Here are March and April’s Daily Bs from http://The-Three-Bs.com
Breaking News: Sharks love the taste of Wings.
The Sharks and Red Wings are set to square off in the Western Conference Semi-Finals tonight inSan Jose.I will be in attendance.I plan on being loud, obnoxious, and somewhat inebriated.
I do not change who I am for the playoffs.
Playoff Hockey can only be truly appreciated live.It has everything I love about sports: excitement, emotion, and drama.
I plan on catching most of Lincecum’s start against the Nationals at the Brit before the puck drops.
I have made it a point to watch a few Nationals games since F.P. Santangelo took the color analysis job with the team.
Goodness, I feel for the guy.How does F.P. deal with Bob Carpenter on a daily basis without becoming a raging alcoholic?
Most baseball fans are familiar with Bob Carpenter as he has done MLB game for ESPN for years.I have always enjoyed his voice and pace on the ESPN broadcasts.
My enjoyment of Carp diminishes with each Nationals game I watch.Maybe F.P. and Carp haven’t had enough time to build chemistry with each other.One thing is for sure, there is no natural chemistry between the two.
Here are a couple of quick exchanges from Carp and F.P.:
Man on 1st base with 1 out (pitcher not up).
Carp: “Should he bunt (Sacrifice) here?”
For non-stitch heads: No normal thinking baseball brain would sacrifice bunt with one out and a man on first (unless the pitcher was at bat).
A pitch thrown an eyelash off the plate called a ball.
F.P. “Wayyyy outside.”
Carp: “No way, that was really close.”
(This instance happens about once a game)
Poor Carp doesn’t get F.P.’s sarcasm, which is half of his shtick.
Here is my conclusion on Bob Carpenter: Carp has a great voice but rarely says anything of substance.He is the announcer version of a gorgeous dumb chic.Eventually you will see through the beauty and only notice the flaws.
The NFL Draft:
Patrick Conner (@pcon34) player bios on KNBR were the sole reason I enjoyed Thursday’s first round. They were informative and full of sexual innuendo.Right up my alley.P-Con would fit in nicely with the Three Bs crew.
I owe him a few drinks for the laughs.
Good bye Michael Scott:
LJ and I popped a bottle ofChampagnefor Michael Scott’s last appearance on the office.It was a sad television moment. A tear or two may or may not have been shed on the couch.
Michael Scott’s final line on the office was perfect.
Michael Scott: “I can’t wait to get this off my chest. (Microphone taken off and then no sound but Michael’s lips mouthed) That’s what she said.”
Television will miss you.
The early morning start time made following the game rather difficult today.I had to (Gasp!) fulfill my job responsibilities.I caught about an innings worth of action on television while I followed the rest of the game on ESPN’s GameCast.I have yet to buy my ipad and Slingbox.I need these two items for my future sanity.
Congratulations to Ryan Vogelsong who earned his first major league win since 2005.His stat line of 5.2 IN, 2 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, and 8 Ks would have been The Spiritual Southpaw’s best performance of the year.
Vogelsong must be on cloud nine.
If Vogelsong doesn’t know how to get to cloud nine, I am sure tomorrow’s starter can help him find his way.
Los Gigantes went 2-24 with RISP for the three game series.That is not a recipe for winning a series.I will take it, los Gigantes haven’t fared too well in theSteelCityover the past few years.
A Three Bs observation:
I have talked to KJ and RT about the lineup the past few days.We all feel it is about time to switch Aubrey Huff and Pablo Sandoval in the batting order.I wouldn’t be surprised if the switch happens sooner than later.Pablo looks like an improved more polished 2009 version of himself.He is averaging a career high 3.75 pitches per plate appearance and swinging at a career low 52% of pitches thrown his way.
Plate discipline on and off the field has helped the Kung Fu Panda.
Goodbye to Michael Scott:
Tonight will be Michael Scott’s last scheduled (I guarantee he will be on the series finale) appearance on “The Office”.The show has not been as good the last few seasons, but last week’s “Dundies” episode reminded everyone how great the show used to be, as it was the best episode from the past 3 seasons.
I salute you Michael Scott.I wore a women’s suit at work today in your honor.
Los Gigantes got swept by the Braves and I still managed to have a great weekend.Is this the first sign of maturity?
I hope not.
The Top 3 items from the weekend:
1. RT got engaged.
My longtime best friend asked his girl to marry him.He was on a beach in Hawaii, had a huge rock, and there might have been alcohol involved.How could she say no?
Congratulations to RT and Ashley.
Love you guys.
I was informed that I will be the best man and will need to tackle the challenge of throwing the bachelor party.
It is a great honor, I will do my best to re-create “The Hangover”, but I will add baseball references into the dialog.
2. My Pops found a new job.
My Pops has been out of a job for the last 6 months.He found an employer that recognizes and appreciates what he can bring to the company.I have no doubts he will kick ass.
3. I had my first Television interview.
It was local, the lights were bright, and I was nervous.I was a little stiff.I should have had a drink or three.I was interviewed about the online gambling sites that were shut down and how it has affected brick and mortar Casinos. I have a good amount of knowledge on the subject but I am not sure how well it translated into the clip they played.I did feel good that most of the information I gave to the reporter was used in the story.
I did look damn good.It was Orange Friday.I always wear the Orange Tie on Orange Friday.
This was my first TV appearance since RT and I were kicked out of Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park.I am definitely telling that story along with The $200 French Fries stories at RT and Ashley’s wedding.
I attended Los Gigantes and Braves game with my Pops on Easter Sunday.It was a beautiful day at the yard.I met Pops at 21st Amendment to have a holy beer. I got a Double Daddy (Speakeasy Brewery was a guest brew) since it was 9.5% and we were in a rush.
Do not pound 9.5% beers. Do not pound 9.5% beers.Do not pound 9.5% beers.
Pops and I received what appeared to be the last 2 replica World Series trophies at the gate.People were lined up at 8:30am to get the giveaway.They are currently selling for $50+ on ebay.People are sick.
I may use Gorilla Glue to glue the base of the trophy on the hood of my car where the BMW logo is.It may add value to my 230k mile car.
I did do something at the game I cannot remember doing since I have been able to drive.
I left as the game was headed to the 10th inning. The choice was not mine.I had to cover a shift for an employee at work.
I know, Sacrilege on Easter Sunday.
I ended up 45 minutes late to work.Maybe it was good I didn’t have to see the Miguel Tejada Statue not move for the Nate Mclouth 46-hopper into center field.
Miggy looks older than the 48 years of age he is listed in the media guide.
Los Gigantes are in Pittsburgh to face a family friend in Clint Hurdle.
Clint is one of my favorite people in baseball.I wish him all the success in the steel city, but I hope Los Gigantes put a hurting on the BucOs.I am looking forward to Ryan Vogelsong’s start on Thursday. He is facing the team he was traded to in 2001 from the team he was traded from.Is there such thing as double motivation? That was one of San Francisco’s two trade rapes of the Pirates in the last decade.
2001: Pittsburg received Armando Rios and Ryan Vogelsong while San Francisco netted Jason Schmidt and John Vanderwall.
2009: Pittsburg received Tim Alderson while San Francisco received Freddy Sanchez.
In both cases, Los Gigantes came up short reaching the playoffs in the year they made the trade but ended up in the World Series the next year.
What’s the Moral of the Story?Make a trade with Pittsburg!
I wrote Trade Rape and laughed, maturity be damned.
Yesterday I placed the failed Lincecum no-hit bid squarely on the broad shoulders of Kenneth Jones.He handled the weight well and used his powerful JuJu to help Bay Area sports last night.
KJ used his JuJu on Ubaldo in the first inning, capped by another monstrous potato from Pablo Sandoval.Neil Everett of ESPN had one of the better lines I have heard on SportsCenter in a while: “The Panda lost 40 punds but still feasts on sliders.”
Give Pablo the MVP award if he continues his pace .328/.400/.603 with 48 HRs and 148 RBI.
…and Pablo just strained his right triceps.That never would have happened last year.Good to know he has muscles to strain now.
KJ’s JuJu was also placed on the Los Angeles Kings at the 19:12 mark in the 2nd period.As all Sharks fans know (and most sports fans inAmerica know by now) the Kings held a 4-0 lead, the game seemed all but over.
KJ turned to the A’s game (Andersondominated). I was disgusted.I flipped over to the A’s game and caught a little bit of the other late MLB games on the Extra Innings package (Best $$$ I have ever spent.The GF will probably hate me by July).I flipped back to the Sharks game, not because I felt they could come back. I truly thought the game and maybe the season was being flushed down the toilet.I turned back because my friend Nick alerted me he was playing “Shots for Goals.”The name says it all.I was now rooting for goals of any kind, especially once he told me that he was asked to come into work early the next morning.
3:08 into the 2nd period, Patty lights the lamp, 4-1 Kings.
6:53 into the 2nd period, Clowe puts the biscuit in the basket, 4-2 Kings
SLY: “Got a new game here.”
KJ: “Wake me when they get within a goal.”
13:32 into the 2nd period, Couture puts one in the old onion bag (resorting to soccer scoring references), 4-3 Kings.
SLY: “Ummm 4-3.”
13:47 into the 2nd period, Evil Ryan Smyth puts one in for the Kings, 5-3.
SLY: “Ummm 5-3, efffing Ryan Smyth.”
18:35 into the 2nd period, Clowe scores his second goal of the period, 5-4 Kings.
KJ did not return any of these messages.He was concentrating his entire JuJu on the Kings.
19:29 into the 2nd period, The Big Pavelski tied up the game.
(How many big time goals does this guy deliver?)
What a freaking period, 7 goals and 7 shots for Nick.He is a huge Sharks fan, I am sure the 5 shots from the Sharks went down like velvet.
Los Gigantes were playing in Coors Field, the way the goals were being put on the board; I had to wonder if this game was being played there as well.The non-humidor pucks must have been put into play.
The Kings brought out the pucks stashed in the humidor for the 3rd period.
The pucks from the humidor worked as there was no offense.
Overtime Playoff Hockey; try to convince me there is any sport with more drama.
3:09 into OT, Setoguchi scores one of the biggest goals in Sharks history.
I loved Setoguchi’s celebration; it was very Jonathon Cheechoo like.
One of my pet peeves (Not having Heinz ketchup at a restaurant is one.) is when announcers or writers proclaim an event or occurrence is unbelievable.It is one of the most over used phrases in sports.
I will never patronize your establishment if you serve this.
This was one time where I was not upset that Randy Hahn dropped an UNBELIEVABLE!!!
It truly was.
I imagine the 11th and final shot of the night for Nick went down easier than the first 10.
A very Happy 23rd Birthday to Brandon Belt, whose birthday gift from Los Gigantes was a free plane ticket back to Fresno.
Someone remind the kid about a guy named Matt Williams.
The Juju That Ruined The No-Hit Bid
Tim Lincecum’s no hit bid ended in the 7th inning on a 3-1 fastball that Carlos Gonzalez smacked into right field.Who was the happiest the no-hit bid failed?
A gigante Gigantes fan.
I am talking about Kenneth Jones, or as he is known on The Three Bs: KJ.
KJ was in a classroom 1,240 miles west of Coors Field.He had no access to a television and his ipod cannot pick up an AM radio signal.KJ’s blackberry (MLB.com and my BBMs) was his only source of updates.
(Insert Slingbox Plug here.)
SLY: “The hit column has 0 hits for theRockiesthrough 5.”
KJ: “I see said the blind man.”
SLY: “Six innings complete.”
(For those of you who do not know 14 year old girl lingo; FML stands for Fuck My Life.)
KJ did not want this no-hit bid to go down for a couple of reasons:
1.Nobody wants to hear about or watch the highlights of a no-hitter. We (fans) need to watch it live.We want to brag to our friends that we watched the game from the beginning.
(I have only watched two no-hitters from 1st to last pitch: 1. Kevin Millwood vs. Los Gigantes and Jonathon Sanchez vs. The Fathers.
This is why ESPN will always break programming and go to a no-hitter in progress.
2.He missed most of Jonathon Sanchez’s no hitter in 2009.He was at dinner with the lovely KTbug.He loves KTbug, but this had to kill him inside.I know how upset I would be.
Note to all girls.If a pitcher from your man or woman’s (politically correct) favorite team is throwing a no-no or perfect game, please allow them to drop whatever they are doing immediately and proceed straight to a television set.
If we are not allowed to do this, we will always hold some sort of resentment for the remainder of the relationship.
With these two reasons, KJ did not want Big Time to throw the no-no.
SLY: “You can relax; CarGo just hit a single with one out in the 7th.”
KJ: “Thank God.”
I believe negative feelings and vibes can manifest itself into something real, and I believe this is what happened with Lincecum’s no-hit bid.
Is it any surprise that KJ owns a Pedro Cerrano jersey?
KJ’s negative juju ruined any chance of Lincecum throwing a no-hitter yesterday.
I have to admit, I am impressed but a little scared of KJ at the moment.To change the course of history using only negative thoughts is an impressive feat.
KJ should put his powers to use; maybe Matt Kemp can pull a hammy?
Nate Schierholtz’s moon shot yesterday was Bonsian.I haven’t yelled “Oh My God!” since Panda almost went splash in Right-Center at AT&T during Jonathon Sanchez’s no-hitter in 2009.
Nate must be using the flaxseed oil.
(Yes, I was drawling parallels from the 2 games as early as the 3rd inning).
Cody Ross will be activated tomorrow.I would send Darren Ford down and wait for Torres to be activated before I demote Belt.
I expect Belt will start some games in leftfield inFresno.This will only give Los Gigantes more flexibility when he returns.
Belt looked tentative the last 10 or so days.He was missing 3-2 belt high fastballs.That is a sign he is in his own head.He will figure it out.I am rooting for the kid.
Ubaldo is on the hill tonight.I hope the rust from the DL is evident.
If Ublado looks good after three innings, I will call in KJ’s negative juju.
Well, that did not last long.
The Bryan Stow Peace Treaty lasted all of two days.It appears the BS Peace Treaty applies only off the field.
(As it should)
I would like to personally thank Don Mattingly.
Thank you, and…
By drilling Buster twice it appears Mattingly is trying to ignite the brawl fuse.Does he think it will bond his team together?
The PPV Gigantes/Doyers Royal Rumble is a real possibility next month when they meet again.
Will DirecTV let me order early?
Speaking of ordering, how many Gigantes fans ordered Showtime to watch “The Franchise: A Season with Los Gigantes de San Fransico” last night?
I know RT was one of them.
RT was alarmed when a Penn & Teller show was shown on the TV Guide time-slot where “The Franchise” was suppose to air.His blood pressure lowered when he saw Boch light up the cigar.
Nicotine calms even through the television.
If you thought the show felt rushed, you were right.Remember that the show was a preview and was only 30 minutes long.The producers of the show attempted to briefly introduce the audience to the main cogs of the team and a couple feel good stories (Marc Kroon and Brandon Belt).I believe they will gauge the response and try to play off whatever story lines or players test out the highest with the test audiences.
I am guessing we will see a whole lot of B-Weeze, Timmy, Skinny Panda, and Buster.
What was the best part of the show?
1. The off-season workouts of Andy Torres.
Torres work-out attire was classic.He did not wear a shirt or shoes.He did sport a massive platinum chain and True Religion denim jeans.
Torres workout consisted of running up dirt hills and throwing cinder blocks over his head.
It was like he was the Puerto Rican Rocky.Eye of the Tiger should have been playing as background music as he was on screen.
This is how I imagine Domingo Ayala trained when he successfuly defended his Rookie of the Year award.
“Pop da chain.”
2.The Soulful Southpaw.
Now pitching #75, The Soulful Southpaw
I affectionately refer to Barry Zito as the Singer/Songwriter, I am ditching that handle for the one Showtime bestowed upon him; The Soulful Southpaw.
No follow up joke/line needed.
RT suggested that we can no longer call The Soulful Southpaw by his given name, only his handle.
Today’s off day allows the Sharks to be front and center in Bay Area sports.
I love that we (fans) can use the same chant from the last three nights.Playoff matchups create and build rivalries.This could be the birth of Sharks and Kings hatred for each other.The rivalry possibility has all the ingredients; all it will take to become alive is a 6 or 7 game series.
Does anyone else have a feeling this is the year the Sharks are going to finally break though and win Lord Stanley’s Cup?
Over the past 5 years the Sharks have been the most successful professional team in the Bay Area (The Sabercats and their Arena Bowls excluded). This season has had a different feel than the last few years. They didn’t come out of the chutes on fire as they have the last 3 years. They were horrible the first two months and sat in 13th in the West.
The Sharks peaked at the right time and rocketed to finish with the two seed.
Kind of reminds me of Los Gigantes and their World Series run.
Nothing is better than Playoff Hockey…except Playoff Baseball.
It was me.I ruined Timmy’s 4th inning.
SLY: “Timmy looks incredible, Superman status.”
KJ:“96 MPH, Los Doyers have no chance.”
After the 3rd inning, I had a conversation with myself as if I were in a two-man announcing booth.
(Yes, these are part of my game watching activities when I am alone.)
SLY (Normalvoice): “Timmy looks like he has no-hit stuff.”
SLY (Deep announcer voice): “I hope the 49 pitches through three innings does not hurt his chances.”
(Full disclosure: I cooked a nice little dinner for myself and may or may not have been drinking.)
4th inning: One pitch, one out.
SLY (Normal Voice): “That will help the pitch count (glare at partner).
SLY (Deep announcer voice): “Thank you Johnny Obvious.”
Then it happened.
Timmy transformed from Superman to that dude inSeattlewho fancies himself a superhero.Yes, This guy.
The Man, The Myth, The Legend…Pheonix Jones
With the game seemingly hanging in the balance, Timmy revealed his best attribute (besides his freakish talent), his heart.Down 3-0 with men on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out, he managed to escape without any further damage.
Is there a superhero whose superhero ability is damage control?
Stan Lee says……no.
(Probably would not be the best seller at the comic book store.)
You know the rest of the game story.
It was easily the most satisfying game of the short season.
Since I announced the game to myself last night, I have the authority to comment on Kruk and Kuip.
Kruk and Kuip were on fire last night.KJ and I openly wondered if they were drinking the happy juice.
We can only hope this is the future of Kruk and Kuip.
Here are a few of their gems:
Kruk: “Kemp is Cabbage!”
(Kemp was caught stealing in the 2nd inning.What does that (Cabbage) even mean?I never heard that phrase until theSouthPark “JerseyShore” episode.Can somebody please enlighten me?I need to know.)
Kuip: “What a bitch’n tie.”
(A cameraman panned the crowd and came upon man in his work attire.The tie was flashy; it had silver, green, and purple.I was taken aback by the terminology.Was bitch’n used in the 70s?)
Kruk: “This is an absolute strikeout situation.”
(Kruk went to this line twice, in the 4th and 6th innings.What’s the problem you may ask?There were runners on the corners with 1 out in both situations.Am I the only one who wants a double play over a strikeout in this situation?)
By the way, I love Kruk and Kuip.The guys are quickly becoming classics.They remind me of a television series where as the years go on the characters’ personalities are more defined and then exaggerated.
Check out the first season of “The Simpsons”, Homer has lost a few points off his IQ each succeeding season.
Season 1 Season 20
A PPV Mealy:
On Monday, Juan BooOo-ribe was a whole lot of happy when he received his World Series ring. On Tuesday, it looked like he was ready to charge the mound after Timmy drilled him with his 115th and final pitch of the night in the 6th inning.
It was the second time Timmy has drilled BooOo-ribe this season.The umpire had to get in front of Juan as he shouted, “Das da sesond EFFing ty-mine!”
It got me thinking, what if someone charged Timmy on the mound?
It might be the biggest brawl in SF Gigantes history, Juan Marichal/John Roseboro included.
I doubt Timmy would get touched.Do you know what the top speed of a lean and mean Panda who knows kung fu is?
….I am not sure either, but I have a feeling we would see the Panda’s 7th gear hauling from 3rd base to intercept the would-be mound charger.
Panda’s are cute and vicious.
It all comes out in the wash: gum, coins, bills, anti-diarrhea pills, condoms, and bad defense.Most Gigantes fans were well aware Los Gigantes played out of their heads defensively last postseason.Their shortcomings on defense were not exposed.
The wash cycle had ended.Thank God, for the extra long wash cycle!It could have ended in 2010.
Can I blame the poor defense on Brandon Belt’s excellence at first base?His bat and glove forced Aubrey Huff to the outfield.Los Gigantes have been exposed far too often in the outfield this year.
What happened to the best athlete on the team?
The taped body outline of #17 is seared into my brain.
Thoughts on Belt:
Belt probably has about 2 weeks to figure things out.He does not look comfortable right now.How many 4-3 putouts are we going to see?He has to be close to the record for most 4-3 putouts over a three-game period.I have six on my count (2 Friday, 3 Sunday, and 1 Monday).
Here is the BBM conversation with RT and KJ last night during Belt’s last at bat:
SLY: “4-3, 4-3, 4-3, 4-3, and 4-3.”
At the exact same time…
KJ: “How many 4-3’s does BB have now?”
RT: “A lot.”
If Belt does continue to struggle (Watch him go 4×4 tonight) and is optioned toFresno, there is some good that could come out of the situation.Start Belt in left field atFresno.He is a good enough athlete that he will figure it out.Los Gigantes defense will be largely improved if Belt can become a league average outfield defender.
Los Gigantes have Huff for next year as well.He is at the stage of his career where his defense can only decline.
Huff is less of a liability at first base.Belt can slide into the everyday 1st base roll in 2013.
Of course, this is all predicated on Belt being optioned toFresno.Los Gigantes will not try this experiment in a Major League game.
This option could also be readdressed after the season.
Since I just wrote this, Belt will go on a 20-42 tear and Huff will look like Roberto Clemente in right field.
I will enjoy the taste of crow.
Big Time Timmy Jim is on the bump tonight.
He looks filthy.
I do not believe Timmy has washed all season.
Los Gigantes won 2 of 3 from the Cardinals.We should all thank Colby Rasmus.
I haven’t written a love letter in a while, it is about time.
You dashed like a gazelle into left-center field on both Friday and Saturday with your hair lightly bouncing in a way that reminded me of Fabio riding a horse on beach with a slight breeze from the ocean air.I know it was my love that stopped you from retrieving the ball that A-Row hit on Friday and dropping Miggy’s ball on Saturday.
You wanted to make me happy, I appreciate that.
I will return the favor (No homo).Let me know when and where.
I cannot wait to see you in St. Louis.
Shaun Lauren Yaple
I am sure that little note makes up for the looks Colby received from LaRussa the past couple of days.
The Dodgers come into town tonight. If there is anyone who wants to get even for Brian Stow, please don’t. Sports are for entertainment (Not Sports Entertainment!) and supposed to be fun.
Fans who engage in violence need to know who they are and where they’re at.Take a good look in the mirror. You will undoubtedly see a loser.
Hate the Franchise, not the people.
One Love and Go Gigantes.
Los Gigantes will raise their 2010 World Championship banner momentarily.
Damn, it feels good to be a world champion.
Take it in….
Alright, that’s enough.There is a game to play and win.
Here’s hoping we get the Dirty Sanchez on this Opening Home game celebration.From what I hear, that exactly what is going on at 3rd and King this morning.My Pops (never one to miss a party) has confirmed the bars were packed by 10AM and the championship liquor was flowing free.
Why do you have Jager and a Bloody Mary? “Cause I like to party.”
I am disappointed I am not celebrating in a drunken baseball stupor with my Pops.
One quick baseball tangent:
MLB Tonight on the MLB Network spent a solid 10 minutes on Bryce Harper’s professional debut in A-ball.
Is it possible to be sick of the dude before I watch him play a big league game?I don’t need Japanese style reports on Bryce Harper’s minor league games.
Wake me when he hits his 100th big league home run (2013).
Here is a sad fact about Bryce Harper. If he has a career that mirrors Pat Burrell (.840 OPS, 300 HR, and 1,000 RBIs) he will largely be considered a failure.
Now if Bryce has half of Pat the Bat’s sex tales, he will be a winner in my eyes.
I will be attending the Bay Area Craft Beer Festival tomorrow with KJ, C-Lew, and the Real Dante’ Hicks tomorrow afternoon.
It should be a delicious S-Show.
Here is a preview:
I hope to still be awake before first pitch on Saturday night.
$$$ Well Spent
I paid $210 for the MLB Extra Innings package from DirecTV.I came to the realization that I will spend a whole lot more dinero because of this purchase.
Since I paid for the service, I want to get as much use as possible.To me, that means, always having access to the service.
1: Purchase Slingbox HD Pro:$ 299.00
2. Purchase ipad 2 (32GB):$ 729.00
I do not want to estimate what I will spend on tickets, food, and booze at live games this year.I am sure the price will be north of what the gadgets cost.
I need to stay productive at work to support my MLB addiction.
New Year, New Fads!
One week into the 2011 MLB season and a couple of fads have caught on:
1. Appendectomies are cool!
Stomach hurt?Take out your appendix!
I was worried when Andy Torres had his appendix taken out last year.He came back and helped Los Gigantes win the World Series.
There must be an Appendectomy to World Series winner correlation.
Matt Holliday and Adam Dunn will put my hypothesis to the test.
(Dunn and the White Sox have a better chance to prove the hypothesis.)
2. The MLB2K11 advertisements must be grueling on the Oblique muscles.
Brian Wilson strained his oblique holding his early 1990s cell phone a little too tight during filming.
Evan Longoria swung too hard trying to impress the young intern on the set.His digital self did hit some monster bombs.
He impressed the young intern.
Roy Halladay may be the next to fall.
I think the 2K series may have a curse forming.In 2010, Nelson Cruz, Kendry(s) Moralas, and Andrew Bailey were all featured in the 2K commercials.
All missed significant time in 2010.
Good to see the Madden Curse has found an heir-apparent.
Hoot and Holler:
Give me a second to blow off some steam…
Another 3:35 PM start time for Los Gigantes and the Fathers?I hate Twilight start times.I hate the word Twilight.I hate the Movie series about the super-EMO, non-attractive, and whiney beezy.
I hate that I have used the word “hate” five times in the past four sentences.
4 of Los Gigantes first 6 games have had Twilight start times.
Yes, I hate that.If you do not know why I hate Twilight start times, please read yesterday’s (4/5) Daily Bs.
The good news?
Lincecum will shove and Los Gigantes will win.
If not, Buster may need an Appendectomy to jumpstart the season.
I hope it doesn’t come to that.
Los Gigantes and The Fathers have a 3:30 PM start time.
Padres’ management must love shadows.
What are shadows good for?
1. Viewing a Day Eclipse.
2. Allows the Groundhog make his only contribution to society.
3. Entertainment for kids at sleepovers (Animal hand shadows).
4. Good for funny sex scenes in movies (camping tents).
5. Baseball Pitching Staffs (Exclude Barry Zito from Sunday).
What are Shadows not good for?
1. Aubrey Huff in the outfield.
2. Offense in Baseball games.
3. Viewing a Baseball game on TV.
4.Announcers of Baseball Games.
The Padres are smart little devils.Who gets the ball for the Padres this afternoon?
That would be Aaron Haran, who sports a 4.72ERA and a WHIP of 1.45 over the past three years.
Little known fact: Shadows and Aaron Harang are BFFs.
The Padres have successfully closed the gap of talent between themselves and Los Gigantes with a natural resource: Shadows.
If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying.
Top Quotes of the weekend from Dodger fans and our reactions.
1. Many Dodgers Fans: “The Giants Suck!”
2010, 2010, and 2010.
2. One confused baseball fan “The Orioles Suck!”
“Yeah, I know.”
3. Dodgers fan who may have a few cameos on Gangland: “I want to kill some Giants fans.”
…All quiet on The Three Bs front.KJ did not even have to prompt me on that one.
4. A Woman who tried to block entry to our section: “Give me your Snuggie.”
I hate the Dodgers but love capitalism.It will be on ebay.
5. A Dodgers fan after I told him his World Series Trophy is old enough to buy him an alcoholic beverage: “Is that the last time we won?”
Yeah, that would be 1988.
6. Douche-bag Dodgers fan behind us when KJ and Ipartook in deuces (2 balls, 2 strikes, and 2 outs) in the 8th inning of Sunday’s contest: “Is that a cocaine reference?
Yes, it is a cocaine reference.
7. Same Douche bag as #6 when he made fun of Japan and even I thought it was off-colored: “That’s what we do in L.A. we make fun of everything.”
Because of Douche bag?
8. Dodger fan and fellow amateur writer Andrei Ojeda: “Which one of you is the blogger?”
I was kind of shocked to be somewhat recognized.Good stuff.
9.Same Douche Bag as 6 and 7: “You blog, oh goodness.”
SLY:“Hey, If Jonathon Broxton was a fruit, what would he be?”
So-Cal DB: “I dunno bro, what?”
SLY: “A Pear.”
So-Cal DB: “Whaaa?”
SLY: “Because they look the same.”
So-Cal DB: “Aww man, you’re kind of funny.”
Thank you for fitting into your XS shirt.
10: Dodger-Talk Radio Host after the game: “I don’t get the last reference.”
I called in to Dodger-Talk on 790AM on the way out of Dodger Stadium and gave them three things Jonathon Broxton can do to ensure a successful season.
1: Grow a beard, dye it black.
3. Go on George Lopez.
Peace out Los Angeles.
Ten thoughts on Opening Day:
1.The 2011 version of the Brewers are Harvey’s Wall Bangers 2.0.Too bad the Brewers have to use the bullpen.
2.There is magic in Dusty’s wristbands and toothpicks.
3. John Sterling is as annoying as ever.“Teixeria sends a Tex message to right field. Yes, You’re right on the mark, Teixeria.”
4.The Cardinals will be able to afford Albert Pujols if he stays on pace to hit into 486 double plays.
6. Bud Black owns a magic wand.
7. Maybe I can predict the future.Clayton Kershaw, wow.
8. I may not return alive from Los Angeles this weekend. A few knuckleheads don’t get it.Enjoy the game more, brothers.
9. Re-read BoooOOoo-Rrrriiiiibbbbbbbbeeee. He is officially fair game.
10.I love Baseball.
A start of a new season brings a start of a new feature to The Three Bs.The Daily Bs will be short, sweet, and updated daily.Enjoy!
My thoughts on Barry Zito’s car accident:
Please Jesus, let Barry Zito make his scheduled start on Sunday.I wouldn’t want the season debut of “The Barry Zito Drinking Game” to be delayed.
Opening Day is my Christmas.I am sure many people around the country feel the same.I will not be productive at work as I constantly check box scores, twitter updates, and follow each of my fantasy player’s at bats.
Welcome back Baseball, How I have missed you.
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It took six days but the roommate is gone. Los Gigantes now sit alone atop the NL West. It is 2:30AM and I am still wide awake at
work and in quite a good mood. My heightened
alertness can be the attributed to the quadruple espresso I finished at 1:00AM. My euphoric mood is from stomping the Dodgers
to get to grab a hold of first place.
What a fun and satisfying win. Aubrey and Buster went b2b, Garrrrr
(Renteria) had 4 knocks, Guiilen went 3×3 with a bomb, and the Dodgers were treated
to a Dirty Sanchez that would make even the great Erik Everhard proud.
#57 was dirtier than this.
Atta babe Sanchee. True to form, you never know what you are
going to get with #57. Last turn out,
Sanchez walked 7 in five innings but held down the Fathers. I stated he was wildly effectively wild. Tonight he pounded, pounded, and pounded the
zone some more. Sanchez finished the
night 7in 4h 1r 0bb and a career high 12ks.
It was only the 13th time in Los Gigantes history a pitcher
has had 0BBs and 12Ks.
Before the season KJ and I discussed how many victories Los
Gigantes needed from their starters to make the playoffs. We decided on 60. Los Gigantes are at 53. They will need to get to 60 to get in.
KJ and I are smart.
If Los Gigantes make the playoffs, Sanchez is getting a
start in the NLDS. The $126 million
dollar man will be a reliable long man. Well, I hope Mr. Zito is cast into that
roll. I hope Bruce Bochy doesn’t have
any “Seattle Spirit” with Zito and his experience in the post-season. I was in Seattle this past weekend and learned what the
“Seattle Spirit” is all about. This is
the definition, as defined by a tour guide with a Masters in History from Western Washington
University, “Seattle Spirit is when a person has an idea,
even if it is a bad idea, and continues with the idea until the idea is either
finished or until it becomes a good idea.”
I had two epiphanies.
I must have been born in Seattle, because most of my actions and
thoughts epitomize Seattle Spirit.
I finally understand how the WNBA came to be.
The Seattle Storm won the WNBA Championship tonight. Somehow, it feels right. I am sure the 2010 WNBA Championship trophy
makes up for missing out watching Kevin Durant over the next decade.
I will write about my Seattle
adventure over the weekend. The trip
involved plenty of Seattle Spirit.
…but on the way to Seattle,
something amazing happened.
KJ, LJ, and I were on the road to the Airport at 3:00AM. We were all on 3 hours of sleep or less. The radio was the only thing audible.
At 3:45 amidst the silence, KJ gets up, clears his throat,
and has something to say.
KJ: “Holy Cheese (edit), I got a great idea.”
KJ: “I’m going to realign the NFL.”
SLY: “It has already been done.”
KJ: “Not like this. I
want o realign the NFL by grouping the mascots.”
I smiled and turned around.
This sounded like a great way to kill some time at the airport.
We started grouping the teams into new divisions.
We met up with some non-sports fans friends (Law Students)
and posed asked them for their advice about the subject over a many adult
“We have 32 people/places/things and want to make 6-8 groups/divisons
with 4-6 in each group/division where the people/places/things all have some
We had a pen and paper. The law students gave good insights and
perspective. After much debate, here is
our NFL realignment:
A Solid division with a couple of solid
super bowl contenders.
Uhhh, this reminds me of the NFC West. Bengals win the division with 9 wins!
Colts win this division every year until
Peyton Manning can no longer breathe.
Wild West Division
I am happy the 49ers and Cowboys would play
every year. We could also call this the
Hometown Heroes Division 1
Oilers, makes more sense then)
The AL EAST of the NFL. All
5 teams are playoff contenders.
Hometown Heroes Division 2
Brees would get to go all “Brett Favrey” on the Bolts twice a year. Fun.
Rape and Pillage Division
(They are defenseless sea mammals.)
Have you ever seen a
Dolphin rape and pillage a pirate? You
would in this division.
The traveling secretaries would all get a massive
raise. It would be well deserved.
We must do this with MLB.
I am starting at work now.
MadBum on the bump tomorrow night.
Remember me Bernie?
Bring on the Ceverceros.
It’s been a while. I had to be responsible. I purchased a home and was given a promotion. These are still not reasonable excuses. Forgive me.
So much has happened since my last entry. Where do I start?
Let me update my theory on KJ’s Road Curse.
Shortened Version (for all the Storm Alum). KJ watched our boys get swept by the Fathers in April. He blamed himself. I agreed. We decided to end his “Road Curse” (Los Gigantes have had no problem winning at home when KJ attends) by booking a trip to Denver. The trip coincided with our Nations birthday. Here is a quick recap.
July 1st. L 7-3
July 2nd L 6-3
July 3rd W 11-8
Big Cheer for KJ!!!! It only took 5 games!
July 4th L 4-3 in 15 innings. This was the longest game played in the history of Coors Field. The game clocked in at 5 hours and 25 minutes. This is the easiest way to describe how long the game was.
On the way to the ballpark I stopped and bought sunscreen. It was 95 Degrees. By the 11th inning I had no need to for sunscreen as rain was pouring from the sky. There was also a tornado warning. It was as if God wanted to end the game himself.
SLY: “This game has been so long the seasons changed.”
KJ: “Is it September?”
This is about right.
This was one of my all-time favorite games I have attended. Back to Back Home Runs, second of which (Andres Torres) was a ground ball down the first base line that looked like it might be a double, took a crazy carom which led to Andy speeding around the bases, straight to the clubhouse where he sucked oxygen for the next 5 minutes. Los Gigantes escaped numerous jams capped by the Houdini act by Guillermo Mota in the 14th inning. Bases loaded with no outs. No problem. Strikeout followed by a fly ball to Torres in left where he gunned down the possible winning run at home.
The magic ran out in the 15th, unfortunately unlike Pac Bell Park, there was no “Magic Inside” at Coors Field.
I was proud of my fellow Gigantes fans. The majority of them stayed for the entire game.
I want to thank Uncle Jim of www.ballparksacrossamerica.com fame as he booked us a great room at his club price. Uncle Jim also showed us the “honor bar” and the Grand Hyatt. Here is how Uncle Jim explained the honor bar.
Uncle Jim: “They (Grand Hyatt Management) know you are going to lie, just be cool about it.”
I was very honorable.
I still question whether KJ is cursed on the road. We are going to test out KJ’s Road Curse this weekend. We are throwing in a wrinkle. We are following the 49ers to Seattle for their opener. The Niners should crush the Seahawks. If they lose, all the blame can be placed on the broad shoulders of Kenneth Lawrence Jones.
A few random observations and thoughts from the past 4 months:
- Aubrey Huff’s cap looks like it belongs on a train conductor. It has the straight square cap, slight middle crease in the lid. I see a Cal Train job in his future. One word of caution, watch out for the jumpers.
Ladies and Gentleman… Aubrey Huff in 2042
- I stated during Spring Training that Andres Torres was one of the best players on the field. I thought he could be a productive player but I didn’t think he would be ONE of the most valuable players for Los Gigantes. Way to go Andy.
Who saw this coming?
- I love Juan Uribe. I don’t care that he is going to finish the season hitting .240. He could be 2 for his last 55 and I would still want him up in a big situation. I anticipate he will hit a hanging slider 400 feet and I will get to see his little “jazz hands” celebration.
- I am naming my 1st born (Dog) Buster. I predict that Buster will be the #1 pet name in the Bay Area for the next 15 years. My 2nd born will be named Freak if it is a male or Freaka (FR-EE-K-UH) if it is female. Buster and Freak(a) will be great additions to the family.
Roll over, C’mon BUSTER roll over… wait don’t. Drive it to Right-Center!
- Bochy = amazing unintentional comedy. Here’s a fun game my friends and I have done recently. Put an over/under (Gambling is illegal and bad, don’t participate.) on how many times Boch will say “UHH” in any given interview. An average radio pre-game show will produce about 35-40 “UHHs” in about 2 minutes. I would set the line around 36. Last Sunday during ESPN’s coverage I set the line at 12 during the in game interview. KJ took the under and LJ and I took the over. Orel Hershiser attempted to sabotage the line with his 45 second question but Boch still came through with 19 “UHHs” in 45 seconds. Bochy has to get a new deal. I have too much fun listening to him, and honestly he has done a fantastic job the past two years.
UHH, Well, Ya know, You’re short, and UHH That was UHH Horible Call.
- I want to set up a race with Jose Guillen and Bengie Molina. The way Guillen is lumbering I may put my money on Big Money. I am honestly scared of fly balls hit to right field. I haven’t felt like this since Glenallen Hill was patrolling right field at the Stick.
RT mentioned that I should write a love letter to Pat the Bat. Heck, sounds like a good idea to me. Here it goes.
Who knew you were still much more than such a dreamy looking man? I am so enthusiastic about the lightning still in your bat. I am on www.1800flowers.com right now purchasing Flowers and Chocolate for the entire front office of the Tampa Bay Rays organization. You have given depth and legitimized our lineup to resemble at least an MLB average offenseive team. I accept your flaws and graciously accept you for who you are. Will you do the same for me? I occasionally have too many adult beverages, allow the outcomes of Los Gigantes games to influence my moods, and generally obsess over baseball most of my waking hours. If you can handle me, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I think we should meet.
I just freaked myself out. That was very Oscar (The Office) like.
I will stop now.
Los Gigantes are off to San Diego. KJ will not be in attendance as we will be in Seattle. Anyone know of a good Sports Bar in Seattle to watch the Gigantes/Fathers game on Saturday?
It is time to win a series and take control.
I promise to not be gone long.
In the year 1999…
The best of music sounded like…
“Livin La Vida Loca” by Rickey Martin
“If you had my love” by J-Lo
“Genie in a bottle” by Christina Aguilera
The Best Picture of the year was “American Beauty”.
For the AL- Ivan (I am 45 pounds lighter…10 years later) Rodriguez and for the NL Chipper (Clean…We hope) Jones.
1999 Cy Young Award Winners
NL- Randy Johnson
1999 Stats: 23-4 213 INN 313 Ks 2.07 ERA
That’s what he looked like then….
This is what he looks like now…
2008 Stats: 5-6 109 INN 87 Ks 5.62 ERA
Let your SOULLLL GLOOOOWWWWW
And this is what Los Gigantes looked like against Pedro tonight…
This lil dude has more speed than Big Money
This bopper would have swung at a hanging slider in the 9th……
I wasn’t informed it was turn back the clock night.
Pedro had a line of 7 IN 5 H 1 ER and 9 Ks.
I am not trying to make fun of the GREAT Challenger Baseball League but Pedro made every hitter in Los Gigantes lineup (with the exception of the Eritrean Cab Driver) look like they belonged in THAT SPECIAL league that plays on Sundays. Pedro looked like the Pedro of 1999, well close enough. If it was 1999, Pete would have gone 9 with 0 earnies and 13 Ks.
I felt Pedro might bring it with Timmy on the mound. He has so much pride you expected him to compete his A*S*S off, and he did. He matched Timmy K for K through 4 innings with 7ks. They both went 7 innings. Timmy gave up 2 ER with 11 punch outs while Pedro had 9 Mike Tysons with only 1 ER. Pedro also got what mattered, the DUB-YA.
Great pitching duel.
We should not forget how amazing Pedro was from 1997-2005. He was one of the All-Time Greats.
For the series Los Gigantes out-scored the World Champs 5-3 and managed to lose the series. That is hard to do. Los Gigantes dropped 3 bombs, 2 more than the Phills. If you would have told me the Phills would hit one bomb and score 3 runs in the series, I would have thought we won at least 2 of 3.
This was ugly.
The most ugly moment of the series.
F.Lew….errrr F.Loser. I am sorry, This wasn’t his fault. He was not going to succeed. This is on the man with the size 8+ melon.
Dear Mr. Bochy,
I am so glad you have faith in your players. But please, can you quit having faith in F.Lew? I have more faith that Chupacabras exist than F.Lew will get a hit with a man in scoring position. He has 16 RBI. It is September, were are now in the 6th month of the season. He is averaging just over 3 RBI per month. What was your rational? He might run into one? Good thought, but you have to swing to run into one. First pitch, hanging slider… F. Lew thought he would get a good look? Second pitch, belt high… outside…another good look perhaps? Good lord. Then we got a defensive two strike hack…game over. I actually wanted The Sushi Chef/House of Gengi Entertainer to take his at bat. I am sorry I am being emotional. I can not help it. I really can’t.
Good luck in Milwacky.
I still think you should be Manager of the year.
Shaun L. Yaple
PS- Mr. Penny was amazing. Give him my love.
I was in Milwaukee the last time Los Gigantes were there. My friends and I had a great time (except for the blown save on Saturday. We still love you B.Jezzy!). It really was a poop (you can’t use the S-Word on here) show. Here are a few highlights.
When we first arrived, we looked for the best beer Milwaukee had to offer. We naturally looked for Milwaukee’s Best. As we learned from Floyd Mayweather Sr. (when talking about Freddy “The Joke Coach Roach”) that “its all in the words, words dont lie.” The locals taught us that in fact, words do lie. Milwuakee’s Best is not the best.
But after a long night of drinking The High Life and one too many cranberry vodkas…
You go from looking like this…
whhhaaat happened? Did F.Loser really pinch hit in the 9th?
Remedy for a hangover:
Find Bernie Brewer…
Go up to him…
And do this…
I apologize. Hide the children.
I already feel better.
Bring on Milwaukee.
If all else fails… Barry Zito Drinking Game!!!