Tagged: Spring Training

Opening Day Diary

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Los Gigantes Home Opener 4/9/11


I had my real world job to perform during Opening Day last Friday.  Lucky for me, RT had the day off.  He agreed to do a running diary during the game.  My thoughts are in italics under his.


11:58am: Beer numero uno.


Lucky ******* sitting on his couch while I try to sneak glances at the Television.


12:17pm: Ray Ratto is wearing a hideous sweater.


It is almost to the point where Ratto is like Craig Sager.  I can’t wait to see what he is wearing.  If Ratto ever wears a yellow corduroy sweater, my head will explode.


12:35pm: Bull Neukom’s sport coat is older than Willie Mays and uglier than Amy G.



12:37pm: Beer Numero dos.


Really? You have the day off and you are on a 39 minute per beer pace.  It takes no talent to go at your best speed at a high speed.  I am disappointed in my brother at the moment.

12:40pm. I wish I had tickets.  My *** won’t leave the couch for the next 3 hours.


Make that 4 hours and 24 minutes.

12:47pm: Oh God, Renel.


Now batting….Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Boooonnnnnnnds (ear bleeding levels).


12:52 pm: Ashley (girlfriend) is home for lunch. I offer her a beer and she declines.  Beer numero tres.


I would have tried sex.  Good to see RT finished the 2nd beer at 15 minutes.  Beer pace lowered to 27 minutes per beer.  I am still disappointed.

12:55 pm: Train? Really? Bands Before games are lame.


If Train performing before an opener was the punishment for winning the World Series, I don’t know if it is worth it.

Los Gigantes enter the field from Center.  I hope this becomes a new tradition.


I think RT is drunk off 2 ½ beers.  The time stamps have disappeared.

Brian Wilson is the man. “Cooperstown wanted this ball. I told them no. They can have our players but not this ball.”




Nice tribute to Brian Stow with a Beat LA chant. Love it.


If Brian Stow does not recover, does he get a patch? I vote yes. 

brian-wilson-raise the banner.jpg


Brian Wilson runs out to center to raise the championship banner.  Is it over the top? Maybe, but it is complete awesomeness.  I have Goosebumps.


Brian Wilson will be a professional wrestler before he becomes a Ninja Action Movie Star.

Game Time:


How pissed is Tony LaRussa?  He had to stand on the field for almost an hour.  There are ceremonies for each of the weekend games as well.  A Gigante may get plunked to send a message to Los Gigantes management to tame down the pre-game ceremonies.


-Top 1: Jonathon Sanchez starts the game with a 4 pitch walk. He’ll come back n strike out the side. That is the Sanchez we all know and love.


Poor Bochy. I think Sanchez has taken years off his life.  We have inning stamps!


Top 2: Uhhh, Huff in the outfield. When is Ross Back? Dammit, 1-0 Cardinals.


If Belt sticks, Huff will be out there next year as well.  What happened to the best athlete on the team?


Bottom 2: Pablo takes two pitches (balls), I pitch a tent, Pablo swings at the next pitch (ball), I lose my tent, Pablo with a base hit, and the tent is re-pitched. 


I understand completely.  Where is the cerveza update?  I am kind of living through you at the moment.

Top 3:  Uggg, Huff again.


U.G.L.Y.  This is becoming a real problem.


Bottom 3: WOOOOOOOOOOHHHOOOO (Tejada bomb).


And Tejada becomes the Statue to hit a home run in the Big Leagues.  Why is his home run trot appear so fast, but he looks so slow on everything else?


Hell yeah, Jonathon Sanchez with a double.


Boom, Freddy Sanchez with his own double.

double double.jpg 


Double-Double! Can I trademark the “in-N-out” offense? 

Top 5: Jonathon Sanchez is settled. He looks good.  Burrell makes a great catch as he crashes into the wall.


Ummm, what happened to the 4th inning? 


Bottom 5:  I stopped counting beers but there are only 2 Coronas left.

beer fridge.jpgFail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail 

The lapses in time are explained!

Top 6: Once again Sanchez can’t get through 6.  The long first did him in.


He averaged 5.8 innings per start last year.  You know what you’re getting.


Bottom 6: Everytime Burrell is up I think he is going to go deep.  30 seconds later: Boom, Burrell goes El Centro.


Belt hits his 1st MLB double!  Put him in the Hall!

Whenever I think about Burrell, I think about him defecating on some girl’s living room because she passed out and couldn’t get with Pat The Bat.


Belt goes into the hall in 2032.  Book it.


Top 7:  Affeldt looks unhittable.


Welcome back 20.09 Version.  20.10 Version was put in the recycle bin.


Top 8: Home Depot doing more on defense, yeah Pablo!


I guess RT finished his all the beer.  I do not get it.

Top 9: Wilson time. That beard has so much amazing inside.


It is so dense it can even support rust.


What is that tattoo on Yadier Molina’s neck.  A camera shot zoomed in but I cannot figure it out.

yadier neck tat.jpg 


I am not sure what it is, but I know what it signifies: I am a professional athlete. I do what I want.  I will never have to rely on anyone else for employment. 

Walk, infield single and now a HBP to Jon Jay.  This is turning into a typical Wilson save.  I feel a mini ulcer forming.


Kaz Matusi at the plate….errr Ryan Theriot doing his best impression.


Mother Eff’er (Theriot singles in two. 5-4 Cardinals).


That’s not how the Matsui at bat ended last year.


Bottom 9: Great, Rowand is hitting for Huff, stupid defensive replacement.  I mean, great job A-Row!


Panda comes through!!!  Bonus Baseball!


It feels strange to feel confident in Rowand.  I think this happens every April and May.  By June I will completely forget this feeling and loathe his at bats.


Top 11: Oh boy, only Runzler left.  He dominates.


I have man crushes on lefty relievers who have filthy stuff.  It may be a fetish.

Bottom 11: Torres hits a  leadoff double.  Go start.  Free 90 feet?  Thank you very much.  Lets go F.Sanchee.  Here is the 5 infielder defense.  Get her in the air.  F.Sanchee out.  Rowand has a chance to be the hero two years in a row.


At this point, I got off work and went to the bar. I could no longer handle ESPN Gamecast.  See, I need an ipad and Slingbox in my life.  Wow, Great play Allan Craig.

Intentional walks to Posey and Sandoval give DeRosa a chance to beat his former team.

Bat. On. Shoulder.



You gotta swing the battttt, you gotttttta swing the batttttttt.  I was just offered a beer.  I accepted.


Man at Bar: “Why did you accept my offer now but not 10 minutes ago?”


SLY: “Alcohol is a depressant.  I am depressed.”


Top 12:  Great inning from Runzler.  That is the Runzler I saw in Spring Training.


I am upset I didn’t get to see any Spring Training games.  In related news, my liver thanked me for not attending Spring Training in 2011.


Bottom 12:  Here we go. Runners are on the corners with two outs.  Here comes Rowand.  Hammered that, Game Over!

arow hero.jpg 

Two years in a row for A-Row!  Again remind me of how I felt about Rowand in a couple months.

A big thank you to Colby Rasmus for slowing down on that ball, I thought he had a good opportunity to make the play. 




Another beer please.


Man in Bar: “I thought you drink when you are depressed?”


SLY: “I also drink when I am happy.”


BIG thanks to RT.  I know that was a pain in the A$s.


Go Ahead and Jump… Onto The Band Wagon

Look around the Bay Area, Gigantes gear is everywhere.  It was inevitable.  


A team wins a championship and becomes the toast of the region. 

We did not think we were immune to the effects of a glorious championship run did we?


Band Wagoner:


A sports fan that’s loyalty is contingent upon a team’s success. These fans are rarely respected in the sport fanatic community because they reap the rewards of victory, without a willingness or fortitude to face the hardships of defeat.


Thanks Urban Dictionary, and I thought you were only good for sex act definitions such as “Blumpkin Backfire”.


(I know you are going to look it up, be sure to NOT use Google images)


Over the past few months I have engaged in a number of conversations with other Gigantes fans about band wagon fans. The conversations usually ended with the “real” fan bashing the late arrivals to the party.


I had one question for every “real fan” that bashed a band wagon fan:


What is the harm of a band wagon fan?


The answers I was given were not adequate.


I consulted with KJ (as we were in the same mindset on the subject) on the negatives of band wagon fans. 


We could only come up with two true negatives.  That’s impressive because we were both Mensa candidates.


1.  Ticket Prices


I learned about supply and demand at Napa Valley College’s Micro Economics course. Gosh darn Stubhub.  Check out the prices on the secondary ticket market.  They are ridiculous. 


Home Opening day (4/8) tickets on Stubhub are starting at $130.  The $130 tickets are Section 333, Row 16.  It would cost a family of four over $500 just to get into the ballpark.


Ticket Scalper’s (brick and mortar Stubhub) will also be raising the price of their cream this season.  I used to tell my-go-to-scalper to bring the cream (best available) to 21st Amendment before the game.  I have a feeling the cream will be out of my price range this season. 


2.  Bad Conversations


One of my favorite pastimes is talking baseball.  I grew up around knowledgeable baseball minds and expect a certain level of baseball common sense in my baseball conversations.


Band wagon fans can be a disaster to have a baseball conversation with.  It makes me feel very uncomfortable, which is usually what I do best to others.


The conversation usually ends with awkward silence when I bring up a new way to quantify a defenders true value. 


(Yes, these are the things that keep me up at night.)


High ticket prices on the secondary market and bad baseball conversations.  One hurts the wallet and one is mildly annoying.  These are also easy to avoid, buy your tickets directly from Los Gigantes and do not attempt to engage in a conversation with band wagon fans.


(Band wagon fans are easy to spot, 78% of them wear strap-back hats)


There are obvious positives that band wagon fans bring to the table: a full Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park, excitement, and a sense of camaraderie.  The number #1 positive of a band wagon fan often goes over looked.


1. Band Wagon Fans Breed New Fans.


A band wagon fan has the ability to spread their fandom to others. 


My brother in law, admittedly, is not a big baseball fan but got into Los Gigantes championship run.  He grew a playoff beard, looked up “The Machine”, and used the word “delicious” as often as possible. 


(Wait, I think he just had a man crush on B-Weezy.)


Will his interest in baseball/man crush of B-Weezy subside? Undoubtedly yes, but his excitement carried over to his oldest son, who is now a huge Gigantes fan. I bought him a Big Time Timmy Jim World Series Jersey for Christmas.  My Sister told me he wore the jersey for three straight weeks.  The jersey had to be torn off him to be washed.


Los Gigantes World Series run along with his Father’s excitement was the key to make my nephew a fan.  He watched more baseball in one month than he had previously watched in his lifetime.  How awesome is that?


New fan creation is well worth the high ticket prices and bad baseball conversations that result from fans hopping on the band wagon.


It doesn’t matter when you board the train, or even purchase a ticket; all that matters is that you arrive at the destination.  The World Series was the destination and we all arrived together.


There is plenty of room for the 2011 season.


All Aboard.


The Three Bs Vs. Pliny The Younger

Hey All- Please Check out the new Site: http://www.The-Three-Bs.com

The Three Bs Vs. Pliny The Younger


One third of The Three Bs is dedicated to Beer, Booze, Brew, and any other word associated with Alcohol which starts with the letter B. 


With that, I give you The Three Bs versus Pliny The Younger.


I will remember 2010 for many reasons; the birth of my nephew, Los Gigantes World Series title, the purchase of my first home, the launch of www-The-Three-Bs.com, and my first sip of Pliny The Younger.


Last February my friend Dante Hicks (I know what you’re thinking; he is not the character from “Clerks”.) alerted me that he was going to Santa Rosa to visit Russian River Brewery for the release of Pliny The Younger.  I will admit that was the first time I heard of Pliny The Younger.  This is embarrassing because Santa Rosa is my hometown and I have patronized Russian River Brewery on many occasions. 

Not this Dante Hicks, The Real Dante Hicks.


Dante turned me on to www.beeradvocate.com, there it was evident why Pliny The Younger was such a big deal, it was the 2nd rated beer in the world. 


How could I miss this opportunity so close to home?


Dante got to the Brewery at opening (11:00am) and was greeted with a line of a couple hundred people long.  I showed up around 11:30am and we proceeded to wait about 2 hours before we entered.


I did not feel bad about the wait as many people made a pilgrimage to taste the Younger.  There was a guy in line with us who flew in from Sweden . 


The stuff had to be legit.


The Younger came in at 11% abv in 2010 and went down like a champ.  Beer this high in alcohol content should not go down the gullet so blissfully.


Dante and I stayed for about 4 hours.  We took our time, filled a growler and drove home riding the bumps with one eye closed.


I shared the growler with Pops and KJ.  They both vowed to stand in line in 2011.


I went back to Russian River Brewery with my brother in law the following day.  Pliny the Younger was dry for the year.  I found out it lasted for only 8 beautiful hours.


Russian River Brewery made a few changes for their Pliny The Younger release in 2011; it was set for a two week release from 2/4-2/17.  The new rules were as follows: a limited number of kegs will be released each day to ensure the Younger last for two weeks, 10.5oz pours, and no growlers.  You can only drink what you can put in your belly.


The last part sounds like a challenge.


Round 1: Friday 2/11/11.


RT, LJ, and I stayed at my Pop’s place on Thursday night.  Pops could not partake in the festivities as he had to work.  Pops is much more responsible as RT and I blew off work.


We arrived at the brewery at 9:30am; I was surprised there was nobody in line. 


The situation gave me an eerie reminder of a situation in college.


In college I purchased 6 tickets for a concert two months in advance at San Jose State . The concert was scheduled for October 30th2006.  My friends and I all went out to the bars before stumbling over to the San Jose State Event Center for the show.  We arrived fashionably and drunkenly late when the 2nd act was suppose to go on.  We encountered one problem.  We were all alone on campus.


RT: “What the eff Shaun?”


SLY: “Duuude, the tickets say October 30th.”


RT: “Tickets don’t talk.”


SLY: “Well, there is not a show here, back to the bars.”


I found out at the bar the concert was cancelled over a month before.  I purchased the next few rounds. 


My blunder ruined any game I had with chics on this night as my friends were all too quick to bring up the situation to any female I encountered.


I was confident that Pliny The Younger was not canceled on this day, we headed to Starbucks for coffee.  The thought of Younger completely made me forget a few of my job responsibilities. 


SLY: “Shhhhhhhhit, I have to approve timecards before noon.”


LJ: “How are you going do that here?”


SLY: “There has to be someone with a computer around here somewhere.”


I found a FedEx Office store which had a pay to use internet service.  Awesome, it only cost $.25 per minute.  I should be done in less than $2.


I learned a lesson about capitalism.


The computer must have been on dial-up.  It could not even load my website to approve the timecards.  I waited until the $5 point. 


SLY: “That’s it, I am done.  I could have spent this $5 on a 10.5 ounces of Pliny The Younger and still had $.50 left over.”


I felt betrayed by our capitalistic economic model, but it actually gave me a great business idea for the skid rows of America .


Business idea: Pay-to-watch free porn on www.pornhub.com


Here me out. 


The customers who would frequent this abomination of an establishment would;


A. Be in the lowest rung of social class.

B. Not be aware that cable internet exists.

C. Not be able to justify a cover charge at a gentlemen’s club.

D. Spend all their money on booze and debauchery.

E. Not qualify for a ATM card.

F. Have never heard of www.pornhub.com, therefore believing the site is a gift from God.


Wheelhouse Demographic

Give me a cheap 1000sq foot empty space, 10 private stalls, 10 computers with their homepages all set on pornhub, and let the fine gentlemen have at it.


Nothing better than DSL will be used, I want a 5 minute video to load in 10 minutes and payments to be collected before they start (Learned from the Bunnyranch).


The price per minute will be reasonably set at $2 per minute.  I expect most customers to not allow their video to fully load before they blow theirs.  The revenue goal per customer will be $10.


That’s it, I am going to hell.


Alright, let’s get back to the beer.


After I surrendered $5 to FedEx Office we headed back into line at Russian River Brewery at 10:00am. 


We were now second in line. 


By the time the doors opened at 11:00am the line was stretched out to about 100 thirsty souls.


We sat down and I asked the bartender if my favorite beer was available.


SLY:  “Do you have the Silver Bullet on draft?”


Server: “Um, No.”


I could not tell if he thought I was serious.  Well played sir.


SLY: “Oh, ok, we will have three of those Pliny The Youngers.”


First Round of 2011 

The Pliny’s looked and smelled amazing.  They were just as I remembered from the past year, almost perfection.  The abv this year was a tad down this year from 11% to 10.25%.

The first one went down all to fast…and so did the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th.


At last count, RT had 5 while LJ and I had 6.


RT and I recognized two friends; well we thought we recognized the two people.  We debated whether they were indeed our friends.


Yes, we were now very intoxicated.  


I walked over to the table that may or may not be our friends.  I was as confident as Barry Zito laying down a sac bunt attempt (I had to throw in a baseball reference), which is to say (for you non-stitch heads) very confident (Zete’s led the team in sac bunts in 2010).


Is it bad when all my good Barry Zito references have nothing to do with pitching? 


The two people were indeed our friends, RT and I shared a few pleasantries before heading back to our table.


Holly Ravioli Batman.


Pliny The Younger officially hit LJ.  Her head was on the table.  She was out. 


It was time to leave.


RT and I wanted to kill a little time to sober up before we headed back to Pop’s house.  I choose “Sweet Spot”, a bar right down the street. 


I ordered a Guinness to sober up.  I am part Irish, it is allowed.


RT and LJ each ordered a beer against their better judgment. 


RT took a few sips and headed to the bathroom.  LJ took a sip or two between her naps at the bar.


Bartender: “She can’t sleep at the bar.”


SLY: “She’s cool, she’s had a long day.”


Bartender: “It is 2:30pm.”


SLY: “She got up really early?”


RT returned from the bar.  He did not say much. 


It was my turn to use the facilities.  I walked in and smelt the sour stench of vomit.


There is a reason we have bestowed the nickname of “Yack” upon RT.


RT: “Yeah, that was me.”


SLY: “It is time to leave.”


I managed to get us home safely.  RT lived up to his nickname once more as he walked from the car to inside the house.


We were all passed out before 4:00pm.


Pops arrived home.


Pops: “What the heck happened to you guys?”


SLY: “Pliny The Younger.”


It was official, Younger 1 The Three Bs 0.


On a side note, LJ claimed blackout status.  I believe her.


Round 2: 2/13/11.


Round 2 came about because KJ, Dante, and Pops were all unable to attend Round 1.


We were 9th in line at 10:00am Sunday morning.  I did my homework during Round 1 and asked our server what time we should show up.


He was right, by opening at 11:00am the line was easily 200 thirsty fellows long.


It was on, again.


The Youngers went down just as smoothly as two days prior. 


I had a game plan to drink a maximum of 3.   I diverged from the game plan. 


Dante led the way with 5, and KJ, Pops, and I had 4 each.

The Real Dante Hicks


We left Russian River Brewery happy and drunk.  Sweet Spot was patronized for a brew.  It was Déjà vu, a glitch in the Matrix. 


There were animal origami dollar bills next to the handles of beer.


I stole them.  I think I made $6 out of the deal.


Alcohol can alter ones judgment.


Pops drove us home but made one more pit stop.  A local Irish bar.  A round of Guinness and a game of pool apparently were on the agenda.


The teams were set as Dante and SLY versus Pops and KJ.


It was an epic battle of drunken pool shooting.  There were no sharks in this game, just guppies.


I went on a little run and had a shot to win the game.  I called my pocket, chalked the cue, reared back, and let her rip.


My aim and stroke were true.  The 8-ball fell into the correct pocket…followed by the cue ball. 


Pops cheered like a little school girl.


I hate losing.


We finished up our Irish water and Pops got us home safe. 


Pops had Rib-Eyes on the dinner menu.  How much better does food taste when you are intoxicated?


Dante and I decided to shoot the basketball around while the food was being prepared.  After a few half hearted shots the ball became stuck in the net.  I couldn’t jump and reach it (It is not my fault, I am short and white.).


Dante became the ball hero.  He jumped. He missed.  He jumped again.  He missed again.  It was agitating him.  He mustered up one more effort. Dante lowered his legs and exploded towards the sky. The explosion accounted for an extra 2.5 inches of vertical leap which allowed him to scrape the ball with his hand which subsequently broke the balls inertia and allowed the ball to fall harmlessly to the ground.


Dante was another story.




Dante’s elbow was the first body part to hit the pavement.  It wasn’t pretty and blood was shed.


We should have just grabbed a broom.


Again, alcohol clouds judgment and athleticism.


Dante and I went inside to watch the basketball game on television.  This was not a safer option.  A 16oz glass was broken minutes later.  Shards of glass were all over the living room.


Alcohol deteriorates motor skills.


Dinner was served.  The steaks looked and smelled amazing.  They were still raw.  KJ is as good as it comes on the grill but…


Alcohol clouds judgment.


Pops took two bites of his steak before retiring to his room, never to be seen again.


Dante and KJ eventually found the courage to drive home.


I was asleep by 8:30PM.


I was up at 5:30AM the next day, Pops was making breakfast.


Pops: “I don’t remember anything from last night. Did we cook the steaks?”


SLY: “Wow, you had two bites before passing out.”


Pops: “That stuff (Pliny The Younger) is dangerous.”


SLY: “You said it.”


Pliny The Younger 2 The Three Bs 0.


Pliny The Younger 2011 Versus The Three Bs Recap:


Pliny The Youngers consumed: 34


Verified “Yacks” from RT: 2


Blackouts: 2 (LJ and Pops)


The yearly release of Pliny The Younger is an event that I will not miss.  It is a tradition that brings together many of the elements that make life so efffing amazing.  Great people, beer, food, adventure, and decisions we can look back on and laugh. 


Good times.


Quote of the year (thus far):


Dante Hicks: “I never listen to what my body tells me, I just grab another beer.”

The $200 French Fries

Saturday, March 27, 2010

7:30 A.M.


“Scottsdale PD, OPEN THE DOOR!”

RT:  “B.S.”

I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the door.

SLY: “Not B.S.”

RT: “Fuhhhhhhhk.”

How did it come to this?

French fries were involved 

Apparently, there are rules in Arizona.

laws- buy sell.gif 

This seems fitting for Arizona.

The annual pilgrimage to Spring Training started with a 4:00am wake-up call on Thursday, the 25th. We (RT and I) had the first flight out of San Jose to Phoenix at 6:30A.M.  We were past security by 5:20 A.M.

We tried to order beers with breakfast.

I hate stupid California laws (alcohol cannot be purchased until 6:00 A.M.).

After the beer-less breakfast we bought a couple Red Bulls for the flight. 

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. 

Thanks for that Moto Skipper.  I live by it.

Our flight was airborne on time, we were ready to get the vacation started.

SLY: “Four vodkas please.”

Male Flight Attendant: “Are you two with that group?”

“That group” was a few rowdy Gigantes fans sitting three rows in front of us who were also in the vacation spirit.

RT and I pulled out our Red Bulls. 

Our airline neighbor: “You two are prepared.”

SLY: “Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.”

KJ picked us up from the airport.  We went back to KJ’s hotel as it was far too early for us to check into ours.

We had three hours to kill before heading to the first game of the day (M’s and Indians in Goodyear, AZ).

We did what we always do for pre-gaming before a day game.  We drank beermosas (Blue moon and OJ).  We drink beermossas because they are delicious and are healthier than drinking a plain beer. 


I love beermosas they’re sooo delicious, soooo delicious!

Our Group (SLY, RT, KJ, Kate, KTbug) made our way to Goodyear, AZ.  We observed many people performing actions that are illegal in California but aparently are acceptable in Arizona.  We decided to list them.

1.) Talking on a cell phone without a hands free device while driving! 

2.) Motorcycle riders without helmets.

3.) People riding in the bed of pick-up trucks.

4.) No seatbelts.

This was a fun game.  I was sure we would add a few more as this trip went on.

We agreed the laws in Arizona are more like guidelines.  I figured all these laws are enforced like chewing tobacco (disgusting) in college baseball; it is illegal, but tolerated.

Once we got to the parking lot we met up with KJ’s uncle, Jim Jones (Not the leader of The People’s Temple!!) and Friend (Tim). 


Uncle Jim.jpg

Uncle Jim and I share the same favorite hour of the day, happy hour. 

Uncle Jim and Tim were awesome.  Both are baseball lunatics and Uncle Jim is also an author.  I recommend checking out Jim’s website (www.ballparksacrossamerica.com).  I decided it would be my duty to ensure Uncle Jim (Tim declined the beer service) was never beer-less.

While pre-gaming (drinking) in the parking lot we were able to add a couple more laws in California which were not enforced in Arizona to our list.

There were no Port-O-Lets in the parking lot.  I had to relieve myself between a couple cars.

5.  Public urination.  A U.I.P. (urinating in public) cost RT $167.50 in California. 


I swear I did not go on a car. I respect other’s property.

A police officer came up to us in the parking lot.  Kate is only 18, and she was pre-gaming.

Uncle Jim: “Oh S#*t.”

We were about to be carded.  I don’t know what the penalty is for underage drinking in Arizona.  More importantly, I do not know what the penalty is for supplying an underage person with alcohol.  I was about to have my veil of ignorance removed.

The Officer looked at RT and said “Can you place that bottle of beer into a plastic cup.  We don’t want to have glass in the parking lot.  Cans are fine.”

RT: “No problem.”

Police Officer: “Thanks guys, have a good day.”

The police officer left.  We all let out a collective sigh.

Uncle Jim: “We dodged a bullet there.”

There are no laws in Arizona! 


I can do what I want.png

Add underage drinking to the list!

6.) Underage drinking.

baby drinking.jpg 

We had great seats (about 10 rows behind home plate) and King Felix was on the bump.  I kept my duty to Uncle Jim through the bottom of the 7th inning.  We talked baseball and fantasy baseball for the entire game.  The conversation was the main attraction and the game was pleasant secondary entertainment. 

I cannot remember who won the game.   I just remember it was a blast.

KJ drove us over to our hotel in Scottsdale to check in and for all of us to get a much needed nap before the second game (Gigantes vs. Athletics).  Our hotel (Papago Inn) was straight out of the late 70s.  I love shag carpet.  Whatever, it was close to Scottsdale Stadium.  It would serve our purpose.

I was able to catch a few ZZZs, even if I wasn’t on the bed.

Passed on on ground.jpg 

As I remember, this was more comfortable than it looked.

We (RT, KJ, and I) knew we were going to dress up for this game.  KJ, RT, and I were all rocking our Gigantes jerseys.  It was a repeat of Halloween (minus the baseball pants).  I was Lincecum (complete with wig), RT was Zito, and KJ was Cain. 

We should have parked in the player’s parking lot.


big three.jpg 

We were popular at the yard.

The big three ended up taking a lot of pictures with other Gigantes fans.  KJ and I were told repeatedly that we look like our counterparts.  KJ does look like Cain.  I do not look like Lincecum.  I am much better looking.

One Gigantes fan asked how we picked which Gigante we would be.  RT gave him an answer.   I cut him off when it came to me.

RT: “I am Zito because I make the most money.  KJ is Cain because he is the biggest.  SLY is Lincecum because…”

SLY: “I have the most talent (BTW, not true).”

The game was sold out.  We had to hang out on the burm (in the grassy area beyond the outfield wall).  The burm was packed, it was impossible to get a good seat.  It was hard to follow the game as we were so far away.   I ended up making lots of new friends out in the burm, mainly due to my Timmy wig.   

KJ,  KTbug, and Kate left early as the day drinking and sun wiped them out.  RT and I were still going strong, even though we were showing some wear and tear.  My eyes were completely bloodshot and RT’s eyes were half closed. 



Too much sun and booze will do this to you.

The “Idiot Tax” should have been applied to RT and I.

Los Gigantes won the game.  I have to be completely honest.  This was the least amount of baseball I have watched at a baseball game.  I had to look the score up the next day.  Yeah, it was that bad.

RT and I went to Dos Gringos (Bar, surprised?) after the game.  The name was fitting (KJ was gone, it was down to RT and I), in San Jose there is a bar named Tres Gringos  (we are usually the only gringos there) which we used to patronize often in college.

Dos Gringos was selling $.50 Coronas, which led to one more unenforced law to add to our list.   

7.) Public intoxication

We stayed until 1:00 A.M. 

Long day… We did not have trouble falling asleep.


Friday, March 26th 2010

RT and I (KJ and crew had other plans) made our way to the ballpark around noon for Gigantes/Angels.  We didn’t have tickets, the game was sold out, and Lincecum was going to pitch.  Tickets were going to be expensive.  We had to find a scalper. 

I have rules for purchasing tickets from scalpers.


ticket scalper.jpg

1.) The scalper must appear over the age of 35. 

2.) He (I have never seen a woman scalper) must look ragged or worn.

3.) Preferably not Caucasian.  I’ve had negative experiences with Caucasian scalpers.

4.) Buy the tickets one or two blocks from the stadium.

5.) Don’t let KJ negotiate, in this case, RT.

I found a scalper who met most of the criteria.  There was not much negotiating.  We paid $100 for our two seats (12 rows back, just left of home plate).  RT and I graduated college (Get up, show up, and keep up) and understand supply and demand. 

We were competing with many fans for seats.  We don’t like to lose. 

RT and I went through the gates and we got breakfast, a hot dog and beer. 

I took one sip of beer and immediately realized my body did not recover during my slumber.

SLY: “Dude, I feel re-drunk after one sip.”

RT:  “I was thinking the exact same thing.”

That ended up being our only beer of the game.  We needed a break, and wanted to follow the game.

We read that Kevin Frandsen got shipped off to Beantown for a player-to-be-named and/or cash considerations.  My SJSU connection to Los Gigantes is now gone.  We alerted a few fans who were talking about Frandsen.  I guess not everyone checks www.mlbtraderumors.com for updates every 15 minutes.

Lincecum looked like himself minus his exceptional control.  He had 5ks in 4 innings.  His change piece was in mid-season form.  Tim made Godzilla (Matsui) look like a little challenger (Mentaly Challenged) player, twice.  He was also stealing strikes with his hook (Lincecum stealing strikes is a scary thought).

Andres Torres was the best player in the starting lineup for Los Gigantes.  I hope this guy gets at-bats against lefties this year.  He was a monster right handed (He’s a swtich hitter) in limited at bats last year with a line of .338/.397/.718.  Nobody expects Torres to match that slugging percentage, but his speed makes positive plays happen.  I also love his all-out hustle, he is fun to watch.

We got to see Buster Posey get a big at-bat in the bottom of the 8th.  Buster hit a ground rule double to right center, it was impressive.  If the kid doesn’t go north with the big club, he will be there shortly. 

Steve Holm had the game winning hit.  Los Gigantes beat the halos 5-3. 

This win made up for 2002.

RT and I headed back to our hotel for some NCAA tourney viewing and rest.  We got plenty of both.  We woke up around 10:00 P.M. and headed to a bar.

RT and I had a great time in Old Scottsdale.  We made many new friends. 

People from the mid-west are quite possibly the nicest people in the world. 

We drank $3 Red Bull Vodkas, yes we drank too much.  We got a cab after the bars closed and headed towards our hotel. 

Then it happened.

We saw the golden arches.  They looked marvelous in our drunken minds.  RT and I were on the same drunken wave length.  We made the cabbie go through the drive-through.


golden arches.jpg

Drunk food at 2:45 A.M. always sounds like a great idea.  This was anything but.

We devoured our food when we got back to the room.  All I had left was the fries.  I was just about done when I decided it was good idea to finish them on the balcony outside our room.  I had about three fries left when I decided I no longer wanted to put anymore of the fried slices of potatoes in my body.  I was done with them.  I threw the remaining fries over the balcony and walked back inside to get ready for bed.

Two minutes later, as I was brushing my teeth there was loud pounding on our door.  This was not a friendly knock.  I glanced through the peep hole.

SLY: “There’s a guy out there, he looks pissed.”

RT:  “What did you do?”

SLY: “I threw a few fries over the balcony.”

I immediately turned off all the lights (So the man would think we weren’t there.  It made sense to my drunken brain.).  We jumped in our beds hiding from the angry man just outside the door.  He pounded on the door for another 20 minutes before giving up.

Our hotel phone rang.  It continued to ring.  We were not going to answer the phone.

RT’s cell phone, he answered.  

Drunks are not smart.

It was the Hotel Manager (the man who pounded on our door).  He asked if we were in our room.  RT did what we learned in college. 

Deny, deny, deny, and deny some more.

RT told the Angry Hotel Manager t that we were in Tempe trying to make our way back from a bar.  We thought he bought it.  We passed out.  It was 3:30 A.M.

7:30 A.M.


“Scottsdale PD, OPEN THE DOOR!”

RT:  “B.S.”

I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the door.

SLY: “Not B.S.”

RT: “Fuhhhhhhhk.”

I opened the door and was greeted by three officers.  Two male and one fe-MALE (she wanted to be a dude).


cops in hotel.jpg

Bad Boy, Bad boys, Watcha gonna do when they come for you?

Scottsdale’s finest told RT and I to both come out and take a seat.  We were both wearing our boxers.  It was like an episode of cops, except we weren’t 50 pounds over or under weight and we weren’t on meth.  We were still rather intoxicated.

I have seen the “Locked up” show on TV.  I would never last or enjoy being in jail.  I am not like Oscar from “The Office”.


becasue of gay.jpg

You know, because of gay?

The Angry Hotel Manager started to yell mean things at us. Some of his statements were true, others were not. He told the officers there were three culprits (It was only RT and I).  The officers then took over and began to question us.  We both stated that we were in Tempe until 4 A.M. 

I knew we were not in real “trouble” with the law.  I mean, there are no laws in Arizona!  The officers alerted us that the Hotel Manager was hit in the head by French Fries.  He was evicting us from the hotel.  He does have the right to refuse service.  We had to get our belongings and leave the property. 

My only question (besides why did I throw the fries?); what was the Hotel Manager doing walking around the courtyard at 3:30 A.M.?

The Officers were cool about the whole situation.  They were joking with us as they escorted us out and gave us tips on what hotels to check out.  I turned to RT and said:

SLY: “Apparently, there are rules in Arizona.”

RT: “Apparently.”

Finding a new hotel wasn’t a problem.  RT was on his blackberry and booked us a hotel on the same street before we were out of the lobby.  We got in the cab and gave the address to the driver. 

The driver drove and continued to drive down Scottsdale Ave.  The street never ended.  The new hotel was 8 miles down the road.  It was a $20 cab ride.

RT: “Maybe I should have google mapped it.”

I was in no place to be upset.  It was my fault we were in this stupid situation.

We arrived at the new hotel at 8:15 A.M. and checked it.  The woman at the front desk was awesome.  She got us into a room by 9:00 A.M.  RT wrote a Yelp review on the Papago Inn.  Here is RT’s review from www.yelp.com :

I’m sure this was probably a really nice hotel… In 1970. Very disappointing for a three star resort? Resort? Really? The first morning we woke up to a hooker down the hall arguing with the hotel manager. I guess if you’re in Scottsdale on a low budget it  will do the job but I can’t recommend it.

I would have thrown in… The Hotel Manager is scared of red-haired clowns and is a fan of Burger King.

We both fell back asleep.  We woke up at 11:30 A.M.  We were dead tired but we were not going to miss the Gigantes/Angels game in Tempe at 1:00 A.M. 

The fry incident was going to cost us an extra $20 every time we got into a cab since we were 8 miles further from our previous centralized location.

It cost us $60 to get to Tempe Diablo Stadium.

Sorry RT.

This game was also sold out.  We had to find a scalper. 

We found a scalper who met most of my scalper requirements.  He was older, haggard, and we were referred to him by a brotha.  He had to have some cream (scalper slang for great seats).


cash scalper.jpg

Cash is king in the scalper world.  An AMEX Card won’t get you nosebleeds.

Scalper: “$30 a piece for the burm or $60 a piece for 5 rows up down the first base line.”

SLY: “$100 for two down the first base line.”

The scalper walked away.

RT:  “We just paid $60 to get here.  Let’s pay the $60 each to watch the game.”

SLY: “We will take them for $120.”

We paid premium regular season prices for a Cactus League game. 

I do not respect the U.S. Dollar.

We both agreed alcohol would not be in our future.  This was a shame, as Barry Zito was on the hill.  We were letting out first opportunity for the Barry Zito Drinking Game go down the toilet.  No worries, we will have 30+ opportunities during the regular season. 

Zito actually looked sharp in his start.  Zito kept most of the Halo hitters off balance for the first 5 innings.  He fell apart quickly in the 6th before coming out of the game.  He ended up giving 4ER in 5 1/3 innings.

There was amazing moment in the top of the 5th inning.  Big Money hit a bases loaded clearing double to give los Gigantes the lead. 

There was a loud Gigantes fan that started chanting “Scoreboard…Scoreboard…Scoreboard”.

A few smart Halo fans responded back “2002…2002…2002.” 

I relived game Six for a moment.  I threw up in my mouth. 

Here was the amazing part.  I knew…errr (RT) recognized the idiot chanting “scoreboard”.  RT and I recognized this idiot from a spring training game in 2009.  He was heckling J.J. Hardy and Casey McGehee.  This was the highlight of the day.

Here is picture of the guy from 2009. He was wearing the same style Hawaiian shirt this year.



McGGHHHEEEEEHHHHEEEEEEEE and JJ HARRRDDDDLYYYY!!!!! (His heckles from 2009 Cactus League)

After watching three games I am rooting for John Bowker to get most of the starting at-bats in final outfield spot.  Bowker has out-played Nate Schierholtz this spring.  Schierholtz has looked lost in his at-bats.  He was late on hard stuff and ahead of the off-speed pitches.  Schierholtz is the superior defensive player and can still take over late inning situations.  Los Gigantes needs all the offense they can get.  Give Bowker the majority of the at-bats and see what he can do.

Los Gigantes lost by a run and we left before we had to hear more about the 2002 World Series.  I somehow negotiated a cab ride back to our hotel for a flat rate of $40.  Score for SLY.  The ride should have been around $75 with the traffic we experienced.

We then headed straight to our room and slept for the next 12-14 hours.  I was even too tired to say anything derogatory to a few Dodger fans in the lobby.

Put a fork in us. 



We were done.

What did I learn on this trip?

There are many laws you can ignore Arizona, throwing fries, though not a law, should be avoided.

Being a drunken idiot and throwing three fries cost an extra $200 (hotel + extra cab fare).  That was my first $200 meal of my life.  The next time I want to spend $200 on a meal I will order some Dom Perignon with my fries. 

I never want to hear Banging on a door again. 

Please use the doorbell.