Tagged: Aubrey Huff

Johnny Chez Drinking Game and OBL/Obama Photo Theories

 

Please Check Out http://The-Three-Bs.com for all the photos and unedited content. Thanks- Shaun

 

5/5/11

 

Happy Cinco de Drinko!  In honor of the 2nd best drinking holiday of the year, The Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez Drinking Game has been unveiled.

 

I was unable to participate or score the game as I had to work.  A quick look at the box score shows about 8 ½ beers (not including looks from J. Sanchez or Bochy).

 

This game may be just as lethal as the BZDG. 

 

Gigantes fans cannot complain with a 5-5 road trip considering how futile the offense was.  We all envisioned Mike Fontenot penciled (I hope that is Bochy’s writing tool of choice) in the three hole. 

 

The sad part about Fontenot hitting 3rd is that is where he should be hitting at the moment.  Lil man is rocking .892 OPS, which leads all players who are not on the DL named Pablo Sandoval.

 

A Late Acknowledgement

 

I have to give a late acknowledgement to the great Kenstrodaumas on his end of game prediction during Saturday’s Angels/Rays game. 

 

With two outs in the bottom of the 10th inning, Fernando Rodney faced (the recently DFA’d) Felipe Lopez with Matt Joyce on 3rd base.

 

KJ: “Wild Pitch, game over.”

 

Rodney threw a fastball which Hank Conger could not backhand, the ball went to the backstop, and Matt Joyce scored the game winner.

 

KJ: “Told you.”

 

KJ has a knack for these kinds of things, it is scary.  There has to be someway I can exploit this for a monetary gain.

 

Say Cheese OBL!

 

President Obama decided not to release photos of Osama bin Laden’s corpse.  I have a couple of theories on why President Obama held the photos back.

 

1.  President Obama wants to show the Right Wingers that he a Capitalist!

 

The President will open a bidding war between the tabloids and other news publications all over the world for the rights to the photos.

 

That would end all the socialist talk.

 

2.  The photos will be released on November 2nd 2012.

 

After all, he is a Politician.  It will help the exit poll numbers.

 

The Daily Bs 5/4

For all the unedited content and photos, please go to http://The-Three-Bs.com. -Shaun

 

5/4/11

 

That’s all it took? One night of obnoxious inebriation and Huff Daddy is back on track.  I penned a note to Mr. Huff to remind him how to succeed on the field.

 

Dear Aubrey,

 

Please get drunk and act like me more often at Playoff Hockey games.  It is good for the ball club.

 

Sincerely,

 

Shaun Lauren Yaple

 

 

Jose Reyes must not want to be part of Los Gigantes

 

Jose Reyes went 3×3 with 3 BB in yesterday’s game.  The impressive performance prompted Sandy Alderson to call Brian Sabean and ask for three more mid-level prospects in addition to Zach Wheeler.

Fine Sandy, I’ll throw in Charlie Culberson. 

 

Jose will need to tone it down if he wants to be part of the defending World Champs.  His play may price himself out of what Sabean is willing to give up.

 

Timmy should help Los Gigantes in two ways tonight:

 

1. Get a W.

 

2. Give Reyes the collar, which will allow Sabean to remove one of the mid-level prospects in the Zach Wheeler plus others for Jose Reyes trade.

 

Insensitive Joke of the Day

 

KJ: “You hear about the new Osama bin Laden drink?”

 

SLY: “Nope.”

 

KJ: “A shot of any alcohol followed by a splash of water.”

 

 

Happy Lincecum Day!

Opening Day Diary

For Daily Updates

Please Check Out http://The-Three-Bs.com

 

 

Los Gigantes Home Opener 4/9/11

 

I had my real world job to perform during Opening Day last Friday.  Lucky for me, RT had the day off.  He agreed to do a running diary during the game.  My thoughts are in italics under his.

 

11:58am: Beer numero uno.

 

Lucky ******* sitting on his couch while I try to sneak glances at the Television.

 

12:17pm: Ray Ratto is wearing a hideous sweater.

 

It is almost to the point where Ratto is like Craig Sager.  I can’t wait to see what he is wearing.  If Ratto ever wears a yellow corduroy sweater, my head will explode.

 

12:35pm: Bull Neukom’s sport coat is older than Willie Mays and uglier than Amy G.

 

Agreed.

12:37pm: Beer Numero dos.

 

Really? You have the day off and you are on a 39 minute per beer pace.  It takes no talent to go at your best speed at a high speed.  I am disappointed in my brother at the moment.

12:40pm. I wish I had tickets.  My *** won’t leave the couch for the next 3 hours.

 

Make that 4 hours and 24 minutes.


12:47pm: Oh God, Renel.

 

Now batting….Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Boooonnnnnnnds (ear bleeding levels).

 

12:52 pm: Ashley (girlfriend) is home for lunch. I offer her a beer and she declines.  Beer numero tres.

 

I would have tried sex.  Good to see RT finished the 2nd beer at 15 minutes.  Beer pace lowered to 27 minutes per beer.  I am still disappointed.

12:55 pm: Train? Really? Bands Before games are lame.

 

If Train performing before an opener was the punishment for winning the World Series, I don’t know if it is worth it.


Los Gigantes enter the field from Center.  I hope this becomes a new tradition.

 

I think RT is drunk off 2 ½ beers.  The time stamps have disappeared.


Brian Wilson is the man. “Cooperstown wanted this ball. I told them no. They can have our players but not this ball.”

 

#WorldseriesWinning

 

Nice tribute to Brian Stow with a Beat LA chant. Love it.

 

If Brian Stow does not recover, does he get a patch? I vote yes. 

brian-wilson-raise the banner.jpg

 

Brian Wilson runs out to center to raise the championship banner.  Is it over the top? Maybe, but it is complete awesomeness.  I have Goosebumps.

 

Brian Wilson will be a professional wrestler before he becomes a Ninja Action Movie Star.


Game Time:

 

How pissed is Tony LaRussa?  He had to stand on the field for almost an hour.  There are ceremonies for each of the weekend games as well.  A Gigante may get plunked to send a message to Los Gigantes management to tame down the pre-game ceremonies.

 

-Top 1: Jonathon Sanchez starts the game with a 4 pitch walk. He’ll come back n strike out the side. That is the Sanchez we all know and love.

 

Poor Bochy. I think Sanchez has taken years off his life.  We have inning stamps!

 

Top 2: Uhhh, Huff in the outfield. When is Ross Back? Dammit, 1-0 Cardinals.


aubrey-huff.jpg 

If Belt sticks, Huff will be out there next year as well.  What happened to the best athlete on the team?

 

Bottom 2: Pablo takes two pitches (balls), I pitch a tent, Pablo swings at the next pitch (ball), I lose my tent, Pablo with a base hit, and the tent is re-pitched. 

 

I understand completely.  Where is the cerveza update?  I am kind of living through you at the moment.


Top 3:  Uggg, Huff again.

 

U.G.L.Y.  This is becoming a real problem.

 

Bottom 3: WOOOOOOOOOOHHHOOOO (Tejada bomb).

 

And Tejada becomes the Statue to hit a home run in the Big Leagues.  Why is his home run trot appear so fast, but he looks so slow on everything else?

 

Hell yeah, Jonathon Sanchez with a double.

 

Boom, Freddy Sanchez with his own double.


double double.jpg 

 

Double-Double! Can I trademark the “in-N-out” offense? 

Top 5: Jonathon Sanchez is settled. He looks good.  Burrell makes a great catch as he crashes into the wall.

 

Ummm, what happened to the 4th inning? 

 

Bottom 5:  I stopped counting beers but there are only 2 Coronas left.


beer fridge.jpgFail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail 


The lapses in time are explained!


Top 6: Once again Sanchez can’t get through 6.  The long first did him in.

 

He averaged 5.8 innings per start last year.  You know what you’re getting.

 

Bottom 6: Everytime Burrell is up I think he is going to go deep.  30 seconds later: Boom, Burrell goes El Centro.

 

Belt hits his 1st MLB double!  Put him in the Hall!

Whenever I think about Burrell, I think about him defecating on some girl’s living room because she passed out and couldn’t get with Pat The Bat.

 

Belt goes into the hall in 2032.  Book it.

 

Top 7:  Affeldt looks unhittable.

 

Welcome back 20.09 Version.  20.10 Version was put in the recycle bin.

 

Top 8: Home Depot doing more on defense, yeah Pablo!

 

I guess RT finished his all the beer.  I do not get it.


Top 9: Wilson time. That beard has so much amazing inside.

 

It is so dense it can even support rust.

 

What is that tattoo on Yadier Molina’s neck.  A camera shot zoomed in but I cannot figure it out.


yadier neck tat.jpg 

 

I am not sure what it is, but I know what it signifies: I am a professional athlete. I do what I want.  I will never have to rely on anyone else for employment. 

Walk, infield single and now a HBP to Jon Jay.  This is turning into a typical Wilson save.  I feel a mini ulcer forming.

 

Kaz Matusi at the plate….errr Ryan Theriot doing his best impression.

 

Mother Eff’er (Theriot singles in two. 5-4 Cardinals).

 

That’s not how the Matsui at bat ended last year.

 

Bottom 9: Great, Rowand is hitting for Huff, stupid defensive replacement.  I mean, great job A-Row!

 

Panda comes through!!!  Bonus Baseball!

 

It feels strange to feel confident in Rowand.  I think this happens every April and May.  By June I will completely forget this feeling and loathe his at bats.

 

Top 11: Oh boy, only Runzler left.  He dominates.

 

I have man crushes on lefty relievers who have filthy stuff.  It may be a fetish.


Bottom 11: Torres hits a  leadoff double.  Go start.  Free 90 feet?  Thank you very much.  Lets go F.Sanchee.  Here is the 5 infielder defense.  Get her in the air.  F.Sanchee out.  Rowand has a chance to be the hero two years in a row.

 

At this point, I got off work and went to the bar. I could no longer handle ESPN Gamecast.  See, I need an ipad and Slingbox in my life.  Wow, Great play Allan Craig.

Intentional walks to Posey and Sandoval give DeRosa a chance to beat his former team.

Bat. On. Shoulder.

 

EFFF.

You gotta swing the battttt, you gotttttta swing the batttttttt.  I was just offered a beer.  I accepted.

 

Man at Bar: “Why did you accept my offer now but not 10 minutes ago?”

 

SLY: “Alcohol is a depressant.  I am depressed.”

 

Top 12:  Great inning from Runzler.  That is the Runzler I saw in Spring Training.

 

I am upset I didn’t get to see any Spring Training games.  In related news, my liver thanked me for not attending Spring Training in 2011.

 

Bottom 12:  Here we go. Runners are on the corners with two outs.  Here comes Rowand.  Hammered that, Game Over!


arow hero.jpg 

Two years in a row for A-Row!  Again remind me of how I felt about Rowand in a couple months.

A big thank you to Colby Rasmus for slowing down on that ball, I thought he had a good opportunity to make the play. 

 

tony-larussa-colby-rasmus-cardinals.jpg

 

Another beer please.

 

Man in Bar: “I thought you drink when you are depressed?”

 

SLY: “I also drink when I am happy.”

 

BIG thanks to RT.  I know that was a pain in the A$s.

 

BoOoOoO-RRRRIIIBBBEEE

From:

 

UUUUUUUUUUU-RRRRRRRIIIIBBBEEEEE!!!

 

UUUUUUUUUUU-RRRRRRRIIIIBBBEEEEE!!!

 

UUUUUUUUUUU-RRRRRRRIIIIBBBEEEEE!!!

 

To:

 

BoOoOoOOOOooOOooOOOOoooOO-RRRRIIIBBBEEE!!!

 

BoOoOoOOOOooOOooOOOOoooOO-RRRRIIIBBBEEE!!!

 

BoOoOoOOOOooOOooOOOOoooOO-RRRRIIIBBBEEE!!!

 

Heck, it might be:

 

FFFFFFFFFF-UUUUUUUU-RRRRRRIIIBBBEEEEE!!!

 

FFFFFFFFFF-UUUUUUUU-RRRRRRIIIBBBEEEEE!!!

 

FFFFFFFFFF-UUUUUUUU-RRRRRRIIIBBBEEEEE!!!

 

Mr. Happy Jazz Hands left us for the smog infested air of SoCal and the Bums.

 

 

 

Uribe_and_Colletti.jpg

Two Ex-Gigantes turned Bums

Say it ain’t so.

 

Do we dare boo one of our 2010 World Champion heroes?

 

Hell yes.

 

I’ll set the stage for FU-ribes return to Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T Park on Monday April 11th 2011.  It’ll be the 10th game of the season.  This should be a Barry Zito start, but the $126 million dollar singer/songwriter will probably fall into the 2 or 4 spot in the rotation.  For this hypothetical, Madison Bumgarner gets the start.

 

Uribe is in the six hole in Donny Baseball’s lineup.

 

Top 2nd, nobody on, one out:

 

Renel Brooks-Moon: Now batting #5, 2nd baseman, Juan Uu-ribe.

(It is painfully obvious that Renel wants to belt out the UUUUUU as she has done the past two seasons, but her heart will not allow her to justify an enthusiastic announcement of a Bum.  The announcement is understated and subdued.)

 

 


renel.jpg 

 

I am in attendance and stand up from my seat.  I want to pay my respects (with a golf clap) to a man who gave the fans many thrilling moments the past couple seasons.

 

I am about to clap when the inebriated man next to me (I am also in such a state) starts to join in an all too familiar chant:

 

UUUUUUUU-RRIIIBBEE!!!!

 

…but it is not, it is what we all expected.

 

BoOoooOOoooooO-RRRIIIBBBEEEE!!!

 

Before I start to clap, I join the mob.

 

BoOoooOOoooooO-RRRIIIBBBEEEE!!!

 

BoOoooOOoooooO-RRRIIIBBBEEEE!!!

 

Now I am getting into it, alcohol and adrenaline seem to be a good combination (I think I finally get UFC fans).

 

FFFFFF-UUUUUUUU-RRRRIIIBEE.

 

Mother sitting behind me: “My children are here. Watch your mouth.”

 

SLY: “They need to learn hate at an early age.” (Obviously not ready to be a Parent)

 

Madison gets BoOOo-Ribe to pop up on the first pitch (he was a lot of excited).

 

…Roar from 41,952.

 

Top of the 5th, 1 out, runner on first: 2-0 Good Guys.

 

Renel sounded less enthused with her second announcement of Uribe.  She understands he’s gone for good. 

 

BooOooOOooOOoo-Ribe chants are deafening. 

 

On a 2-1 count BoOoooO-Ribe hits a ground ball to his replacement Miguel Tejada.  Tejada underhands to Freddy Sanchez at second for the force out and Sanchez throws a strike to Aubrey Huff at 1st to complete the double play. 

 

…Roar from 41,952.

 

Tejada and Uribe each have a GIDP to end an inning. 

 

Top of the 8th, 2 out, runners on 1st and 2nd:  The score is still 2-0 Good Guys.

 

Renel announces JUUAAAN with high energy as she was accustomed too with a big at bat, she quickly realizes it is for the wrong team and tails off on the Uribe.  Renel sighs in disgust.

 

BoOoOooOOOOoooO-Ribe chants continue.

 

Boch’s bowed legs take him 21 seconds to make it from the front step of the dugout to the mound to remove Bumgarner after 7 2/3 innings of shut out ball. 

 

Sergio Romo takes the ball.

 

1st pitch: Fast ball, fouled straight back.

 

2nd pitch: Slider, wild swing and a miss.

 

3rd pitch: Fastball inside, get Uribe off the plate.

 

4th pitch: Slider… hanging slider.  Uribe Swings…

 

 


BOOOribe.jpg 

I used to love this sight, no more.

 

 

All I see is the white palms of Uribe’s batting gloves.

 

 

 

swearing.jpg

SLY: “Mother F#4%ing Son of a B#$h!”

 

Mother: “Dead beat Son of a rats Fu*&$ing puke” 

 

(Looks of horror from her children)

 

41,952 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOS shower Juan as he circles the bases.

 

3-2 for the Bad Guys.

 

Donny Baseball goes Jonathan Broxton for the save. Donny remembers the proper rules about visiting the mound this game. 

 

Broxton gets to blow the game all on his own.

 

Freddy Sanchez does a flip job over Uribe’s head for a single.

 

Buster Posey (hitting 3rd) takes a walk.

 

Aubrey Huff hits a ball into triples alley.  There is no throw.  Posey scores standing.

 

Good Guys win 4-2.

 

Suck it Bums.

 

I stumble my way over to 21st Amendment where KJ and I discuss Juan Uribe as a Dodger.  After 5 Brew-Free-Or-Die IPA’s I finally get it:

 

SLY: “I got it.”

 

KJ: “What do you got?”

 

SLY: “I understand why Juan left us?”

 

KJ: “Why did he?”

 

SLY: “He has to feed his children.”

 

KJ: “$3 Million wouldn’t feed his children?  That’s a lot of money”

 

SLY: “$3 Million is a lot to you or me, but to a professional athlete it is not.  As we learned from Patrick Ewing, athletes make a lot of money, but they spend a lot of money.”

 

KJ: “HotLanta Gentlemen Clubs.”

 

SLY: “Now you understand. He needs that extra money.  I’ll break it down for you.  Juan signed a 3 year deal.  That means at least 3 trips to Atlanta over the next 3 years.  That’s 3 opportunities to get himself in trouble at the Gentleman Clubs.  I heard a stat on a blog where 1 out of every 3 trips to an Atlanta Gentlemen Club results in a lawsuit of some kind.  He really is just protecting himself.”

 

KJ: “Makes sense to me, if you read it on a blog, it must be true.”

 

SLY: “Words don’t lie.”

 

 

I am certain this is the exact way April 11th, 2011 will play out.

 

Dodger fans, be warned.

 

You are bringing in a person who assaults Dodger fans. 

 

He will hit you in the head with a baseball when you are not looking.

 

Watch the Slow-Mo.

 

Awesome. J

Hello Postseason, May I come in?

Knock. Knock.

 

Who’s there?

 

The Postseason.

 

Who, what, come again?

 

The Postseason, I understand we haven’t seen each other in quite some time.

 

It’s been 7 years.  I didn’t think I would ever see you again.  Champagne to celebrate?

 

 

2003 was the last time los Gigantes made a postseason appearance. 

 

Flashback to 2003:

 

I was a 20 year old college baseball player, unable to legally purchase alcohol, gamble, or rent a car. 

 

2003 was also the year I got kicked out of Pac Bell Park when I interfered and “ruined baseball.” 

 

Skip (Head Baseball Coach at Napa Valley College) gave RT and I his front row bleacher seats over the Yahoo! sign.  The game was 8-1 (Marlins lead) in the bottom of the 7th.  Jeffery Hammonds (who was playing for Barry Lamar) hit a ball deep to left-center field.  The ball was coming straight for us.  It became apparent the ball was going to be a little short (Guess he was the only Gigante not taking advantage of BALCO).  I reached over the fence, and stretched, and then stretched some more.  My torso was completely over the fence with my arm outstretched as far as possible.  The ball hit the edge of the webbing of my PRO-ALMC model SSK and fell down to the warning track.


balco.jpg


If Jeffery looked like this, I would have caught the ball and not been humiliated.  


I lifted my torso back up, and was immediately booed by 40,000 Gigantes fans.  The intoxicated bleacher bum in the row behind us began pounding his fist into my back and screamed:

 

IBB: “You ruined baseball!  You ruined baseball!!”

 

SLY: “It’s an 8-1 game, it was going to be a double anyways!”

 

IBB: “You ruined baseball!  You ruined baseball!”

 

An Usher quickly came to escort me (RT came too) out of the ballpark for “ruining baseball”.  As I was being escorted out, 40,000 people began to cheer. 

 

I was being cheered, to leave.  Humiliating. 

 

As I took one look back to the field where I was being banished from, the young leftfielder of the Marlins, Miguel Cabrera gave me an appreciative thumbs up. 

 

You’re welcome Miguel.

 

The worst part wasn’t over.

 

My phone started to ring, and ring, and ring some more.

 

Dad: “What the hell were you doing?  Kruk circled, and then eliminated you.”


w-krukow + kuiper.jpg

 

I had this same call throughout the rest of the day.

 

I was on SportsCenter for the 2nd time (I have now been on 3 times, the third time was almost as embarrassing, another day another blog).

 

The cherry on top- The next day (Monday) I went to the cafeteria to get some lunch before baseball practice.  As I was purchasing my meal the lunch lady looked at me and said:

 

“If you are going to go over the fence, catch it, MEAT.”

 

I have not brought my glove to a professional ballgame since.

 

To end the 2003 flashback, the Marlins beat los Gigantes in the NLDS and went on to win the World Series.

 

The Marlins have been in the postseason twice (both Wild Cards) in their 17 year existence, have beaten los Gigantes in the NLDS both times, and went on to win the World Series both times.

 

Symmetry is disgusting.

 

Flash forward back to 2010.  Los Gigantes are one Dub-Ya away from poppin’ some bubbly. 

 

Asta La Bye-Bye Fathers.

 

Mad-Bum fought though his start for his first W at Pac-Bell/SBC/AT&T Park on Thursday. 

 

Los Gigantes again scored all of their runs off Jimmy Jacks.  It is as exciting as it is flawed.

 

…I really want to get back to Wednesday.

 

Los Gigantes and I had great days.

 

I was unable to watch the game, as KJ, RT, LJ, and I had tickets to watch the Black Keys perform at the Fox Theater.


Pat the Bat hit the 3-run Jimmy Jack during the opening act (The Black Seeds, solid act).  After the first 2 innings Timmy was in full control, we felt like the game was over.  It was. 

 

3-1 Gigantes. 

 

The Black Keys came to the stage.

 

Holy Smokes (Too bad Timmy couldn’t join in the fun).  

Timmy Smoke.jpg



I got ear EFFF’d by the Black Keys and loved every second of it.

 

As I enjoyed the love being made to my ears, I was able to draw one comparison between The Black Keys and los Gigantes.

 

Both played as a team with unparalleled confidence.

 

Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney are a team, a great team, and they get each other.  They diverge and extend their tracks when they see fit.  As a spectator, you can see them (Dan to Patrick) making eye contact, an unspoken sign that signifies where they will go next.

 

Los Gigantes are playing their best and most confident baseball of the year.  The 2010 version of los Gigantes has to be one of the best chemistry teams in San Francisco history.

 

KJ, RT, LJ, and I all left the Fox Theater in a state of nirvana. 

 

We were really hungry for some reason.

 

animal in n out.jpg

In N Out to the rescue.

 

 

POSTSEASON ROSTER DEBATE

 

As KJ and I were sitting on the couch during Thursday’s game, we started talking about the postseason roster and who would fill it out.

 

I asked him and RT to e-mail me their 25 man rosters.  I wanted to see how our rosters stacked up to Boch’s.

 

KJ and RT’s Roster were identical.  I truly think this is the 25 man roster Bochy will run with.  RT also added that he would add Chris Ray and sub Renteria in the 2nd round.  If los Gigantes are fortunate enough get to the 2nd round, where I expect them to face the Fight’n Phils, I would like to see another lefty in the pen.

 

Pitchers

 

Lincecum

Cain

Sanchez

Bumgarner

Zito

Wilson

Romo

Lopez

Ramirez

Casilla

Affeldt

 

INF

 

Posey

Huff

Sanchez

Sandoval

Uribe

Fontenot

Renteria

Ishikawa

Whiteside

 

OF

Guillen

Torres

Burrell

Ross

Schierholtz

 

I want to know one item before I make my final decision.  Does Bochy plan on starting Zito in a playoff series?

 

If Bochy plans on starting Zito, than this is the roster I would run with.

 

If Bochy does not plan on starting Zito, there is no use for him on this roster.  He cannot come out of the bullpen.  It takes him 50-75 throws to get loose.  I am sure most would agree that Zito is the weak link of our starters. 

 

If Zito is not used at as a starter, I would add Dan Runzler to the 25 man roster.  Lefty Power arms are scarce; los Gigantes already have one with Jeremy Affeldt, two would be deadly late in games (Phillies anyone?).

 

By the way, it looks like Jeremy joined the “Just for Men” beard team as well.

 

It would also be humorous to have $30 million dollars left off the postseason roster (Zito and Rowand).

 

Bochy will probably name Zito the 2 or 3 starter, citing his experience and MadBum will take the roster spot where I would place Runzler.

 

We will find out by Tuesday.

 

The postseason door is open, los Gigantes just have to walk through.

 

I can almost taste the cheap champagne and beer.

 

 

 

Even Money on Schizophrenia Diagnosis

 

I do not handle losses well. 

 

 

 

kidtantrum2.jpg

 

I sulk, complain, and generally act like a 4 year old child who lost his teddy bear.

 

I especially do not handle tough losses well.

 

The game was on television while I was at work when CarGo scored from first on what seemed to be a single off the bat of Tulowitzki to end the game.

 

I turned off the televisions and stormed outside.

 

Co-workers took notice of my mood.

 

Co-Worker #1: “Why are you mad?  It is just a game.”

 

Co-Worker #2: “Are you going to be in a bad mood all night?”

 

I stared at them until they felt uncomfortable.

 

I couldn’t feel any further removed from the euphoria I felt the day before.

 

None of the televisions were allowed to show the lowlights from the game.  The televisions were tuned to channels where I was assured not see a single MLB highlight.

 

I have seen the eXtenze infomercial with Jimmy Johnson seven times. 

 

JimmysJohnson.jpg

“Go long with eXtenze, I do.” Thanks Jimmy, but I’ll pass.

 

I realize I have issues.

 

I call even money on a schizophrenia diagnosis if I see a psychiatrist from the months of April-October.

 

A few short notes:

 

Goodbye historical pitching run.  Way to go out in style.

 

6 of the 9 Gigantes runs came way of the long ball.  This trend continues.

 

J Welcome back Andy J   

 

KJ and I talked before the game about the humidor and the effects of los Gigantes complaint filed with MLB will have on the rest of the series.

 

SLY: “They (Rockies) are going to go all out with the non-humidor’d balls.  Effing Slugfest”

 

KJ: “Feast.”

 

 

…19 runs and 32 hits later. The Coors Field of my youth. 

 

Feast it was.

 

Fred Sanchee does not go Opp-O Bomb. 

 

Cody Ross hit a high fly ball that carried out for a three-run jack (I loved the dude who caught the Ross bomb. He had a strap-back Rockies hat with his pony-tail through the hole in the hat, so money).

 

 

 

ponytail guy.jpg

Atta Babe.

 

Matt Cain can get me back to my euphoric state with a win tomorrow…errrr today, first pitch is in less than 9 hours.

 

I need to find my Teddy.

 


giants teddy bear.jpg 


 

Making Erik Everhard Proud and NFL Realignment Dreams

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It took six days but the roommate is gone.  Los Gigantes now sit alone atop the NL West.  It is 2:30AM and I am still wide awake at
work and in quite a good mood.  My heightened
alertness can be the attributed to the quadruple espresso I finished at 1:00AM.  My euphoric mood is from stomping the Dodgers
to get to grab a hold of first place.

 

What a fun and satisfying win.  Aubrey and Buster went b2b, Garrrrr
(Renteria) had 4 knocks, Guiilen went 3×3 with a bomb, and the Dodgers were treated
to a Dirty Sanchez that would make even the great Erik Everhard proud. 

dirty_sanchez.jpg

#57 was dirtier than this.

Atta babe Sanchee.  True to form, you never know what you are
going to get with #57.  Last turn out,
Sanchez walked 7 in five innings but held down the Fathers.  I stated he was wildly effectively wild.  Tonight he pounded, pounded, and pounded the
zone some more.  Sanchez finished the
night 7in 4h 1r 0bb and a career high 12ks. 
It was only the 13th time in Los Gigantes history a pitcher
has had 0BBs and 12Ks.

 

Before the season KJ and I discussed how many victories Los
Gigantes needed from their starters to make the playoffs.  We decided on 60.  Los Gigantes are at 53.  They will need to get to 60 to get in. 

 

KJ and I are smart.

 

If Los Gigantes make the playoffs, Sanchez is getting a
start in the NLDS.  The $126 million
dollar man will be a reliable long man. Well, I hope Mr. Zito is cast into that
roll.  I hope Bruce Bochy doesn’t have
any “Seattle Spirit” with Zito and his experience in the post-season.  I was in Seattle this past weekend and learned what the
“Seattle Spirit” is all about.  This is
the definition, as defined by a tour guide with a Masters in History from Western Washington
University, “Seattle Spirit is when a person has an idea,
even if it is a bad idea, and continues with the idea until the idea is either
finished or until it becomes a good idea.”

 

I had two epiphanies.

 

I must have been born in Seattle, because most of my actions and
thoughts epitomize Seattle Spirit.

 

I finally understand how the WNBA came to be. 

 

The Seattle Storm won the WNBA Championship tonight.  Somehow, it feels right.  I am sure the 2010 WNBA Championship trophy
makes up for missing out watching Kevin Durant over the next decade.

 

I will write about my Seattle
adventure over the weekend.  The trip
involved plenty of Seattle Spirit. 

 

…but on the way to Seattle,
something amazing happened.

 

KJ, LJ, and I were on the road to the Airport at 3:00AM.  We were all on 3 hours of sleep or less.  The radio was the only thing audible.

 

At 3:45 amidst the silence, KJ gets up, clears his throat,
and has something to say.

 

KJ: “Holy Cheese (edit), I got a great idea.”

SLY: “Yeah?”

KJ: “I’m going to realign the NFL.”

SLY: “It has already been done.”

KJ: “Not like this.  I
want o realign the NFL by grouping the mascots.”

 

I smiled and turned around. 
This sounded like a great way to kill some time at the airport.

 

We started grouping the teams into new divisions.

 

We met up with some non-sports fans friends (Law Students)
and posed asked them for their advice about the subject over a many adult
beverages.

 

“We have 32 people/places/things and want to make 6-8 groups/divisons
with 4-6 in each group/division where the people/places/things all have some
common thread.”

 

We had a pen and paper.  The law students gave good insights and
perspective.  After much debate, here is
our NFL realignment:

 

 

 Bird
Division                                                     

·Cardinals

·Falcons

·Eagles

·Ravens

·Seahawks

A Solid division with a couple of solid
super bowl contenders.

Predator Division

·Bears

·Panthers

·Jaguars

·Lions

·Bengals

Uhhh, this reminds me of the NFC West.  Bengals win the division with 9 wins!

Hooved Division

·Bills

·Broncos

·Colts

·Rams

Colts win this division every year until
Peyton Manning can no longer breathe.


Wild West Division

·49ers

·Cowboys

·Redskins

·Chiefs

I am happy the 49ers and Cowboys would play
every year.  We could also call this the
Over-Rated division.

Hometown Heroes Division 1

·Titans (Formerly
Oilers, makes more sense then)

·Steelers

·Texans

·Patriots

·Jets

The AL EAST of the NFL. All
5 teams are playoff contenders.

 

Hometown Heroes Division 2

·Giants

· Saints

·Chargers

·Packers

·Browns
(Paul
Brown
)

 Drew
Brees would get to go all “Brett Favrey” on the Bolts twice a year.  Fun.

 

Rape and Pillage Division

·Raiders

·Vikings

·Buccaneers

·Dolphins
(They are defenseless sea mammals.)  

Have you ever seen a
Dolphin rape and pillage a pirate?  You
would in this division.

 

 

The traveling secretaries would all get a massive
raise.  It would be well deserved.

 

We must do this with MLB.

 

I am starting at work now.

 

MadBum on the bump tomorrow night. 

 

oh Bernie!.jpg

Remember me Bernie?

 

Bring on the Ceverceros.