifies where they will go next.

 

Los Gigantes are playing their best and most confident baseball of the year.  The 2010 version of los Gigantes has to be one of the best chemistry teams in San Francisco history.

 

KJ, RT, LJ, and I all left the Fox Theater in a state of nirvana. 

 

We were really hungry for some reason.

 

animal in n out.jpg

In N Out to the rescue.

 

 

POSTSEASON ROSTER DEBATE

 

As KJ and I were sitting on the couch during Thursday’s game, we started talking about the postseason roster and who would fill it out.

 

I asked him and RT to e-mail me their 25 man rosters.  I wanted to see how our rosters stacked up to Boch’s.

 

KJ and RT’s Roster were identical.  I truly think this is the 25 man roster Bochy will run with.  RT also added that he would add Chris Ray and sub Renteria in the 2nd round.  If los Gigantes are fortunate enough get to the 2nd round, where I expect them to face the Fight’n Phils, I would like to see another lefty in the pen.

 

Pitchers

 

Lincecum

Cain

Sanchez

Bumgarner

Zito

Wilson

Romo

Lopez

Ramirez

Casilla

Affeldt

 

INF

 

Posey

Huff

Sanchez

Sandoval

Uribe

Fontenot

Renteria

Ishikawa

Whiteside

 

OF

Guillen

Torres

Burrell

Ross

Schierholtz

 

I want to know one item before I make my final decision.  Does Bochy plan on starting Zito in a playoff series?

 

If Bochy plans on starting Zito, than this is the roster I would run with.

 

If Bochy does not plan on starting Zito, there is no use for him on this roster.  He cannot come out of the bullpen.  It takes him 50-75 throws to get loose.  I am sure most would agree that Zito is the weak link of our starters. 

 

If Zito is not used at as a starter, I would add Dan Runzler to the 25 man roster.  Lefty Power arms are scarce; los Gigantes already have one with Jeremy Affeldt, two would be deadly late in games (Phillies anyone?).

 

By the way, it looks like Jeremy joined the “Just for Men” beard team as well.

 

It would also be humorous to have $30 million dollars left off the postseason roster (Zito and Rowand).

 

Bochy will probably name Zito the 2 or 3 starter, citing his experience and MadBum will take the roster spot where I would place Runzler.

 

We will find out by Tuesday.

 

The postseason door is open, los Gigantes just have to walk through.

 

I can almost taste the cheap champagne and beer.

 

 

 

Birth of a Season

I took my own advice and hibernated through the rest of the winter.  I am certain it was the right call.

I slept through Fanfest.  There was a motocross event at AT&T Park the week before.  I could and would not allow myself to see the playing field soiled with dirt mounds. 

Motorcross at AT&T.  Ewwwwwwwww.jpg

It would have caused great psychological harm.  I would have had nightmares of Pablo searching for a ball hit into one of the dirt mounds allowing multiple runs to score along with Timmy’s ERA rising high enough to knock on the door of the Father of Jesus. 

You think I am joking.

I do not need another reason to see a therapist. 

I did wake up in time for the birth of my Sister’s (Tawni) first child.  Welcome to the world Landen Sawyer Tilden.  You are now forced into being a Gigantes fan.  Enjoy it, embrace it, and hopefully we will win a World Series in your lifetime.

I gave the kid a good look through.  Ten fingers and toes, actually the kid has exceptionally long fingers which naturally prompted me to think the kid is going to have a filthy change piece.

Change Piece.jpg

Congratulations Jason and Tawni. 

Please teach him to throw lefthanded.

 

Spring Training is here

Thank…You…God.

I got to hear a little Flem and the Famer Wednesday afternoon.  What a wonderful gift we all have in the Bay Area.  We are spoiled.  Everything in the world now seems right.

I love spring training (If you don’t love spring training, then I hate you and we can never be friends).  I can watch the games without giving a hoot if los Gigantes win or lose.  I have a month of stress-free games to look forward to.

Spring training is time for:

1.  Get back into game shape (Pablo!!!!!).

2.  Implement new things into in a game situation (#55 is trying to re-involve his deuce into his arsenal).

3. Young players get evaluated in game situations with other major leaguers.

4.  Position battles.

5. Settling scores from the past year.

 

Barry Zito made sure #5 happened today. 

In response to “The bomb exploding/bowling ball/team celebration exercise” A well deserved and placed pitch was delivered by Singer/Songwriter Barry Zito to the back of Prince Fielder. 

I do not care that S/S Barry Zito had the third slowest average fastball in the big leagues in 2009 at 86.7 MPH or that Prince Fielder probably has enough back fat to absorb a Smart Car at 45 MPH.

fat prince fielder.jpg

I liked the old school message, although it would have been better delivered from Brian Wilson.

I called KJ to tell him the good news.

SLY:  Zito drilled (drilled sounds like it would leave a bruise) Prince.

KJ:  Boooyeaah.  Zito seems to have that attitude this spring.

SLY:  I hope that attitude gets some extra wins.

This is my third favorite Barry Zito moment as a member of Los Gigantes.

1.  Hearing Zito sing.

Like I slept with your mother

Don’t judge me

Cause I could be your brother

And we could be a family

2.  My invention of the Barry Zito Drinking Game.

3. Zito drilling Prince in his back fat.

Does it suck that none of my favorite Zito moments have happened in a game that has meant anything in the standings yet?

dreamy zito.jpg

If looks could kill 

If GMs were contestants on Survivor, Sabean would be one of the first voted off.

Tim Marchman of si.com ranked all 30 GMs in baseball.  It was an interesting article.  Yeah, Sabes was ranked 28th of 30.  Ned Colletti was 27th.  I am glad Sabes taught Colletti so well.

Here’s the blurb of Sabean:

Sabean’s skeptics were driven insane for years as no matter how many terrible, decrepit players he signed to absurd contracts, he always had Barry Bonds to make everything right. Once Bonds retired, the Giants immediately fell apart, and the skeptics gloated. Now they’re a decent team again because they’ve developed a pair of aces in Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain. It doesn’t matter; the skeptics are still right.

Here’s the link:  http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/tim_marchman/03/03/gm.rankings/index.html

 

ORANGE FRIDAY TO THE NEXT LEVEL

Los Gigantes unveiled new alternate uniforms for Orange Friday this year.  The jersey’s are… very Orange. 

Alternate pablo jersey.jpg


I am deathly afraid of a cross promotional night involving anything with Cinderella.  The Fairy Godmother will attempt to turn Pablo into a carriage to bring Cinderella to the ball.  Yes, Pablo is going to look like a friggen Pumpkin.

baseball_pumpkin.jpg

The alternate hats are awesome.  They are an updated version of the 1982 hat.  I will purchase one and proudly wear it all year.

 

My Spring Training trip is all booked.  I’ll be there in three weeks.

I cannot wait for all the alcohol and baseball. 

drunkbaseballbar.jpg


I am glad hibernation is over.

 

Gigantes, Tequila, and Bears… OH MY!

I envy Bears.

Bears have no idea what it is like to live without baseball. 

Actually, I think Bears have it all figured out.

I can say for certain, The G.O.B (Government of Bears) came together and decided to do the whole hibernation thing because of the pain that November through February causes. 

 


HibernatingBear.jpg

No Baseball equals incredible amounts of pain and boredom.  Sleeping through those horrible months is such an amazing idea, I think I may try it this year.

I would have to put on a good amount of weight in preparation for the hibernation.  I don’t know if I am ready to add the necessary weight, as I would still like females to find me attractive.


fat_man_large.jpg 

 I have added up all the pros and cons for myself hibernating.

The result:

I want tooooooooooooo freaking hibernate.  I won’t mind being obese for the month before my hibernation.  All I will do during the month before hibernation will be eating and watching postseason baseball. 

 


fatdrunkie.jpg

I won’t even have time for females, so I could care less if they find me unattractive.  Plus, when I wake up, everyone will comment on my weight loss and how great I look.

Damn, this is a good idea.  I will sleep through baseballessness and wake up more attractive to the opposite sex.

I might be able to sell this idea during an infomercial.   Damn, I wish Billy Mays was still alive.  I know he could sell this idea.

 


billy mays two thumbs up.jpg

“Hi, Billy Mays here for….HybernationSensation.”

“HibernationSensation is the perfect plan for the boredom months.  You will never have to live without baseball and as an added bonus, you wake up in time to get your March Madness brackets in order. ”

Good for you, Bears.

It has been Ten days since the last Gigantes game.  I am already having withdrawals.  In the last ten days I have given a lot of thought to the season.

I want to break down the player’s seasons in a way that I can relate to.

If the players were Tequila’s, what kind of tequila would they be?

Yes, I am making Player/Tequila comparisons.


tequila_poster.jpg 

Patron (Silver):  Over rated, overpriced, but has a great marketing campaign.  It needs to be chilled to be somewhat enjoyable.

1. Aaron Rowand:

Rowand is a gamer, and I loved his commercials this year, but EWWW. He got paid $9.6 Million to put up a line of .261/15/64 with an OPS of .738. 

2.  Barry Zito:

2009 was his best year as a Gigante.  He went 10-13 with a 4.03 ERA and a whip of 1.35.  I would love these numbers from a number 3 or 4 starter.  Oh boy, I don’t want to mention his contract. It is not his fault Los Gigantes paid him buckets and buckets of Gold.  Damn you Scott Boras and your Player Profile Packets with projected HOF stats and projected player revenue streams.  Damn you (Scott) are good.  I wish I could be like you.

3.  Randy Winn:

No comment.  I don’t want to throw up the delicious dinner I ate an hour ago.

4.  Edgar Renteria:

 Edgar, Thank you for giving me the “I think something good happened” moment.  That was by far, my favorite moment of the year.  I will never forget the pure joy I experienced in the car with KJ on the way home from San Diego.  Unfortunately, that moment was your only moment. 

Don Julio (Silver): moderately priced, smooth, and available at most locations.  Best served chilled.

1. Matt Cain:

Matt went 14-8 with a 2.88 ERA.  Matt tailed off the last two months but the season as a whole was great.  I expect nothing less next year.

2.  Brian Wilson:

Brian followed up an All-Star year with a superior year in 2009.  His “Life of Brian” TV show was also a house favorite of KJ and mine.

3.  Bengie Molina:

Bengie was miscast as a cleanup hitter.  This was not his fault.  He still produced 20 bombs and 80 RBI.  This would be great production if it was from a 6 or 7 hitter, which is where Big Money should be sitting in any adequate lineup.  I wouldn’t mind him back for one more year while Buster (Posey) seasons.

Partida (Silver): You’ve heard about it, and it is as good as advertised.  It is worth it at almost any price.

1. Tim Lincecum:

The Freak backed up his Cy Young season with arguably a better all around season.  LincccceeeeCUM…LinnnncceeeeeCCCUUUUMMM!

2. Pablo Sandoval:

Kung Fu Panda sported a .330/25/90 with .943 OPS.  Booo yea son.  Pandas can flat rake.  I love that Pablo is short, fat, swings at everything, and squares everything up.  God, I love Pablo Sandoval. He is my favorite position player in MLB.

3. Jeremy Affeldt:

Affeldt was easily the best signing of the off season.  He posted a 1.73 ERA while getting the ball to Wilson in the 9th.  He had a 3 month stretch where he was not human.  He was the anchor of the bullpen.

El Tesoro de Don Felipe (Anejo): Someone has to tell you about it and once they do you are an instant fan.

1. Andres Torres:

In spring training I watched Torres and thought he could be the future in CF.  We looked him up on our phone and found out he was a 31 year old journeyman.  All he did was post a .876 OPS and started meaningful games in September over Aaron Rowand.  I loved his energy and enthusiasm all year.  He has a chance to get a lot more meaningful at bats in 2010.

2.  Juan Uribe:

By far, Uribe was my biggest surprise of the year.  Uribe was the most dangerous hitter on Los Gigantes in September.  I hope he is retained next year.  Thank you for the OOOOOOOOOUUU-REEBAAAAY chant this year.  I felt like I was seven years old every time I heard and participated in it.

3.  Dan Runzler:

I think I have a man crush on him, nuff said.

4. Randy Johnson:

Anybody who tears their rotator cuff and comes back when he has nothing to prove is good in my book.  Randy looked funny in the Orange and Black but it was cool to say, “We got Tim Lincecum, Randy Johnson, and Matt Cain going in this series”.

Jose Cuervo Gold: The name brings flashbacks of chugging tequila from the bottle and then being THE King of the Porcelain Throne for the night.

1. Fred Lewis:

I don’t want to say what I think about F.Lew.  I’ll let him.  This is from the horse’s mouth.

“When I was young, I wanted to be a legendary ballplayer.  Look at me now.”

Yes, legend, in your own mind.  Please go away.

2.  Bob Howry:

His overall numbers were actually quite good.  But it seems like his ERA was 65.82 and he gave up 983 Home runs this year.  I am sorry, I am being a fanatical.

3. Travis Ishikawa:

He was handed the keys to the First base job, and handed them back.  He was the ultimate Jekyll and Hyde with the bat at home and on the road.

Home .349/7/28 with a .935 OPS

Road .162/2/11 with a .471 OPS.

What was the deal?

ISA (Silver):   There is hype, we will have to wait to see how good it is until the finished product comes out.

1. Madison Bumgarner:

I stated my expectations for Madison in an earlier entry.  Go back and read it.

2. Buster Posey:

Expectations: The batting average of Ty Cobb, the power of Barry Lamar (enhanced version 2.5), and the good will of Jesus.  Yep, that sounds about right. 

 

 

Wow, I am thirsty.

Anyone want a drink?

…..and I am serious about the Hibernation idea.

This is perfect.


donotdisturb.jpg

 

A Gigante Scare and Impossible Expectations.

Lincecum scratched.

Lincecum-scratched.  I do not want to hear or believe those two words could be strung together.

I think I can speak for all Gigantes fans when I say that I think I had a heart attack, a stoke, or any other horrible bodily function which could lead to death.

 

heart-attack-picture.gif

He’s our hero.  He’s “The Freak”.  He cannot be injured.

Quite honestly I thought Lincecum might have been a robot Bud Selig created.  It would have been Bud’s second (and only second) good idea after implementing the wild card. 

My thought process was this…Bud knew fans were having a hard time identifying with the Incredible Hulk like sluggers such as our beloved Barry Lamar.  Bud invented Tim Lincecum (known as Project55) so fans could reconnect with a super human player of average stature.  Bud was sure to have Timmy make his debut during Barry Lamar’s final season in 2007. 

Perfect planning Bud!

My Dad alerted me Lincecum was scratched. 

I half joking replied with I hope Madison Bumgarner takes his spot.

My Dad informed me Bumgarner was starting.

Holy fing shizzz…. Whhhaat?

An early Christmas gift in September?

 

funny-santa-cartoon-graphic2.jpg

Thank you Santa. 

Bumgarner’s hype has been other worldly. 

Here are my expectations for Madison Bumgarner’s career:

 He will be a combination of Cy Young (511 wins), Randy Johnson (4,869 ks), and Jesus (Son of God).  He will also sport Bob Gibson’s 1968 ERA (1.12) for his career.

 

mb.jpg

Madison Bumgarner will become the greatest pitcher and man of all time.

buddychrist.jpg 

Those expectations seem reasonable.

I wrote a little poem for Mr. Bumgarner.

Mad-i-son…Mad-i-son…

You can turn water into Wine

You can keep teams hitless through Nine

You can find the cure to the Swine

Please bring a championship before the end of my Time

Mad-i-son….

 

How’d he do?

He did not keep the Padres hitless.  He did not turn water into wine or find the cure for the Swine flu. 

He did have a successful debut.

5.1in, 5h, 2er, 1bb, and 4ks.

He left with Los Gigantes up 3-2.

He didn’t live up to my expectations.  I can’t belive he didn’t throw a no-no with 16ks.  Jeeze…get rid of the bum!

In all seriousness.  Nice first outing kid.

There were reports he was not throwing in the mid 90s coming in.  Those reports were correct.  He was around 87-91mph for most of the game.  This may be the result of a young kid getting tired at the end of season.  He did show good poise and control. His cross-over step and low 3/4 release appear to be a hard pickup for hitters. 

If this pitching thing doesn’t work out Bumgarner can always pull a Rick Ankiel.  The kid looks like he can swing it.

I don’t want to talk about the outcome of the game.  I am 10 minutes away from Tylenol Pm’n myself to sleep.  

Losses like this keep me awake.

 

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I am not productive at work without adequate sleep.

 

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I have one final topic to hit on.

The new batting helmets.

 

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David Wright and Edgar Gonzalez both went on the DL after taking pitches to their beans.  In their first at bats off the DL they were sporting some new head wear. Wright only used it for a few ABs while Gonzalez continues to don the new helmet.  Gonzalez does switch it (the new helmet) out for the old helmet while on the bases. 

 

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Wowzers.

I’ve seen that helmet before.  Where was that from…..ohhh, got it!

 

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I understand these helmets will protect the melons better than the current models but they look too cartoonish.  

My friend (RT) and I came up with some other uses for the new melon protectors.

Solider (combat) helmets.  I am fairly certain they could take a direct hit from a missile.

Motorcycle helmet. Hey, it looks cool! 

Race car driver helmet. 

Special needs person helmet. I am serious- I am not an A-hole. 

Life Size Bobble head models.  Put it on anyone and have them just bob their head … Perfect.

My friends and I play in an Adult Baseball League.  I joked that I would buy the new helmets for our team (if they didn’t cost $90 each!).

RT said he’d sport one.  As long as it was ONLY in a Scandia batting cage.  RT and I know how wild the Scandia pitching machines can be. 

F U SCANDIA “High Heat” pitching machine in March of 2000.

I am sure only RT will understand that.

 

I am off to pass out in a Tylenol PM coma.

 

Barry Zito Day Drinking Game Tomorrow.  

GAMMMMEEEE ONNNN!  

 

 

Alphabet Soup

 

abc_blocks.jpgLittle Larry attended his first day of kindergarten on Monday. 

The delightful Ms. Ffense tested all the children on the alphabet.

Little Larry was ready, he practiced with his Father all summer.

It was time.

Larry sang the alphabet song.

“A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs, everybody sing with me!”

 

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“Great try Larry. You only missed one letter.” said Ms. Ffense

“Did not! Daddy says there are only 25 letters in the alphabet.” replied Larry

“Why would he tell you that?” ask Ms. Ffense

 

“Daddy says Los Gigantes wanted to honor Barry Lamar Bonds when he left the team by retiring his number.  Daddy says Barry Lamar had different plans and took the O from Los Gigantes when he left.  Daddy says Barry Lamar was selfish and knew if he took the O from Los Gigantes there would only be 25 letters in the alphabet. 25 was Barry’s number.” said Larry

 

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You stole the O Barry! 

“Oh… I see.  Ask your Father if he can teach you the alphabet the rest of the class has learned.” a slightly shocked Ms. Ffense responded 

Larry went home confused.

Larry sat on his Father’s lap during the final game of Los Gigantes/Mets series.  In the 6th inning after the Nate Schierholtz bases loaded double to extend Los Gigantes lead to 6-1, Larry’s father yelled “The O is back, the O is back.”

Larry went to his room and practiced his ABCs.

The next morning in class Ms. Ffense asked Larry to recite the alphabet once again.

Larry began, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs everybody sing with me!”

“Very Good, Larry.” said Ms. Ffense

“Thank you, but Daddy says the O might only last for a day or two.”  replied Larry

 

 

It was nice to see the offense come alive with 10 runs and 18 hits, even if it was against Livan Hernandez.  Every team has lit him up the past two months, his ERA is around 8 during that span. 

 

The Barry Zito Drinking Game kicked my A*ss* on Friday.  The first two batters of the game resulted in two full beers. Gosh darn you, Barry Zito! 

 

That was the beginning of a looooooooong night. 

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My night did not end this bad, but close.

On to Cincinnati for some revenge. 

Lincecum is on the bump.  He deserves a win. 

 

Please Jesus, let the O last through the Colorado series.

 

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