Tagged: Jesus

A Bad Off Day



Have you ever had a day which went horrible but then when you look back and it could have been a lot worse?


That was my Monday.


I woke up on Monday with my eyes a shade of red which would have made Joseph Stalin blush.I arrived to work and tried to have as little contact with other employees and customers as possible. I had no idea what was wrong with my eyes.I thought about using WebMD.com for a self diagnosis but I didn’t feel like reading my obituary.WebMD seems to always come up with a diagnosis which is in need of immediate emergency care.


A Doctor’s appointment was made for later in the afternoon.


I filled out my new patient paperwork when I arrived at the doctor’s office.I saw a familiar face in the back of the office.


SLY: “Is that the Doctor?”


Receptionist: “Why yes, it is.”


SLY: “Funny, I know him. He is a customer of mine.”


Receptionist: “Where do you work?”


SLY: “Uh, the Casino.”


Dang it, I probably shouldn’t have called out the doctor before he sees me.


Doctor: “Whoa!” (As the Doctor entered the patient room)


I made sure to give the Doctor his proper respects by referring to him as Dr. (insert last name here), instead of the initials I have known him as for the last two years as a customer.


Doctor (insert last name here) had a surprisingly great personality.He was also a huge baseball and Gigantes fan.


Maybe that’s why I liked him.


Turns out I had some crazy allergies, much better than the diagnosis I would have received on WebMD.It took 27 years, but I finally experienced what so many of my family and friends complain of each year.


I now feel your pain in my eyes and wallet.The three prescriptions clocked in at $125.

Why do I pay for health insurance?


I arrived home in a bitter mood because of the cash spent on the prescriptions, the allergies, and there was no Gigantes game to look forward to.


The bitter mood soon turned to panic.


I noticed some water on the street in front of my house.I looked a little closer, it was not “some” water, it was a lot of water. Water was pouring into the street.I then heard an odd sound; it was the sound of water shooting into the air.I looked in horror as I saw what resembled “Old Faithful” in my backyard.


Water was shooting about 15 feet in the air.It was impressive.I would have taken time to snap a picture ff it wasn’t for the fact it was destroying the home I owe so much money on.


I threw off my suit, grabbed shorts, a shirt, and shoes I knew would be ruined.I ran to the backyard which was now 6-8 inches under water.I found the broken pipe, and was unable to stop Old Faithful.


I ran to the front of the house and turned off the main water supply.I looked like I just walked out of a swimming pool as I stood in shock on the sidewalk.


As I stood there soaked and dumbfounded, a lady walked past me with her dog.


LadyiWantedtoPunch: “Oh, Water.”


She then proceeded to lightly jump over the little puddle that was in her path.


I wanted to scream and curse her.


Look at me, almost grown up and able to deal with others.


I naturally called my Home Warranty company to fix my little water problem.


Turns out, the Home Warranty company (Fidelity Home Warranty) only covers incidents inside the actual home.


Thank you, I will now cancel your service.


I was unable to secure a plumber for Monday night.I would have brought out the soap and shampoo when Old Faithful was erupting if I known that would be the case.


A plumber arrived on Tuesday morning.I was expecting a hefty bill to fix the pipe.I acted like it was an easy fix to the plumber, and it was.$90 and 10 minutes later, my pipe was repaired.


As the plumber left he showed me where I could have shut off the water for only outside.


I felt like I belonged on the short bus.


I took a shower to wash off the shame of my home owner incompetence before work.


All in All the day could have been worse.My eyes could have had an un-curable new strain of pinkeye and my house could have been completely flooded.


I’ll take the $215 tab and shame of not knowing how my home functions.


I hate off-days.

Your Playoff Beard is Weird

I have never
been to a Gigantes playoff game where they were victorious. 
I am 0 for 2.

I went to
those games as a child. 

I am now
legally able to purchase alcoholic beverages, which makes me a man.

I stated in
the previous post I was going to dye my beard ala B-Jeezy .

I went for
it, big time.

I rushed
home from work around 2:00pm last Thursday. 
The Just for Men was ready to
rock.  The color was labeled as REAL BLACK.  (That’s why it looks so damn good on men,
words don’t lie.)  

Just-for-Men real black.jpg

5 Easy Minutes? I think not.

I quickly read the
instructions.  I figured I’ve seen the commercials
enough where my man instincts would take over. 
I mixed the color and went to town on my beard.  I then proceeded to make a fatal JFM booboo.  One month before my 27th day of
birth, my beard still comes in patchy.  

beard me smaller.jpg

thought it’d be a good idea to brush the patchy areas with the color brush.  I had 5 minutes to kill (downed a beer) while
the color set.  I was surprised how much
the JFM stung my face.  I wonder if
B-Jeezy had the same experience.

The painful
5 minutes ended and I jumped into the shower. 
I got out and was met with hysterical laughter from Lj.  My patchy spots were still filled in with the
real black color of JFM.

batter up tn.jpg

Holy Mother Effing
Toledo Uranus Saturn Christo.

I looked

That’s what
I kept telling myself.

I freaked
out, Lj told me the dye might stay in my skin for a week.  I had work in 48 hours.  I had JFM regret, but I imagine that’s part
of the experience.

I hastily
grabbed some household items that may remove the dye from my skin. 

The items

1. Make-up

2. Nail
polish removal.

3. K-Y Warming
Sensation Lube (Awkward…)

4. Tattoo

5. Proactiv
daily scrub

I had to own
it; the dye was here to stay.

I wasn’t planning
on wearing the Timmy wig and Jersey, but hell, might as well go all out.

I put the
outfit on and looked in the mirror.

The reflection
showed equal parts Tim Lincecum, Jesus Christo, and Brian Wilson.

 timmy jesus wilson.jpg

Timmy Jesus

The gang
loaded into the vehicle and we were off to Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park.  Lj asked me to get sunglasses out of the
center console. 

My thought process: I
am driving, why doesn’t Lj grab the glasses. 

I opened the console and found an item with the glasses, a
freakin Smirnoff Ice.    

Lj and KJ
thought this was hilarious.

Holy Mother Effing
Toledo Uranus Saturn Christo.

SLY: “I am
not drinking this until we get there.”

KJ: “I’ll
keep it warm for ya.”

KJ took the Smirnoff
Ice and proceeded to place the bottle under his butt to insure safe keeping.

Thanks KJ.

When arrived
at the parking lot, I got on one knee and accepted my icing like a champ. 

iced beard tn.jpg

The group
walking by us laughed rather hard.  I don’t
know if they laughed at my appearance or the icing, possibly a combination of

Pete’s was
on our pregame agenda.

Grandparents were also attending the game and were to meet us at Petes.

Here is all
you need to know about my Grandparents. 

My Grandmother
on my Grandfather and his alcohol consumption:

Grandmama: “Your
Grandfather may not be able to walk or talk, but he can always drive us home.”

drunk couple.jpg

I love my

When we met
them at the bar they already had a table and drink.  My Grandmother did not recognize me.  Once she realized it was me, she told me “I
was sooo ugly” about 12 times in 25 minutes. 

this guy (beard) tn.jpg

How is this mug ugly?

My G-Parents
are no rookies at the bar scene.  My
Grandpa ordered a Jack on the rocks and my Grandma ordered a white zin. 

My Grandpa
also brought a 13oz flask of Jack.  My
Grandma brought a jug of wine.  They
continued to re-fill their glass.


After the
quality pre-game, it was time to get into the park. 

I made notes of things that were said to me because of my appearance. 

Here are the
top comments:

“Fear the

“Your Beard
is weird.”

“Woah, what
happened?” (My response: JFM is more complicated than it looks on TV.)

“Is that

My friend Brad
came up clutch with tickets; they were 4 rows from the field, right past first

Thanks Brad.

Timmy took
the hill and the park took on an electric feel. 

We all know
what happened next.


I had to
write a short poem for the historical performance.

Timm-EE, Timm-EE

All the hitters whine

Butts return to the pine

14 Ks though Nine

Smoke Smoke Celebration Time

Timm-EE, Timm-EE


Timmy in August?  I prayed to Jesus
Christo to end Timmy’s Cy Yuck funk.  Jesus
is obviously a fan of #55.

I was the
guy at the yard who led the booing of Braves fans.  If I spotted a Braves fan, I would stop,
point with two (more manly than one) fingers, and yell “Boooo That Man.”

Booing commenced. 

Braves fan
realized he was not welcome. 

I do not
remember much about the ride home.  I
remember I was one happy boy.

My first playoff
victory made me feel warm and tingly inside. 
I was ready for game two.

October 8th, 2010.

Game 2

A revelation
occurred when I washed my face.  The
toner (step 2) of the Proactiv system took the dye off my face.  I no longer wanted to look like a man with a
sharpie on his face.  I used about $16.36
of Proactiv toner to remove the excess dye from the skin of my face. 

I have been
told by my Hispanic friends that I am an honorary Mexican because of my love of
the food and tequila.  I now looked the
part as well.  Too bad it wasn’t Cinco de

KJ and I left
for the yard after a quick gym session.  We
arrived at the parking lot, and there was no attendant, but we parked
anyways.  We headed to 21st
Amendment for a little pre-game until the attendant could take our money. 

Per usual,
21st Amendment was fantastic, great brews and food.  With our belts loosened and our brains mushy,
we walked back to the parking lot.

There was still
no attendant.

Maybe it was
the 9.7% brews or maybe it was our gambling background.  We made a decision that could drastically
alter our night.


KJ: “Screw
it, let’s roll the dice.”

SLY: “I don’t
think Jack (Attendant’s name) looks at the tickets.  He’s more concerned with dying.”

KJ: “A tow
truck wouldn’t even fit in here.”

SLY: “A parking
ticket is like $45, only $15 more than what they’re charging.”

KJ: “On to

After Pete’s
we made our way into the yard.  We had
the same seats as game one, boooyeeehawwww.

I had total confidence
in Cain, and he dealt. 

I thought the game was over when Pat the Bat went 3-run jimmy jack in the

Bobby Cox
got run for the final time in his hall of fame career.

I was almost
in celebration mode. 

I know,
premature guy.

I continued
to make Braves fans feel uncomfortable for coming into our yard. 

I never felt
better yelling at a grown man.

Brad and I
did start quite a few chants to heckle a Brave.

We heckled a player not
even on the roster, the bullpen catcher.


I don’t know
his first name but his last name was Butts.


The chants
started out harmless.







They started
to get worse…

Brad: “YOU



We started to take requests from other Gigantes fans for chants they wanted to hear with “Butts”
involved.  They ranged from G-NC-17

We had David
Ross in stitches.

A non-fan
friendly Usher told us he was watching us, and we were not permitted to heckle

That was a
buzz kill.

We continued
the chants until the Braves mounted the game tying rally in the 8th.  I was no longer in celebration mode.  Rick Ankiel punched 44,032 Gigantes fans in the stomach.  Doesn’t he know we came to see Los Gigantes win?


punch loss. 

My mind now
wondered if KJ’s truck would still be in the parking lot.  I walked up 2nd Street, turned
down Brannon, and approached the lot.

Gamble paid
off, the truck was still there.

FP was on
fire on the leader during the ride home. 
He was combative and had zero tolerance for poor baseball knowledge from

KJ and I
were angry about the outcome but still had a very positive outlook on the

We got home
around 1:30am.  I had to be at work in 6
hours.  Uggh. 

The beard
was shaved off so I could look somewhat professional at work Saturday
morning.  I did have an awesome 5 O’clock
shadow due to the real blackness of

Sunday, October

Game 3

Sanchez+ Brooks Conrad = Gigantes Victory.

Big ups to
Fred Sanchee for the 2 out hit to extend the 9th inning for
Huff.  That’s why you were brought to the

If I ever
meet Brooks, I am buying that man as many drinks as he needs.  I feel he will be hitting the bottle often
the next couple days, months, and years. 
I hope this series hasn’t ruined his life.  I am dead serious.  His friends need to be on suicide watch. 

I put myself
on suicide watch when I had a horrible game in high school and made a few

is everything in baseball.  It is going
to take him a long time to recover. 

I loved the
result, but feel for the guy. 

October 11th

Game 4

C-Lew joined
KJ and I to watch the game, he brought beer. 
Good man as always.  I arrived in
the 3rd inning, freakin 4:30pm start time.  It was 1-0 Braves.

Lowe was

RT text’d us
how he was pissed the Gigantes were getting no-hit by a guy on three days’
rest.  KJ, C-Lew and I all stated the
same mantra “We’re one pitch away from tying this game.”

inning: Insert Cody Ross, Hero.



New ballgame.

McCann took
MadBum deep to reclaim the lead in the 6th.   McCann
is a straight stud.

This is where
los Gigantes have been so tough all season. 
They scratch, claw, bite, and do any thing possible thing to eke out

Top of the 7th
was no different. 

Who got the
big 2 out hit?

Cody Ross,

Loogy, and Wilson close out the game.

Celebration Time
included a class move to applaud and pay respects to Bobby Cox’s career.

Bring on the

cannot come fast enough.

If you haven’t
seen Ashkon’s “Don’t Stop Beilieving” Gigantes 2010 Anthem, you need to check
it out.  

Honestly.  I am jealous I do not have the talent to do
something like this.

I love the Will
“The Thrill” impersonation.  

Playoff Beards and RE-CON Missions

Top of the 1st, 2 outs, Denorfia on 2nd base, Adrian Gonzalez at the plate:


SLY: “Pitch around A-Gon, don’t let this dude beeee, EFFFFFFFF, OH GOD!!!  Thank you God, Thank you.”


Gonzalez hit a line drive directly at Juan Uribe to end the inning.


KJ: “Dude, you need to relax.”


SLY: “I am relaxed! I am fine.”




I was not, fine.  I was a nervous wreck.  I screamed, moaned, cheered, and acted as the game meant more to the world than peace in the Middle East.


I was calm before the game.  KJ and I had a conversation while the 49ers fumbled (Two words Nate, Ball-Security) their game away about how we were confident in a Gigantes victory. 


C-Lew alerted that he would grace us with his presence for the game.



CLew%20Loverboy.jpg(Remember C-Lew?  Here is a picture to jog the memory)


C-Lew’s impending arrival gave us a chance to plan an “Icing” (Please refer to previous post if you do not understand the term).


I placed a warm Smirnoff Ice on the welcome mat outside the front door.  The sun light added a few tasty degrees to delicious beverage.


Game time.


It was obvious I was a nervous wreck.  KJ threw me a Silver Bullet to relax. 


Bottom One.


Andy Torres got the screw job from Mike Everitt on a ball down the left field line.  The replays showed chalk in the air.


I decided to Hoot & Holler.







The call cost us a run, thanks Mike.  Eff you.  I will forever hate your stinkin’ guts.


I have issues.


C-Lew showed up in the 2nd.  KJ and I awaited the icing.

It didn’t happen.  C-Lew came in through the slider.


Gosh-dang it.


C-Lew did bring beer.  Good Man.


All was not lost in the icing department.  I had a plan to ice KJ after los Gigantes won the west. 


I audibled to C-Lew.


I alerted KJ to the audible (I did not tell him the ice was meant for him, but I am sure he knew).  The Ice was placed in front of a bottle of tequila, when C-Lew fetched another round of beers I would ask him to pour up a round of shots.  Icing complete.


Bottom 3:


Mat Latos threw a pitch into the one zone that Dirty Sanchee’s swing path crosses.


Stand-up triple.




Torres could not come through.  With 2 outs, Fred Sanchee could. 


1-0 Gigantes.  High fives, fist pounds, and other male cheering riturals were liberally given to one another.


Aubrey Efffing Huff hits the big double to make it 2-0.


C-Lew heads to the fridge for a fresh cold one.


SLY: “Pour up three rally shots.”


C-Lew: “Where at?”


SLY: “In the cabinet above the bar.”


C-Lew opened the cabinet.


C-Lew: “What the hell is this?” (Referring to the Smirnoff Ice.)


KJ: “HAHAHAHAHAHA, you just got ICED bro.”


C-Lew: “Whhhhhaaaat?”


KJ: “It is a game, where participation is mandatory.”


C-Lew: “What do I have to do?”



KJ: “Get down on one knee, and do not get up until it is finished.”


C-Lew: “Can I get a cold one?”


KJ: “No, it has to be warm.  It is in the rules.”


C-Lew got on one knee and pounded it like a champ.


C-Lew: “You guys still want the shot?”


KJ and SLY: “That’s a silly question.”


Sanchez battled through 5+ and gave way to the bullpen.


The bullpen has been lights out.


Zeros ensued.


Buster Posey locked up the ROY with a solo bomb in the 8th.  He doesn’t have the curtain call thing mastered yet.  He will have time to learn.


On comes B-Weezy.  Easy 1-2-3. 

2010 nl west champs.jpg 


Celebration time.


More enthusiastic male celebratory rituals commenced.


Our celebration continued to the backyard.  Beers were cracked and happy f-bombs were liberally spewed for the entire neighborhood to enjoy.


I hope children were not within earshot. 






We watched the post game celebration, highlighted by Timmy dropping a massive F-Bomb in his interview with AmyG. 



Best piece AmyG has ever been apart of. 


Goodness, I appreciate this postseason birth more than the previous ones in my lifetime.


Los Gigantes re-built their team in year 3AB (After Barry). 


There are zero everday players from the 2007 lineup to the 2010 lineup.


I love pitching.


We came down from our high and cleaned up to go a concert.  My friend (Steve) recently was signed by a record label and had one his first shows with his new band (Dazeafter). 




Steven Robb of Dazeafter


I wanted to show my support and check out the band.


C-Lew had another agenda.




C-Lew is a man of the law.  He saw a group of people who are not law abiding citizens and wanted to do work.


There was a strong presence of H.A.’s at the concert venue.  C-Lew called his co-worker who worked in the gang unit and alerted him of the situation. 






C-Lew got the green light to snap some pictures of the H.A.’s at the show.  He got advice: be careful.


C-Lew brought us into the fold.  He took out his phone and asked us if we could hear the shutter of the camera.


KJ: “Yes, don’t get us killed.”


C-Lew set his camera settings to silent and went on his mission.


Alcohol is an invincibility cloak.


C-Lew is a professional; he was not noticed and did his job well.


He wanted to talk to the local police at the show, he asked us for some advice first.


C-Lew: “Do I sound too intoxicated?”


SLY: “You’re good.  Just slow down your speech pattern and enunciate every syllable.”


…….says the guy who stumbles over his own words stone sober.


C-Lew approached Lodi’s finest; he must have talked too fast and not enunciated very well.  He was back within a minute.


We made our way into the theater.  Dazeafter came on, Steve sounded great, and the band played tight.  Dazeafter is going on tour with Sevendust in February.  Check them out at www.dazeafter.com.


Great job Steve.


We made it home without further incident, I would like to praise Jesus Christo.

Back to los Gigantes, I am fortunate enough to have tickets for all los Gigantes home playoff games.


Thank you Brad.  Who do I have to kill for you?


You think I am joking.


To help los Gigantes on their quest for a World Series title, I am growing a playoff beard, which I will dye jet black with Just for Men in homage to los Gigantes bullpen.


The last time I really went for the playoff beard was 2008 for the San Jose Sharks.  I was in college and I thought it looked fantastic.  One of my professors called me aside after class.


Professor (Woman): “Shaun, you are a good looking kid, but you look horrible.  Why are you growing that thing?”


SLY: “It’s a playoff beard, for the Sharks.”


Professor: “Girls are not going to find you attractive, shave it off.”


I trimmed it when I got home.


My facial hair is two years more mature, the patchiness has improved.


I am going for it.  It will be hideous, and I will love it.


It may be my permanent look if los Gigantes win it all.


Ill be debuting the new look at Pete’s before Game one.


Happy Playoffs.

Hello Postseason, May I come in?

Knock. Knock.


Who’s there?


The Postseason.


Who, what, come again?


The Postseason, I understand we haven’t seen each other in quite some time.


It’s been 7 years.  I didn’t think I would ever see you again.  Champagne to celebrate?



2003 was the last time los Gigantes made a postseason appearance. 


Flashback to 2003:


I was a 20 year old college baseball player, unable to legally purchase alcohol, gamble, or rent a car. 


2003 was also the year I got kicked out of Pac Bell Park when I interfered and “ruined baseball.” 


Skip (Head Baseball Coach at Napa Valley College) gave RT and I his front row bleacher seats over the Yahoo! sign.  The game was 8-1 (Marlins lead) in the bottom of the 7th.  Jeffery Hammonds (who was playing for Barry Lamar) hit a ball deep to left-center field.  The ball was coming straight for us.  It became apparent the ball was going to be a little short (Guess he was the only Gigante not taking advantage of BALCO).  I reached over the fence, and stretched, and then stretched some more.  My torso was completely over the fence with my arm outstretched as far as possible.  The ball hit the edge of the webbing of my PRO-ALMC model SSK and fell down to the warning track.


If Jeffery looked like this, I would have caught the ball and not been humiliated.  

I lifted my torso back up, and was immediately booed by 40,000 Gigantes fans.  The intoxicated bleacher bum in the row behind us began pounding his fist into my back and screamed:


IBB: “You ruined baseball!  You ruined baseball!!”


SLY: “It’s an 8-1 game, it was going to be a double anyways!”


IBB: “You ruined baseball!  You ruined baseball!”


An Usher quickly came to escort me (RT came too) out of the ballpark for “ruining baseball”.  As I was being escorted out, 40,000 people began to cheer. 


I was being cheered, to leave.  Humiliating. 


As I took one look back to the field where I was being banished from, the young leftfielder of the Marlins, Miguel Cabrera gave me an appreciative thumbs up. 


You’re welcome Miguel.


The worst part wasn’t over.


My phone started to ring, and ring, and ring some more.


Dad: “What the hell were you doing?  Kruk circled, and then eliminated you.”

w-krukow + kuiper.jpg


I had this same call throughout the rest of the day.


I was on SportsCenter for the 2nd time (I have now been on 3 times, the third time was almost as embarrassing, another day another blog).


The cherry on top- The next day (Monday) I went to the cafeteria to get some lunch before baseball practice.  As I was purchasing my meal the lunch lady looked at me and said:


“If you are going to go over the fence, catch it, MEAT.”


I have not brought my glove to a professional ballgame since.


To end the 2003 flashback, the Marlins beat los Gigantes in the NLDS and went on to win the World Series.


The Marlins have been in the postseason twice (both Wild Cards) in their 17 year existence, have beaten los Gigantes in the NLDS both times, and went on to win the World Series both times.


Symmetry is disgusting.


Flash forward back to 2010.  Los Gigantes are one Dub-Ya away from poppin’ some bubbly. 


Asta La Bye-Bye Fathers.


Mad-Bum fought though his start for his first W at Pac-Bell/SBC/AT&T Park on Thursday. 


Los Gigantes again scored all of their runs off Jimmy Jacks.  It is as exciting as it is flawed.


…I really want to get back to Wednesday.


Los Gigantes and I had great days.


I was unable to watch the game, as KJ, RT, LJ, and I had tickets to watch the Black Keys perform at the Fox Theater.

Pat the Bat hit the 3-run Jimmy Jack during the opening act (The Black Seeds, solid act).  After the first 2 innings Timmy was in full control, we felt like the game was over.  It was. 


3-1 Gigantes. 


The Black Keys came to the stage.


Holy Smokes (Too bad Timmy couldn’t join in the fun).  

Timmy Smoke.jpg

I got ear EFFF’d by the Black Keys and loved every second of it.


As I enjoyed the love being made to my ears, I was able to draw one comparison between The Black Keys and los Gigantes.


Both played as a team with unparalleled confidence.


Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney are a team, a great team, and they get each other.  They diverge and extend their tracks when they see fit.  As a spectator, you can see them (Dan to Patrick) making eye contact, an unspoken sign that signifies where they will go next.


Los Gigantes are playing their best and most confident baseball of the year.  The 2010 version of los Gigantes has to be one of the best chemistry teams in San Francisco history.


KJ, RT, LJ, and I all left the Fox Theater in a state of nirvana. 


We were really hungry for some reason.


animal in n out.jpg

In N Out to the rescue.





As KJ and I were sitting on the couch during Thursday’s game, we started talking about the postseason roster and who would fill it out.


I asked him and RT to e-mail me their 25 man rosters.  I wanted to see how our rosters stacked up to Boch’s.


KJ and RT’s Roster were identical.  I truly think this is the 25 man roster Bochy will run with.  RT also added that he would add Chris Ray and sub Renteria in the 2nd round.  If los Gigantes are fortunate enough get to the 2nd round, where I expect them to face the Fight’n Phils, I would like to see another lefty in the pen.



































I want to know one item before I make my final decision.  Does Bochy plan on starting Zito in a playoff series?


If Bochy plans on starting Zito, than this is the roster I would run with.


If Bochy does not plan on starting Zito, there is no use for him on this roster.  He cannot come out of the bullpen.  It takes him 50-75 throws to get loose.  I am sure most would agree that Zito is the weak link of our starters. 


If Zito is not used at as a starter, I would add Dan Runzler to the 25 man roster.  Lefty Power arms are scarce; los Gigantes already have one with Jeremy Affeldt, two would be deadly late in games (Phillies anyone?).


By the way, it looks like Jeremy joined the “Just for Men” beard team as well.


It would also be humorous to have $30 million dollars left off the postseason roster (Zito and Rowand).


Bochy will probably name Zito the 2 or 3 starter, citing his experience and MadBum will take the roster spot where I would place Runzler.


We will find out by Tuesday.


The postseason door is open, los Gigantes just have to walk through.


I can almost taste the cheap champagne and beer.




A Gigante Scare and Impossible Expectations.

Lincecum scratched.

Lincecum-scratched.  I do not want to hear or believe those two words could be strung together.

I think I can speak for all Gigantes fans when I say that I think I had a heart attack, a stoke, or any other horrible bodily function which could lead to death.



He’s our hero.  He’s “The Freak”.  He cannot be injured.

Quite honestly I thought Lincecum might have been a robot Bud Selig created.  It would have been Bud’s second (and only second) good idea after implementing the wild card. 

My thought process was this…Bud knew fans were having a hard time identifying with the Incredible Hulk like sluggers such as our beloved Barry Lamar.  Bud invented Tim Lincecum (known as Project55) so fans could reconnect with a super human player of average stature.  Bud was sure to have Timmy make his debut during Barry Lamar’s final season in 2007. 

Perfect planning Bud!

My Dad alerted me Lincecum was scratched. 

I half joking replied with I hope Madison Bumgarner takes his spot.

My Dad informed me Bumgarner was starting.

Holy fing shizzz…. Whhhaat?

An early Christmas gift in September?



Thank you Santa. 

Bumgarner’s hype has been other worldly. 

Here are my expectations for Madison Bumgarner’s career:

 He will be a combination of Cy Young (511 wins), Randy Johnson (4,869 ks), and Jesus (Son of God).  He will also sport Bob Gibson’s 1968 ERA (1.12) for his career.



Madison Bumgarner will become the greatest pitcher and man of all time.


Those expectations seem reasonable.

I wrote a little poem for Mr. Bumgarner.


You can turn water into Wine

You can keep teams hitless through Nine

You can find the cure to the Swine

Please bring a championship before the end of my Time



How’d he do?

He did not keep the Padres hitless.  He did not turn water into wine or find the cure for the Swine flu. 

He did have a successful debut.

5.1in, 5h, 2er, 1bb, and 4ks.

He left with Los Gigantes up 3-2.

He didn’t live up to my expectations.  I can’t belive he didn’t throw a no-no with 16ks.  Jeeze…get rid of the bum!

In all seriousness.  Nice first outing kid.

There were reports he was not throwing in the mid 90s coming in.  Those reports were correct.  He was around 87-91mph for most of the game.  This may be the result of a young kid getting tired at the end of season.  He did show good poise and control. His cross-over step and low 3/4 release appear to be a hard pickup for hitters. 

If this pitching thing doesn’t work out Bumgarner can always pull a Rick Ankiel.  The kid looks like he can swing it.

I don’t want to talk about the outcome of the game.  I am 10 minutes away from Tylenol Pm’n myself to sleep.  

Losses like this keep me awake.



I am not productive at work without adequate sleep.



I have one final topic to hit on.

The new batting helmets.



David Wright and Edgar Gonzalez both went on the DL after taking pitches to their beans.  In their first at bats off the DL they were sporting some new head wear. Wright only used it for a few ABs while Gonzalez continues to don the new helmet.  Gonzalez does switch it (the new helmet) out for the old helmet while on the bases. 




I’ve seen that helmet before.  Where was that from…..ohhh, got it!



I understand these helmets will protect the melons better than the current models but they look too cartoonish.  

My friend (RT) and I came up with some other uses for the new melon protectors.

Solider (combat) helmets.  I am fairly certain they could take a direct hit from a missile.

Motorcycle helmet. Hey, it looks cool! 

Race car driver helmet. 

Special needs person helmet. I am serious- I am not an A-hole. 

Life Size Bobble head models.  Put it on anyone and have them just bob their head … Perfect.

My friends and I play in an Adult Baseball League.  I joked that I would buy the new helmets for our team (if they didn’t cost $90 each!).

RT said he’d sport one.  As long as it was ONLY in a Scandia batting cage.  RT and I know how wild the Scandia pitching machines can be. 

F U SCANDIA “High Heat” pitching machine in March of 2000.

I am sure only RT will understand that.


I am off to pass out in a Tylenol PM coma.


Barry Zito Day Drinking Game Tomorrow.